I'm not sorry... now what?

I’m not quite sure if this is the right forum for this question, but my question seems at least somewhat relevant to moral theology, so here goes.

I have been reluctant to go to confession for some time, for a couple reasons; the one I want to address on this thread is that I am not actually sorry for my sins.

I am not here talking about the actions, inactions, and thoughts which the church (or at least portions of the church ) define as sin which I am reluctant to believe actually are (though I would also like to know whether or not to confess those); I am instead talking about actions, inactions, and thoughts which I think are sins, but do not feel sorry for.

I would not be able to say the act of contrition sincerely about these sins (which include ALL my acknowledged sins since my last confession), since I do not detest them or have a sense of horror for having committed them, and can not firmly resolve not to commit them again. I can only regard them with a sense of weariness and resignation, and desire to be free of them and their effects. I have two questions:

*]Should I go to confession in my condition, even though it would not be sincere?
*] Is there some way I could make myself sorry for my sins?

I’d say talk with your priest. If you’re not contrite of heart, I really don’t see any point in confessing those things. It’d probably just be a sin to do so.

NOX3x said** : “I have been reluctant to go to confession for some time, for a couple reasons; the one I want to address on this thread is that I am not actually sorry for my sins.”**

First, there is another Thread about NOT wanting to go to Confession that started a couple hours ago.
I recommend that you read it.

Second, you KNOW the Church Rule about confessing Sins.
One part of that Rule is feeling Sorry for having committed those Sins.

Third, if you are sorry for MOST of the Sins you committed, then just Confess those Sins.
After all, unless it’s a Mortal Sin, you don’t need to Confess it.
Then, after your Act Of Contrition for THOSE Sins, the Priest will have God Absolve you from all of your Sins (including those “clinkers”).

However, if you think that only Confessing some of your Venial Sins is hypocritical (or, otherwise WRONG), then don’t do it.

As I said in the other Thread, take some Time-Off from your Confessions.
Allow a few weeks to pass, and see how you feel about the Whole Situation then.

The WORST thing to do is to go against your Conscience on this one.
This can cause all kinds of Problems in your Spiritual Life.
Be kind to your Faith … you’ll be Glad that you did.

this reminds me of the imperfect contrition, which can be if im not mistaken is: you just go and ask for forgiveness and try your best to dont commit them again with the only intention to avoid Hell.

I don’t want to get all holy on you, but these are the thoughts that come to my mind.

When I think of sin, I think of turning my back on God. He gave us certain commandments such as refraining from lying about people, committing adultery, stealing, killing, and envying others. He asks us to keep his commandments, because it’s the best way to live.
If we ignore or flout his commandments, we’re saying we know better than him. We’re also saying we don’t care if it hurts God.
This is the same God who sent his son Jesus to die in excruciating agony on the cross for each of us and for our sins. Turning our back on Jesus as he dies on the cross is heartless and ungrateful. We owe him our rescue from hell and everything good in our lives.
It’s very painful to love someone and not be loved in return. I would hate to do that to God.

Yes. Go and talk to a priest. Be open and honest and the priest can help you work through these issues, and if you wish will assess whether you have the sufficient sorrow for your sin to continue with a sacramental confession. As DMC12 notes, merely imperfect contrition (fear of hell) is sufficient for a valid sacramental confession.

On Friday week it is Good Friday. I suggest you go to church in the morning for stations of the cross and at 3pm to commemorate our Lord’s Passion. The love of our Lord, and recounting the price He paid for our sins, should lead each of us to detest any sins we have ever committed.

I agree - it sounds to me that you want to be free of these sins - that sounds at least like imperfect contrition, if not contrition, to me. In any case, you should pray about it - ask God to give you a contrite heart. And talk to the priest about it. We all have sins that we struggle with, that we are weary of, and know we will have a hard time avoiding. But the more we go to confession and place these difficulties before our Lord, the more grace we receive to free us of those sins.

No. May I ask what you would think of someone coming to you for forgiveness and saying exactly what you have said here?

By acknowledging your sins for what they truly are, an offense against God and the failure of self.

May I ask what kind of things you do not believe are sinful?

He who makes light of sin will make light of forgiveness. He who makes light of really serious wounds will never appreaciate the power of the physician. - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

“The deaf who deny they are deaf will never hear; the sinners who deny there is sin deny thereby the remedy of sin, and thus cut themselves off forever from Him Who came to redeem.” - Fulton J. Sheen

Hell is populated by souls who are not sorry for their sins.

Thank you for reading

I can only regard them with a sense of weariness and resignation, and desire to be free of them and their effects.

Are you certain you do not feel remorse and are not sorry. If so, I can’t imagine what you’d want to be freed of?

It is our humility and sorrow and remorse that we lay at the feet of Christ that frees us of our bondage.

The priest can say whatever to you, but if you still hold these things, then you will never be free of them.

You say you can only feel resignation and weariness. This may be the ennui that one can get to from fighting uncontrollable habitual sins. Many are aware of this condition.
Complete submission and acceptance that you have lost the power to fight and have given up, is the beginning of understanding the true value of confession.
Go to confession and explain these feelings to the priest. I would be surprised if he doesn’t recognise your condition of denial.
True contrition comes with a better relationship with He who we have offended. If you put all your hope on His power He will lift these temptations to ones you will eventually be able to resist and recognise.Pray constantly for His understanding and the wisdom and knowledge of the Holy Spirit to recognise and remedy your failures as we all must to restore our relationship with God.

I don’t think “taking time off” from Confession is a good thing- that’ll just get you mired even more heavily into sin, and before you know it you’ll be running around scared of being killed and ending up in hell. You need to seek help, and your priest is there to give it.

I definitely think you should talk about this with your priest. Don’t just ignore it and hope it goes away on its own, because it might not.

[quote=josh987654321]May I ask what kind of things you do not believe are sinful?

He said he does think they’re sinful, he just can’t muster up any “sorry” feeling. Sounds like he might be too tired to care. I’ve been through that, and it can really get out of hand if you mistake “too tired to have feelings” for “wants to sin and doesn’t mind the consequences”.

It sounds to me that you might have a misunderstanding about what true contrition is. You say that you don’t have a “horror” of your sins. Well, that’s a good thing, Horror is not a Christian emotion – in fact, horror would be more likely to drive someone toward sin than to drive someone away from it. I see no place for horror in repentance.

You say that you don’t hate your sin. This is unclear, however. Let me use an example. I am very fond of masturbation. I have good memories of masturbating, and I certainly don’t hate the *experience *of doing so. And I don’t need to, in order to make a valid confession.

What I need to hate is the way that my sin separates me from God and those that I love. I need to hate the way masturbation drives a wedge between me and my wife. I don’t need to hate the content of the temptation to masturbate – after all, if I hated *that *then I would be immune to temptation, and no longer concupiscent. But I need to hate the bad effects that (I know by faith) result from my action.

I can be sorry for my sin even if I am very much interested in sinning again – after all, I am a sinner and a broken man. Only, I must not *intend *to sin again.

I don’t know if this helps, but I thought it would be worth mentioning. :shrug:

My apologies, I misread his post. :frowning:


My deepest apologies, I misunderstood you and thus what I said doesn’t apply, please disregard my previous post #8.

Thank you for reading

I believe you should absolutely go to confession and honestly tell your preist of the despair you face in overcoming your sins and that you desire his mercy and help, than I believe you will have made a valid confession and recieve efficacious help.

I believe the danger when it comes to sin N0X3x is that of coming to love the prison of sin, I believe we should be cautious that we don’t grow to love the prison, because the souls in Hell are not simply those who were weak and struggled with sin, but rather those who grew to love their sins, to love the prison and thus reject the love and mercy of God.

I would also recommend N0X3x my personal favourite prayer, the optional closing prayer to the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. :slight_smile:

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion — inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.

If you get a chance N0X3x simply visit your local Catholic Church, and sit down before the tabernacle, and allow Jesus real presense in the Holy Eucharist to warm your heart.

He waits for us night and day at the tabernacle, he will not reproach us for our crims, he will not throw our sins in our face, what he will do is to wash us with the blood of his wounds, he loves us very much. Trust in his Love and Mercy. :slight_smile:

Go to Christ; go as you are; it does not matter as long as you go. Christ wants to give you much, it is us who do the rejecting, not God.

Let yourself be embraced by Jesus most ardent desire that all souls come and purify themselves in the water of penance, and that the feelings of trust, and not fear, may penetrate you, because Jesus is a God of Mercy and He is always ready to receive us in His Heart.

God Bless

Thank you for reading

May I also ask what sins you are struggling with? as we may be able to help you overcome them. :slight_smile:

God Bless

Thank you for reading

Now would be the time to better form your conscience. Parse out your mortal sins and identify how each affects your relationship with God, with others, and how you feel about yourself. With this simple exercise, you should be able to develop an aversion to the sin itself, not just the consequences.

Go, especially if the sin is repeated. There was a sin that I just kept on repeating, over and over again. I also had no remorse for doing it, but as I grew spiritually I started to see it as a sin which needed to be defeated. I tried many times to stop with different methods. Nothing worked. I took it to confession. I fell into the sin, again, but far more awareness of it. A couple more times of confessing and falling the weaker the sin had on me. Confession helped heal my sin.

My recommendation, confess, confess, confess; pray the rosary especially the sorrowful mysteries; stations of the cross; adoration; divine Mercy chaplet or just state at the divine mercy image. Jesus died for your sins, he has forgiving you of them. You don’t deserve what he did for you, none of us do. This is a grace he gives you, use it and repent.

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