I'm just...really down lately


#1

Hello y'all, good morning, good evening, whereever you may be.

Soooo like the title says, I'm feeling especially down the last few days. I won't overshare with all the details, but this seems to be happening more and more lately. I have days where the world is rosy and everything is sunshine and Gummi Bears, and then suddenly, for no reason, I feel myself just...drop. I don't feel any joy with things I normally do. Today, for example. I've been listening to my favorite music while giving my room a good spring cleaning, something that usually just perks me up like I'm on drugs. But today, nothing. Thought about getting up and going for a walk, but can't get motivated. Tried an episode of my favorite show, which usually perks me up, but I couldn't follow. Been praying under my breath all morning, hoping a little heart to heart would boost my spirits, but I'm still glum.

I know everyone has these bad days, but it seems like they're becoming almost a way of life for me. I've always been rather bipolar (not the actual illness, just an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows) and for a while when I was getting back into the faith, i was on top of the world. And now, I can't seem to get past the first step again.

Each time I feel like it's a different reason. Some days I just feel winter cabin fever, Other days, I feel lonely. Today, I'm feeling almost guilty, which is becoming the norm. I spent Monday with my best friend, who I only get to see once a week, giggleing away the afternoon, hanging out, listening to music, making up stories together, going out for dinner. I should have had a great time, but I almost felt like I wasn't allowed to let myself have fun.

I'm feeling more and more like that lately. Like I'm not suppose to be enjoying the day. Like I should feel guilty chatting on the phone, going on a walk with my beautiful spastic mutts, sitting in the sunshine with a good book. When I'm feeling extra scrupulous, I feel like it's a sign from God, punishing me for relaxing, for taking some down time to sit and paint. I can't seem to enjoy things I usually love. I haven't picked up a pencil to draw in so long.

I've felt this way on and off for years, and lately, it just won't let off. Do you have issues like this? Do you think it's more a spiritual thing, or a mental and emotional thing? Am I being too hard on myself?


#2

Yes, been there, done that.

Just my personal experience:
I was raised under the premise that it was ENTIRELY an emotional/spiritual thing (taught to me by my mother). I would justify it and say it wasn’t *really *affecting my life, just my outlook.

But then, I got married, and started having children… and these “episodes” *affected *others. Then, I began to realize that I was doing others harm… upsetting my husband and children. This was unacceptable to me because I had also been affected by my own mother’s depression (again, ONLY a spiritual issue in her eyes), and yet no matter how much I fought it (trying to “pray it away”), I couldn’t shake the “episodes”. I began to realize that maybe this was more of a medical issue. I took not only my life back, but my family’s. It affected everyone and it didn’t need to. I didn’t want my kids to experience the same thing from their mother that I did.

Have you considered seeing a doctor and discussing the possibility of depression?


#3

:hug1: Oh I have been there as well…I had a really bad year last year, and went through a period, like you said, where even things that normally perked me up right away were not helping…
I agree about getting yourself checked out…just to be safe…sometimes depression is not chronic either…my mother went through a period of it, and then it went away…soemtimes we just need a bit of help.
Praying for your peace of mind…:gopray:


#4

Agreed… in my personal experience medication and/or therapy was only necessary for a temporary time. :slight_smile:


#5

Thank you guys, I’m glad to see you’ve found ways around!

I have thought about it. I’ve had episodes like this many times in the past. Some pass after a few weeks. My worst went for about 2 years, and dragged me through a miserable time of depression and chronic self-harm.

It’s been reccently that i too have noticed this is affecting the people I love too. I get so moody I can’t stand the site of anyone. I lash out and hurt my very best friend, the most important person on earth to me. I’ve recently been thinking about asking a doctor about it. I always kept thinking, it’s nothing, it will go away. Or, I’m too proud/shy/ashamed to admit I might have a problem. And of course now, thinking God must not want me to be happy. I’ve thought, oh, the things I enjoy must be wicked and evil and sinful, and he’s showing me I shouldn’t enjoy them, even as I look at my canvases and think, how is painting evil? How is giggleing over a Subway sandwich with my friend wicked? What have I done to be punished for?

I guess you could say reccently, I’ve finally started growing up, thinking of things less selfishly and childishly. And with this, perhaps, comes the realization that I might have a problem with my emotions that I can’t fix on my own.

And now I’m rambling again. :blush:


#6

Ah, yes that pride of ours…:rolleyes: I definitely struggle with that…:slight_smile: But sometimes, we all need help, especially if it is causing pain to those we love…
I would definitely find a caring doctor and get evaluated…plus that is one less thing to worry about…“is it or isn’t it?” kinda thing…that way you know and what steps you need to take towards feeling like you again…:slight_smile:


#7

Just a basic question…
If someone you knew had diabetes, would you recommend they see their doctor about taking insulin?
If someone you knew had high blood pressure, would you recommend they see their doctor about taking blood pressure meds?

What’s wrong with questioning whether there’s a chemical imbalance that a medication could potentially help? It’s worth discussing with your doctor.

But I do beg to differ… giggling over Subway IS entirely immoral. :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue:


#8

BLAST!

I KNEW that turkey on wheat would come back to bite me! XD

I know the comparison, I’ve seen it so many times, and yet the brain always has a way of wiggleing around it.

'Oh, it’s no imbalance, you just need to stop being so overdramatic"


#9

I hope your feel better soon!

A good friend of mine was in a situation sort of like this-she had lost her job, her fiancee, etc. She didn’t want to admit she was depressed until it was almost too late for her. Now, several months later, she’s kicking butt and back to her old self.

Mega cyber hugs.

Remember, this too shall pass.


#10

It all begins with those initial thoughts, the rest, are for discernment with, or without.


#11

Have you seen a doctor to see if it’s clinical depression? That is a chemical imbalance that can be helped with medication. I know, I’m on something for it. Also have you thought that you might really be bipolar? I am that also and medication turned my world around.


#12

@ Alexandra- well, though I often jokingly call myself bipolar, from what i’ve read, bipolar is a cycle of high and lows, manic and depressive, that cycle over the course of many weeks, isn’t it?

Thank y’all so much for your opinions. I think I’m going to try and schedule an appt with my doctor soon


#13

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