I'm leaving, on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again


#1

I’m leaving the Family Life forum. I know what you’re thinking - who is this guy anyway? I’m mostly an observer. So you won’t miss me. Promise.

I like helping people. I like seeing what people think. I even read the comments after yahoo articles. But this, I mean - Where’s the love? I can’t think of a place that should be happier than “Family Life”. But this forum is depressing. If it’s not divorce, it’s abuse. If it’s not abuse, it’s neglect, or loneliness. It’s twisting my brain.

I cannot possibly be the only one with a stable, happy, loving family.

I don’t believe it. A few months back, I sat in my cube at work, listening to the lady three cubes away going on and on, in scathing attack after another against her ex - on the phone, to other people. I’ll admit I’m perhaps too young and foolish. Maybe people do switch from being kind and caring, to complete monsters. Maybe it does happen overnight. But I’ve never seen a person do it. I feel like this strange alien viewing the insanity from a distance. A void I cannot cross. I would give you advice, but would you listen, care, or understand? Would I just seem cold and crass? Probably. I do tend to be.

Are we not free? What drags us away from love! I would risk hell to try and save my brother or my sister from hell. I can’t count the times my brother pummeled me. Were we not called to forgive seven times seventy times? This does not condemn us - it liberates us. What can be better than dropping the hurt feelings? Let go, and so will others. Stop feeding the anger. Stop feeding their anger.

It’s so tempting to let go with ''conditions". It’s so common to pull the refrain that “Forgive, but don’t Forget.” What foolishness! Should God, never forget? I pray that when I reach the pearly gates that he does not say; “I’m so sorry. I’ve forgiven your sins, but I do not trust you enough to let you enter.” What good is there in such a God? What hope is there, if that is our only chance of salvation? Then we are all doomed, for then there is no true forgiveness.

But there is! There is hope! And I really, really, really do hope you all find it. I walked away from confession this Saturday. And God wiped the slate clean. I know it won’t stay that way forever. I wish it would, but it won’t. How divine! How I wish we would bring this out to the world. Out to our families. It is hard to not love God. It is difficult to hate someone who loves us unconditionally.

I have often pondered on the two verses “My yoke is easy, by burden is light” and “It is easier to pass through the eye of a needle…” God is easy, God is hard. And there is no contradiction. But see, I carry on.

I wish you every strangest kind of luck.
-Tabone


#2

Don’t assume all respondents here have miserable lives just because they are participating in a family forum that has problems in the threads. It’s important that those of us that might be more blessed at the moment, can provide solace and advice for others going through difficult times.

We will all meet challenges in our lives, some easier than others, but we are often defined by how we react and deal with them, rather than the problem itself. We need God’s help with that for sure.

Godspeed to you.


#3

oh babe I hate to go

if people cannot ask for help for troubled family relationship because they are afraid we will walk away or turn away, then we should close down the forum


#4

Jesus never meant for us to stay and make ourselves the victims of violence. Some people who come here are in very difficult and dangerous situations and have nowhere to turn for help, at least to hear that they are not crazy and their spouse really is dangerous.

I am so glad that you come from a healthy family. In spite of my mother passing when I was 10, my family of origin was mostly happy too. In spite of that, my husband’s family background was not happy and he was the child of divorce. Real life stuff happens every day. People turn away from the Church and from the love of God. The world’s philosophy wins hearts and minds. Satan walks the earth every day - I don’t see any mention of evil in your post. We can have the best of intentions and a close walk with Christ and yet there are psychopaths and sociopaths and all manner of sin in the world in which we live.

Yes, it sounds to me as though you are young and still idealistic about the world. I hope and pray that you are able to hang on to that love, and would you please pray for those on this forum who have become jaded, bitter, and have hardened our hearts against the evil we have experienced? Thank you.


#5

OP,

I understand how you feel. I'm starting to feel this way about most of CAF. :( Sad, but true.

Good luck in your decision.

Pax†


#6

#7

The human condition. Pray , allow people to work through,least we can do is listen, have compassion. Peace , Carlan


#8

[quote="puzzleannie, post:3, topic:225514"]
oh babe I hate to go...

[/quote]

:rotfl:

That song will be stuck in my head all day now.
:harp:

OP- You aren't the only one with a happy, stable, functioning family here. But if you keep planting songs from the seventies in the heads of people who view and respond on this family life forum, how can you possible expect the other people here to remain sane?


#9

Good luck with that. Farewell To You. :smiley:


#10

:yyeess: God bless big hair bands!


#11

Maybe you’ve never really suffered and because of that can’t relate to people who experience difficulties that you mention.


#12

[quote="Tabone, post:1, topic:225514"]
I'm leaving the Family Life forum. I know what you're thinking - who is this guy anyway? I'm mostly an observer. So you won't miss me. Promise.

I like helping people. I like seeing what people think. I even read the comments after yahoo articles. But this, I mean - Where's the love? I can't think of a place that should be happier than "Family Life". But this forum is depressing. If it's not divorce, it's abuse. If it's not abuse, it's neglect, or loneliness. It's twisting my brain. This is how I feel about watching to news. It depresses me. It twists my brain because there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change the horrble events that happen in the news(short of prayer for their souls) This forum, on the other hand, gives people the opportunity to work through things with the help of others and change outcomes for the better

I cannot possibly be the only one with a stable, happy, loving family. I am so pleased to hear there is hope for some of us who struggle

I don't believe it. A few months back, I sat in my cube at work, listening to the lady three cubes away going on and on, in scathing attack after another against her ex - on the phone, to other people.You shouldn't be eavesdropping:tsktsk: I'll admit I'm perhaps too young and foolish. Maybe people do switch from being kind and caring, to complete monsters. Maybe it does happen overnight. But I've never seen a person do it. I feel like this strange alien viewing the insanity from a distance. A void I cannot cross. I would give you advice, but would you listen, care, or understand?I would be very eager to have your good advice Would I just seem cold and crass? Probably. I do tend to be.Sorry for that, maybe you can ask for some advice on this forum about how to be warm and tactful

Are we not free? What drags us away from love! I would risk hell to try and save my brother or my sister from hell. I can't count the times my brother pummeled me. Did your brother ever throw a family member through a window or send you sister to the hospital, mine did. Forgive yes, but at a distanceWere we not called to forgive seven times seventy times? forgiveness means that we don't wish warm to come the person who has hurt us, only that we seek what is good for the salvation of his soul. It doesn't mean that we should take attack after attack against our personal dignityThis does not condemn us - it liberates us. What can be better than dropping the hurt feelings? very few people here are truely angry or have a problem with foregiveness, they are just confused because they are facing true evil****Let go, and so will others. Stop feeding the anger. Stop feeding their anger.

It's so tempting to let go with ''conditions". It's so common to pull the refrain that "Forgive, but don't Forget." What foolishness! Should God, never forget? I pray that when I reach the pearly gates that he does not say; "I'm so sorry. I've forgiven your sins, but I do not trust you enough to let you enter." What good is there in such a God? What hope is there, if that is our only chance of salvation? Then we are all doomed, for then there is no true forgiveness.

But there is! There is hope! And I really, really, really do hope you all find it. I walked away from confession this Saturday. And God wiped the slate clean. I know it won't stay that way forever. I wish it would, but it won't. How divine! How I wish we would bring this out to the world. Out to our families. It is hard to not love God. It is difficult to hate someone who loves us unconditionally. After this harsh post you might want to talk to a priest again because I sense there may be a lack of charity in your post

I have often pondered on the two verses "My yoke is easy, by burden is light" and "It is easier to pass through the eye of a needle..." God is easy, God is hard. And there is no contradiction. But see, I carry on.

I wish you every strangest kind of luck.not even going to address this???
-Tabone

God bless. If I were you ,I'd hang around for a while. You might have a change of heart some day but if this forum really does bring you down, then maybe try the other forums.

[/quote]


#13

I listened to that song over and over again on my way to Iraq.

I don't think maybe you are putting it in the right perspective. Sometimes people come here to ask the questions they don't feel they can bother people with in the parishes because of responses like yours. But hey I spent a whole mass in tears when my abusive husband left and only one person other than the person that brought me came to ask me what was wrong and I was active in my parish, helped the DRE as her assistant -unpaid and even attended daily mass. So where else would you like people to go?


#14

Then he must be very young and very blessed! And naive.:rolleyes:

(Actually I don’t think a lack of suffering IS a blessing in reality. I think it is through earthly pain that we grow, and how God polishes us, quite often hurts.)


#15

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:14, topic:225514"]
Then he must be very young and very blessed! And naive.:rolleyes:

(Actually I don't think a lack of suffering IS a blessing in reality. I think it is through earthly pain that we grow, and how God polishes us, quite often hurts.)

[/quote]

That's possible, but maybe he takes his sufferings and trials and accepts them as the blessing they are. Maybe he doesn't expect sunshine and roses every day and still feels happy. Maybe when he is down on his knees he thanks God for the trials he endures and puts on a happy face and goes out into the world and spread a little love....

Just saying, baring our crosses with a smile and without complaint is a bit of a virtue, wouldn't you think? Isn't that what many of the Saints did?


#16

Dear Tabone, please allow me to address your post on two different points - the faith, based on the Bible, and the personal stories of some of us here on the forum.
Let's start with our faith. Jesus Himself told us: "[51]Think ye, that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, no; but separation. [52] For there shall be from henceforth five in one house divided: three against two, and two against three. [53] The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against his father, the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother, the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law." (Luke 12:51-53) He also told His disciples when sending them to preach: "Behold I send you as sheep in the midst of wolves. Be ye therefore wise as serpents and simple as doves." (Matthew 10:16) So Our Lord warned His disciples to beware, to be wise as serpents and know how to protect themselves, but, in the same time, to be simple, plain and sincere as doves. We should know how to protect ourselves and our families from evil when we have to (an example will follow below). And yes, we were told to obey and honor our parents, but there is one more thing that we often forget: "Fathers, provoke not your children to indignation, lest they be discouraged." (Colossians 3:21) God knows that there are two parties in each relationship, and if only one is trying its best, while the other one does not care, or is deliberately trying to cause harm, nothing good is going to come out of it.
On a personal basis, I am one of the people who has received help, support and prayers on this board. It has been really hard for me to come to peace with many things in my life, but, with God's help, am slowly moving in the right direction (pray for me, please!). There was a thread on this board some time ago, by a young mother of two (if I remember correctly), who was asking why it was so hard for her to put her abusive childhood behind, and just live her life. I've been there, and felt that way, and still feel that way sometimes. This is part of our lives that will always be there. If you have a difficult time understanding people like us, imagine, for example, some little kids, wondering why mom does not care, why does she beat me, why does she not realize that I'm always trembling inside at what will happen next, and why does she not realize that all I want is just to be loved? This is where many of us come from, and this stays with you forever. And it is very difficult to understand. Also, when you have dealt with a sociopath, for example (my mother fits the description of one to a T), you know that such a person can never change, and no matter how much you forgive and accept that person, and forget all that he/she has done, this will not matter - that person will only bring harm to you and your family. Or, another example: if, together with forgiving, I also forget everything my parents-in-law have done, and take them back in, and give them unlimited access to my daughters, and then they teach them that there is no God, that they do not have to obey us, that premarital sex, abortion, etc. are OK, will that be a good thing? If I give them unlimited access to our family, and they try, yet again, to break it, will that be a good thing? No, the exact opposite is true - they will turn (or, at least, try to turn) our kids away from God, will cause them to sin, my PIL themselves will sin, and we, as parents, will sin, as our primary responsibility is towards our family and children, and it is our duty to protect them.
You say that, it seems to you that you're the only one with a normal family. Be thankful and praise the Lord for that! This, however, can also be a yoke, especially if it stops you from seeing other people's pain. As a true Christian, you should have said something like "I've been so blessed to have a normal family! My heart and prayers go to all of you who are suffering unjustly!"
The Lord would never turn His eyes from those who are suffering, but would always console them. It seems to me that you're too busy being happy in your own little world, and do not want to be bothered by the problems of others. You say that you would try and save your brother and sister from hell, but then turn your back on your brothers and sisters on this forum - are they not worth saving? Are they not worth consoling? How will you save them? And how will you save yourself, you, who are so certain of your righteousness and salvation? You say that we have to forgive others the way God forgives us, but then you cannot find the strength to 'forgive' the people who have difficulties and are looking for support (not that there is anything to forgive, but you're still judging them), because their problems are too much for you, and because, according to you, this should be a "happy" forum.
So, now you can go back to your happy place, and leave all of us, sinners as we are, to get support, help and prayers from others. Just don't tell me that you care about saving others from hell - your actions speak louder than your words. Even our Lord told us: "Wherefore by their fruits you shall know them." (Matthew 7:20)
In the end, please excuse me if I have, in any way, offended you with my post. This was not my purpose. The internet does not allow us to see the other person's face, or hear the intonation of the voice, so some things might sound harsher than they were meant to be.


#17

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