**I will keep you both in my prayers.
Just from what you've said, I can feel a bit of the horrible pain your husband must be in. I don't have any of the same issues from my childhood, but just as a human being, he has felt unloved and abandoned his whole life.
He must be thinking what about him is so horrible that he can't be loved and cherished.
( yes, you are there for him, and you love him and have stood at his side, but he can't even begin to see that fact because there is so much hurt and pain ).
All he knows is that others are loved and protected by their dads, his left him. Mother's love their children and fight for them, his inflicted his pain. As a kid, he prayed to God for help, and nothing happened. He married, and was again abandoned. He had children, and they were taken too. Why keep trying, nothing good happens to him.
I can see him agreeing to join the Catholic Church because he wanted so much to belong to "something", to be part of a caring, accepting and loving family. He wanted to come into a church that was ready for him, rather than him being ready for that church.
All of this had nothing to do with him. Many of us have wonderful parents, some have only one good parent, and he is in the group that both were horrible. It wasn't anything he did, that was just how it came out. He is not the only one who has had to suffer for no reason, there are many examples of this in history, and to we Christians, Jesus was the best example of this.
As to your husband's fear of hell. I think, he will not go to hell, he has already served his time there. God is also his Father, and THIS Father forgives him, loves him, and can't wait for your husband to open his heart, let all the pain out, start filling it with God's love and start having the good life God has planned for him.
The first half of your husband's life was very painful and bleak, but the second half does not have to be like the first half. I truly believe that God sent you to show your husband love, and show him the way. Your husband's path so far has been hidden and full of potholes and land mines. No wonder he is afraid to keep moving forward.
Your husband may also be afraid to trust his own feelings on believing you love him. After all, he has believed it before and he has always been wrong. Three years is not a long time when you have had decades of the opposite.
Just hang in there with him, and keep trying to call different priests and agencies to try and get him in to see someone NOW, he can't wait.
He has been through hell, and he needs to really believe that now the best part of his life is just around the corner.
There is a book called, " A Child Called It "** by David Pelzer about a boy who was severely abused by his mother, and how he over came his horrible childhood. It might help to read this and the sequels; The Lost Boy, A Man Named Dave, and Help Yourself.
I'll keep your family in my prayers, Rosaries, and vigil prayer candles burning 24/7 at my church. I'll be praying for the long haul.
God bless you for being your husband's angel.