I used to be a strong believer but I have been feeling distanced from God. Three weeks ago, our Priest died. I prayed for him, but then after a thought popped into my head. I thought 'That stinks, he spent his whole life serving God and now he's just dead.' I was surprised by the thought and a little offended.
I didn’t know where it came from. I used to read the Bible every night, but I got out of the habit. I promised God I would go to confession but I still haven’t. Last night at about 2:00am I couldn’t sleep so I tried talking to God. I didn’t feel like I was being heard and then I had another foreign thought.
I thought, 'this is stupid, there’s nothing there. You’re filling your head with thoughts for someone who isn’t there, or doesn’t hear you.’ I am losing my faith. I no longer have that strong belief in God. I thought that if I told everyone I believe strongly, it would come back. But it hasn’t.
I keep having atheist thoughts, ‘there is no proof God exists’, ‘He probably hates you now anyway so you might as well give up’ ‘you only want to believe you don’t just die;. These thoughts are changing my belief. I feel like I have been disillusioned. I started crying because I honestly believe that when I die I will go to neither heaven nor hell, and that life will just end. I don’t want to feel this way. I want to believe.
I asked God to give me a sign, and when I woke up yesterday morning, or the morning before, I had a huge bug bite in between my eyes on my forehead. I thought if He gave me a sign I would believe, but I still don’t feel like God exists. What has happened to my faith? And how can I get it back?