I'm so mad! I need some mental/emotional support


I work as an executive assistant, and was hired to be a FT employee. I’m expected to be here extra hours during busy times, and when the business is slow, my boss has decided to use me as her maid at home! :mad:

I have been working here for almost 2 yrs, and all of a sudden, because the business is a bit slow, my boss wants to either give me less hours or help her organize her house! I am a computer person. She hired me and promised me to have the 40 hours, even her business partner told me it’s really unfair my boss is doing this to me.

Aside from this, she pays me as a 1099 worker and I get no benefits, so I have to pay my taxes and pay my health insurance. I’m a “1099” worker so she doesn’t get to pay worker’s comp insurance and so she doesn’t get to pay my taxes. I have to do as she says, I’m a real employee. If I was a 1099 I would set my price, my terms, my hours. But no! I have to do as she says, pays me an x amount of money an hour and God forbid I get a migraine or get sick because she will have a fit. God forbid I have to go to the doctor during business hours because I am not allowed to be a human with health needs. She tells me to schedule my doctor appts and my dentist appts around my work schedule. I work M-F 8:30-4:30. I live in the SF Bay Area, so if you add traffic to my work hours, I’m busy from 7am - 5:30 pm. How on earth am I supposed to schedule anything when doctors and dentists have those exact business hours???

I am soooooooo mad. I’m so upset I feel like crying right now. Her words a few minutes ago were “either you come to my house, or you don’t work” :mad: Her business partner was telling me I was hired as a FT employee regardless of how the market is doing. She makes over a million dollars a yr and doesn’t spend it all in the year. She’s a broker and her paychecks are huge all the time. This year she has made about half a million. With he r lifestyle, $200K is enough to survive and have a huge savings account. But she cannot keep her employee as promised. Her assistant of 17 yrs quit a few months ago. There were 2 of us, but her main assistant decided to call it quits because she couldn’t stand our boss any longer. When she left, I took on her responsibilities along with mine. W/o Carol, my boss is saving up 30 hrs of weekly pay and Carol made way more than I do. My boss never did this sort of thing to Carol. Carol’s hours were never cut, she was never forced to go clean out the boss’ junk at her house. I did that for the last 2 wks and told me that was it. Now, she comes back from vacation and wants me to keep on doing that.

I cannot take this job any more. I’m looking for another job. I don’t care if I take a pay cut as long as it includes benefits. I hate my job. My life has been miserable because of it. This woman treats people like garbage. She yells at the top of her lungs if others don’t do things as she wants them done. ie. she calls southwest airlines and because they won’t turn the world around for her, she causes a huge turmoil and threatens to get them fired or to never use their services again. She has gotten reporters fired because she wasn’t happy with one little detail. I cannot take this stress. She drives me crazy. Ever since I started working for her, I’m and angry person. I wasn’t an angry person. I’ve always been loving, caring and respectful.

Could you believe that once she asked Carol why I don’t yell back at her (at the boss) when she makes me angry? Because I respect the elderly and because I’m Catholic!!!

That said, sorry for ranting, venting and whinning here but I have no other place to do it. After work I get to go to school for 3.5 hrs and not even eat dinner and not even get to see DH and my pets :frowning: so I am not even going to have time to talk to DH about this.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, I’m not even allowed to get out of the office for lunch. I’m expected to work while I eat!!!


I’m so sorry you’re going through this. it sounds like your boss is going against labor laws. It might be time to consult with the labor board about your boss or leave the job a.s.a.p.
In the meantime pray hard for your sanity and yes, even for your boss to see the error of(his/her) ways.
Sometimes God gives us big challenges but also the solutions.
It’s okay to vent . This is the right place.
God love you!


Document and report her numerous irregularities and violations to the employment commission in your state.

You can contest the contractor status and the self-employment taxes you are paying, too.

I would seek legal advice if I were you. I would also find another job, but I would still report her to the employment commission so that future applicants are not subjected to her abuse and illegal tactics.


Your boss is not treating you fairly, and hiring you as a contractor and 1099ing you is probably not even legal. Take a look at this IRS publication and compare it to your working situation:


I would definitely encourage you to look for employment elsewhere, someplace with good benefits, because those really do add up in the overall compensation package. Just the savings in what your emplyer pays in SS contributions will make a big difference, not to mention health and retirement benefits. I just started working for the CSU system, and the benefits are really excellent.


I agree.
High time to blow your whistle.
Alos, remember you don’t have to do anything.


You received some excellent advice so far. I would definately look into the labor laws and don’t forget to document, document, document. That paper is crucial if it ever comes down to the legal system.

I want to also say something about your response to her demands. I used to watch Dr. Phil and one thing he said really stuck in my head … “You teach people how to treat you.” She seems to have gotten the idea that she CAN treat you like this. It may have started off as a few minor ‘favors’ but she has now upped the ante to ‘demands’. How have you responded?

You have to establish clear boundaries with employers. Being eager and willing to cooperate are assets but when it turns into a situation of abuse, then it has gone too far. It’s a road that one has to learn how to navigate.

I also agree with others that said that it is probably time to look for another job. What this job is costing you doesn’t sound like it’s worth it. Your husband and your pets need you. :slight_smile:


One thing here - will you need her as a reference for another job?? If so, you may have to grin and bear it until you find another job.

In one sense, an Executive Assistant does just that, assists the executive, that may mean doing some of the errands that free the exec up to do other things.

The whole 1099 thing - well, that does sound fishy.

Call a recruiter - a “head hunter” - a good EA can always find a good job :smiley:

My advice, play nice til you get another offer.


She is not contract labor as defined by law. She could very well go to the Internal Revenue Service and get aruling that she is a statutory employee and her employer will be liable for paying their portion of the FICA that she has paid over the years. The problem of course is one she does and she is out of a job,


You cannot be a 1099 and a FT employee.

Someone on a 1099 is know as contract laborer. You know your job and you are paid to complete your job on your time in your manner…I have two contract laborers in my business. They don’t even work full time. One is my dad, one is the cleaning girl.

So, doesn’t sound like you are a contract laborer at all. They are abusing the whole 1099 employee thing and they will get caught. That’s the first thing the IRS looks for is contract labor and traveling expenses…will get you audited everytime.

Sound like to me, even if you were a FT employee, you are not happy there. Are you the only employee? Just curious? Is it a small business? Are they in a certain business that would allow lots of 1099 workers?


I have checked out the labor laws and the irs laws before and I know for sure she’s violating the law. Around tax deadline in April I reported her anonymously to the IRS, but I haven’t heard anything.

I have set boundaries with this woman about how to treat me. I confronted her once, and when I think she’s asking ridiculous things, I let her know how I feel and sometimes she stops her ridiculous behavior. She treats everyone this way, not just me. You should see how she treats her husband and oneof her 3 daughters. She’s always had money and expects the world to revolve around her because of her money.

I found 4 interesting positions I can apply for closer to home. I just need to get away from this environment. This could be another reason why I get so many tension headaches and all those horrible migraines. I guess I can live off with things being a bit tight at home for a while after I get another position, which most likely, it’ll pay less than what I’m making now. DH has proposed to work weekends until I finish school. But if I get a good enough job, that has benefits and pays good, then I won’t even need to go to school. I have a BA degree and lots of experience in the workplace.

I just need to get away, this mental strain is too much for me and for my DH. I think our problems began when this lady got on my nerves the first time and my now short fused temper, DH and I argue more often (don’t worry, I’m no monster but I am not as passive as before). And because we began arguing so often, he began to act like me. It’s non-ending cycle!


That is why I want to find a job, and give her about a month’s notice, maybe 2 wks. Then, after I get past the 90 day probation period, call the IRS and the CA labor department.

I’ve thought about a recruiter, but I have no idea how to find one…


Exactly, and if I’m out of a job, we cannot afford our mortgage, and we cannot pay our bills, food, health insurance, etc…


If you are willing to do that, you need to get out.

…if you feel that you are working in a immoral enviroment, then you need to get out and leave the punishment up to God. It will come around to her and bite her back…but really, if you feel this way about her, you need to leave. It’s not good for everyone involved.


It’s a big company (world wide known) but I work for a specific broker w/in the company. I don’t even know if the office manager (my boss’ boss) knows about my situation. I told the office ast. mgr and she just grinned… she even suggested I look for another job.


Hey, I am not living in the US but we have similar tax laws in Canada and I used to be a small business auditor.

If you are a 1099 worker but you are disputing the fact, I am sure you can ask/apply for a ruling. There is probably a publication on the IRS website that has yes or no questions like

1.) Do you set your own hours? Start time, lunch time, etc?
2.) Do you work exclusively for one person, or can you adverstise to work for other companies?


If you do not meet the requirements for 1099, then you should have it changed as it sounds like your “employer” is treating you like an “employee”.

Do you have a signed contract of employment?

I bet you are in a tough situation because if there were other jobs available for similar pay, you would be gone in a flash right?

A friend of mine was in a similar situation, having to take care of her bosses dogs who would poop all over her house while the boss was on business trips! She eventually quit, and her boss went bankrupt and she didn’t get a month’s worth of pay… bad situation altogether.

You are in my prayers.


By the way, when and if you get a ruling’s officer to visit your place of employment to make the assessment, your boss will never officially know if you called her in, or if the IRS found the information through your taxes ( and possible denied deductions you may have tried to make as a self employed person ). She can’t blame you for the rulings visit.




No job is worth your health, marriage or self respect. Find another one. There is plenty of work out there.


What degree are you seeking in school? I’m a big fan of education and if it can serve you well in the future it may be well worth it to try and continue.

You do seem to have a lot on your plate and it sounds like you could use a nice vacation.

In my humble opinion, no job is worth bringing home stress to the house. My husband has had those kind of jobs and I told him that I would rather be less comfortable financially rather than having him miserable. I would be incredulous when I would listen to him talk about his employers. I can’t believe how some people treat others. :mad:


I’m studying to become a clinical medical assistant to get my foot in the door at a clinic/hospital/health insurance company my mom, aunt and aunt in-law work for. My BA is in Psychology but it’s worth nothing here in the US. I need at least a master’s degree and no one likes to hire people with little experience. I quit my master’s program in 2004 when my unlce passed away. It was a hard time in my life and couldn’t bear the load of school. So, to get back into school, I need reference letters and experience in the field, more so than before.

My mom began as a medical assistant and now she’s a district director at this place and now has her MBA in health care.

And about the job stress and bringing it to my house, it’s horrible. I miss the days when DH and I would rarely argue. This job is not worth my marriage or health. Good thing my mom had my resume at her office, she just emailed it to me so I can add this horrible job to it and send it to people as I find positions I might qualify for.

Oh, and can you believe my boss? She swears on God’s name she’s the most holy person on earth but she treats employees and and other type of worker this way. God forbid her friends and church find out she’s this way though. She’s always talking about, I love prayers… blah! If she was so religious, she would treat people with respect. She was Catholic, and when she divorced her husband and wasn’t allowed to remarry, of course she switched religions. Now she belongs to a weird new agy church with women “priests”… ugh

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.