I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Advice? Encouragement? A quick laugh?

My husband is a field agent for the Knights of Columbus. He does a great job at it. He had left the corporate financial industry to do this, and for the first time in his life he is actually happy in his career. This makes me very proud and very happy, too. I am so pleased for him!

The only drawback is he is not home anymore. He leaves at about 8:15 in the morning and gets back after 11. I understand it. I am not asking anybody to change it, but I am looking for some words of encouragement or advice. Without him around, I run the whole show while I am still working full-time. This is challenging! I love my daughter, and I am finding that she works very well with me when it is just the two of us. She is my helper. She helps set the table, she helps clear the table, she plays well…she’s great. So it isn’t that I am tired of my daughter, but I don’t know. I think maybe I am just lonely even though I have an amazing little family.

Then I feel a range of emotions. Guilt for feeling lonely or under appreciated. Joy for my husband. Nerves for the upcoming new baby. Remorse that I have to go to work every day. Excitement that I likely will be able to stay home after this second baby is born. …Fear that I am going to stay home after this second baby is born. I’m a whole bundle of stuff. :stuck_out_tongue: I know that this is exacerbated by pregnancy.

So with all of this rambling, I am basically asking this. I know I am not the only mother to have done it on her own! What kinds of things did you do to help get you through this funk? I don’t have many friends in the area to call on for support, and my family is not in the same state. I really do feel like I’m on my own. I am hopeful that this will be different (not likely easier, just different) when I am able to stay home. There will be more open time to meet other mothers at community events and bonding classes with the kids…that is my hope at least. But for now, I’m limited to a small, crazy busy window of time every evening to get everything done. …woops, I rambled again. Anyway, any advice?

I was a military wife for twenty years. My husband was gone many times for months at a time. It was hard not having him there with four children on my own, often living abroad away from family. But everything worked out because I had daily routines for our family and we stuck to the script. Also hired household help, which saved my life. Develop your household routine, stick to it, hire a teen from church to come in and give you a hand. It all helps.
One huge factor is how do you keep going when it’s just you. Make sure to develop interests and hobbies of your own that you enjoy. Mine was music and art, also photography. Don’t depend on your husband to provide a lot of mental stimulation right now, but be happy within your own self.
You have a lot on your plate, it’s good you will be staying home. Good luck and God bless!!!

From what I understand of the insurance business, it’s important to establish a pipeline of business. But once your husband gets some momentum, it shouldn’t be necessary to continue at his current pace. The Knights of Columbus does not intend for you to sacrifice your family life indefinitely.

Once your husband gets into more of a rhythm, I wonder if it would be possible to schedule lunch dates or picnics at the playground during his slow times. Obviously, he has to work during other people’s off-work times (when they’re available), but he should eventually be able to figure out when he can take an hour or two off in the middle of his work day. He still has to eat (and it shouldn’t always be fast food crud) and he needs to be able to exercise. It is possible to neglect food and exercise for short periods of time, but eventually, he’ll need to get back to a healthy routine. He’s an insurance agent–he should understand the risks he is taking if he doesn’t take care of himself.

For the most of the first year of my daughter’s life my husband worked insane hours for the military as well.
It was a local but he was on full time orders for 5 years straight.

He worked 13 house shifts and had a 40 min drive…meaning he’d leave at 5 am and be home around 8 pm and be in bed early for the next day.
The worst part about his shift was it rotated back and forth form nights to days every 3 months.

So take that schedule he was on and reverse it to overnights.

I was a single mother when he was on nights. He’d work all night and sleep all day. On his days off he’d try to wake up a little earlier and help out. He’d also stay up with Emma and help with feedings on the night shift when she was first born…meaning I would get a good night’s sleep.

When he has days off…plan a day out for yourself in advanced. Mark it on the calendar so he knows it’s there and you can count down the days.
He’ll watch the kids for the day and you go out and do something you want to do.

I had saved some money for awhile and was able to go out and do a little shopping on my own one day. I had lunch and bought a few new outfits and topped it off with an ice cream at pink berry. It was awesome.

When you start staying home full time…get a routine going and get out of the house. I go to daily Mass with my daughter.
She has swim lessons once a week…which is nice.
We go for walks…even if it means going to the mall on bad weather days.

Don’t worry about getting all of the housework done every single day. I’m pregnant too and I’ve found I just don’t have the energy like I used to.
I used to get most of the cleaning, laundry and stuff done around the house while my daughter napped every day.
Now I do the best I can…if I have to take a nap when she does…I will.
I plan dinners in advanced and do a lot of crock pot cooking.

Also…even better, my husband found a new job. It doesn’t pay as much as his other job did…but it’s enough to pay the bills and keep me home still.
His hours are so much better and no more overnights.

The Knights of Columbus is an insurance agency? Who knew?

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