I’m not perfect.
While this may not sound surprising to many of you, it’s very difficult for someone like me, a perfectionist, to admit. Like everyone else, I am a horrible, horrible sinner who doesn’t completely understand the weight and offense of my crimes even though I try my best to express true contrition in order to seek actual forgiveness. The truth is, though, that there are so many things for which I don’t know that I should be sorry for building up behind this dam of pride and self-centeredness that I sometimes feel like Blind Bartimaeus.
I’m writing this to ask your forgiveness. I hope that you will forgive me for all the hurtful things that I’ve said in the past, all the times I’ve argued and acted arrogantly, and any time that I may have said something which directly or indirectly hurt your own personal feelings.
The spiritual life is a constant struggle for me because of my personality, my psychic make-up, my sins, and my lifestyle. While none of this excuses me or my actions, it should hopefully explain, at least partially, why and how sin leads to despair which leads to rebelliousness, rejecting God, and full-blown uncharitableness. Some of you may think that I often have wise, insightful things to say, and perhaps I have said a word or two which have helped other individuals in their own spiritual struggles, but it seems that in my own attempt to be holy I can sometimes pull a complete 180 degree turn and be one of the most downright scandalous Catholics present on this forum. And for that, I’m sorry.
All of you are my brothers and sisters, and I appreciate all the prayers which my acts of ingratitude and disservice have afforded me. You have no idea how many prayers I actually need!
So, thank you, and I hope you will accept this apology.
Your brother in Jesus and Mary,