I’m starting to think I’m not strong enough for life.
The back story is that I have had a very difficult relationship with my family since I met my husband.
Before I was married, my family labeled me the “holy” one of our family, I was active at church and helped everyone in my family when they needed assistance with anything.
While dating my DH I noticed my family start to get a strange attitude. I brushed it off as them just thinking my new relationship was puppy love. But, shortly after I was married, my mother (who is the head of the house) started giving me the silent treatment and acting mean in general. She was constantly mad at me for something, making sarcastic remarks and I didn’t even know why. It culminated when my entire family started scolding me one day and yelling at me for being a “horrible person” (which, though I have my own human failings, I am pretty sure I’m not).
At the worst, my mom tried to leave the family for the night because she thought too many people were taking my side, but I begged her not to. Since I have depression to begin with, I was so hopeless after the explosive argument, that I vocally contemplated suicide. When my dad saw me leave the house, he wrestled me to the ground. The whole time my husband was hiding in our bedroom in fear of his in-laws. After that day I stayed in the bedroom for two weeks because I was terrified to face anyone in my family. During that time no one in my family even checked on me to see if I was okay. So my husband and I made plans to leave.
A year later I am estranged from my family. They don’t care to visit or ask how I am, even though I have invited them to come see us ( though I was scared to ask). My extended relatives have slowly become cold towards me so I take that as evidence my family has told them their view of things. My depression is much better, but with no friends or family and my husband at work the majority of the time, I get extremely lonely. I seriously am lost for what God wants me to do. I feel utterly useless. Being of the generation that uses social media, I try to use it to keep in touch with past classmates and relatives, though more often than not, It only reveals how lonely I really am. My church isn’t much help either. No one has introduced themselves to my husband or I and we have been going there for a while. I feel like my world would be much brighter if I could find some friends to be my “replacement family”. It’s just so hard. I’d love to move to a Catholic community, but my husband needs to live where we are for his job. If you have helpful advice besides the routine “find a therapist”. Please Share. Otherwise, I would be very grateful for your prayers. I feel like I have the world on my shoulders and I want to feel free to live my life without the cloud of shame and judgment over my head. God bless.