For the last few days or so, I’ve been quite angry at God for letting me suffer with attention deficit disorder, anxieties and anger problems as well as a learning disability. I know some of you think I am not that kind of person but I’m being extremely t otally honest with you all here!
First of all, I feel like my brain is like so dumb and I can’t seem to function great in this “business” world. Well, I can but I struggle like hell. Why the heck would God let me struggle with this? My brain is so limited.
Second, I have a reading comprehension problem as well so how the heck can I understand the CCC or the Bible itself if I don’t know how to comprehend what I’m reading? Well, I wll say that I can read but it’s at a lower level and more like I need to have “lames terms”! It stinks, it really does!
Third, I can’t seem to concentrate or focus praying due to my dumb brain not being able to focus on meditating, praying, etc. like I have to struggle at it and then when I finally get the prayer out, it doesn’t mean a thing anymore. As if I was praying in vain because my mind is focused only on me trying to focus to pray, does that make sense?
I was diagnosed with all these problems at least 10 or so years ago and have been in hell suffering with them up 'till now.
I am so angry! I wish I was dead, I really do! And I REALLY HATE to say this but in my situation, life is a CURSE when you go through what I go through. It ain’t a blessing! But that’s how I feel. You guys really have no idea of terrible this is.
Now I know some people say well, offer it up! I did and it didn’t do anything, no peace, no nothing. I am too angry to even offer it up! Some of you guys obviously don’t know me but I can get extremely angry…so angry that I cuss when I’m praying! Like, Lord why the heck are you letting me suffer this cra p? that’s how angry I am!
I also can’t help but think the devil is at it again. You know, like tempting me with evil, impure thoughts that no one else would think, etc.
If anyone else here on this forum is going through something very similar, I would like to know how they deal with it.
Some of you on this forum will think that I’m going overboard with this but I just can’t seem to deal with it anymore!
Could you guys help me in trying to deal with this because I’m going to have it for the rest of my life (which causes me more dread!)?
Also, what does the CC teach about being dumb? :rolleyes: