I was a fallen away Catholic and I’ve recently reconverted back to the Church.
My wife was also a fallen away Catholic, and has been attending Mass with me.
We have 3 beautiful children (triplets).
But the thing is… my wife really doesn’t believe in any of it. She doesn’t particularly believe that Jesus is the Son of God. She doesn’t agree with the Church’s teaching on Abortion or Contraception. I bought her an audio Gospel that she could listen to on her way to and from work (since she couldn’t be bothered to read it, even though she did read the Da Vinci Code), but after a certain point, she just stopped listening to it. I bought her Karl Keating’s book about what Catholics believe, and sure enough, she read it at first, but never finished it.
The thing is, in our discussions of these issues, she really can’t offer a sound defense of her position. When I point to the culture of contraception and the verifiable fact that the West is losing population because of it, she just shrugs and says that contraception is okay. She thinks Abortions aren’t all that great, but still is basically pro-choice, even when arguments are presented that she can’t answer.
The frustrating thing is that she can’t even justify her position on any of these issues. She says to me that the problem is that I am too good at arguing, and that she really can’t formulate her thoughts into a cogent and consistent position. She admit that she’s not a “thinking” person (meaning not that she’s not intelligent, but that she doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking deeply about things), but it seems that the core of her beliefs is her desire to fit in with modern society.
She initially totally freaked out about my reconversion, and for a time, it was as if I was engaging in pornography in my own home. She doesn’t look at our marriage as a partnership, but as some sort of adversarial relationship.
I believe in the Church’s teachings on the sanctity of marriage, and I would never put my kids through a divorce, but I don’t know what to do. I’m miserable. I love her, but she doesn’t really believe in anything. Her whole outlook on life seems to be that she can’t be bothered.
I can accept that this is my cross to bear, but emotionally I’m not sure if I can engage in intercourse with her, because I feel so separate from her in so many ways. And refraining from that seems wrong to, because we are married and I have always understood that the Church does not expect a married relationship to be platonic.
I’m not sure if I could get an annulment after my kids are grown – it’s out of the question for me while they are young.
I’m sorry to be long-winded, but my heart is breaking. I’ve prayed to the Lord to convert my wife, but it’s not happening. The divisions between us are very deep. She is fundamentally a secular person, and I am not. On some level, it even bothers me that she takes the Eucharist and comes to mass, because I know that she doesn’t really believe it.
I don’t know what to do.