I'm very confused


#1

I’ve been struggling with a little confusion about my sexual orientation. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always felt attracted to men (I’m female). Unfortunately I did/do suffer from some sexual addictions (including masturbation, which I’ve been trying to overcome). I’ve always fantasized about men. Over the past couple of years though, I’ve felt somewhat drawn to a few women. I can’t tell if it’s sexually or not. I think it all started when I felt a woman was checking me out, and I couldn’t determine whether or not I liked it. I do suffer from a lot of anxiety and scrupulosity. Also, in the past, I used to look at both sexes impurely and still do sometimes. Whenever I see a woman dressed immodestly I will look at her. I will admit that the female body does arouse me, but I don’t feel like I’m actually attracted to the woman I’m looking at. I think it provokes thoughts of masturbation. Anyway, I can’t seem to reconcile any of this in my mind because there is a wonderful man that I know who I am VERY attracted to and wish to marry. There was a man I was attracted to before my current interest, but he was very effeminate and this was a bit of a turn-off. My current interest is very masculine and I feel quite attracted to that. I should mention that I’m only 22, so my hormones probably do play some tricks on me. Also, I am quite sensitive in the sexual area thanks to all of my past addictions. Does this sound like I have bisexual tendencies? Or am I just letting my anxiety/scrupulosity worry me over nothing? Sorry for the lengthy post, but I’m really worried about this because I so badly want to get married. I really desire to be a good catholic wife and mother. :frowning:


#2

Well, first off, get your anxiety dealt with. This may require going to see a doctor. Personally, I also have anxiety which needs medications. Of course, it isn’t my only problem that needs this. Plus I’ve been in counseling for years

Ok, that didn’t have much to do with your question. Your anxiety is affecting your judgement. Back off on the marriage bit until that isn’t such a problem. You may be anxious to “prove” your not a bi-sexual, or whatever, that you want to marry as soon as possible.


#3

Christopher West does excellent Catholic explanations about sex and related issues so take a look through his site here for anything that might interest you. christopherwest.com/works.asp


#4

Ok, that didn’t have much to do with your question. Your anxiety is affecting your judgement. Back off on the marriage bit until that isn’t such a problem. You may be anxious to “prove” your not a bi-sexual, or whatever, that you want to marry as soon as possible.

No, I’m not anxious to marry to prove that I’m not bisexual. I really do love this man and think he is the perfect man for me. To be honest, I haven’t had these thoughts in a while, but they suddenly started bothering me again the other day. I am on Xanax (using it as a muscle relaxant), so maybe that’s provoking my weird thoughts?


#5

Stay completely away from secular psycholigists or psychiartrists. All they are interested in is drugging people in order to make money for themselves an the pharmecautical companies!

Get yourself a good spiritual advisor, preferably a good conservative priest. Do not worry about your odd feelings. Scrupulosity can make us think about the very things we DON’T want to think about! We all have struggles with strange thoughts from time to time. It’s part of our fallen nature. :slight_smile:

Along with getting a good spiritual advisor into your life, start cleaning as much bad influence out your life that you can. Listen to only wholesome music, watch decent movies and TV (if you can find it). Most importantly don’t read woman’s magazines like Cosmo… Self… or look at porn or read trashy romance novels. These things are like gasoline on the fire when it comes to mastubation. With a cleaned up mind, the masturbation will not be nearly the temptation it once was.

Chances are you are just fine. Go to regular confession and pray every day in thanksgiving to God for the good things in your life and ask him to send you a good Catholic husband when you are ready to be married!

You are going to be just fine :slight_smile:


#6

I don’t think you need to worry and I don’t think you suffer from same sex attraction. As others have said, our sexual instinct has become disordered due to the consequences of Original Sin. Most people go through periods where they struggle with improper sexual thoughts and many, many people struggle with the sin of masturbation.

Admiring the beauty of another female does not make you homosexual; simply finding someone attractive does not mean that you have any disordered sexual tendencies. However, you may develop problems if you begin to actively encourage impure thoughts, or if you deliberately sexualise your admiration of female beauty.

There is nothing wrong in acknowledging the beauty of another female. You are simply acknowledging the handiwork of the Creator. However, you must fight to ensure that this appreciation does not become disordered.

You are heterosexual because that is what God created you to be. Your wounded nature may sometimes cause you to question this, but I suggest that you brush these thoughts aside as soon as they enter your head.

Pray to the Blessed Virgin Mary and ask for purity and chastity.


#7

If you have medical problems (such as anxiety) go to a doctor or a registered psychologist. Any priest would tell you the same thing.


#8

Xanax was once prescribed for me, but for anxiety. I was pulled off it by a different doctor because it can be addictive. At least, that’s what I was told. You might want to check back with your doctor. There may be something that will get you through an “exam.” Once that is done, you may feel more at ease.

I remember my first few exams. Back then they didn’t warm up the metal thing they used. I can’t remember the name. Well, they would say, “this will be a bit cold.” Cold? It felt like it had just been taken out of a refrigerator! Even now I have a hard time relaxing during an exam. And my first one was about 26 years ago.

It’s hard to say “just relax” from this end of things. The first time is always the hardest. And I don’t just mean the exam. After all these years of keeping it “shut down” you might have a problem with opening up. But that can be over come. So, go easy on yourself.


#9

I’m more than twice your age, so I hope you will consider this advice as coming from an older sister in Christ.

First of all, just because you can drive, vote and drink, doesn’t mean that you are fully mature - trust me, I’ve been 22.

As you wisely noted, at your age, hormones are still kind of wacky. Also, it is not uncommon for young men and women to need to “grow into themselves.” Toss in some anxiety and scrupulosity together with your personal experiences, and this can lead to your confusion. It also doesn’t help that in today’s day and age, we are all constantly bombarded with intentionally sensual and sexual images and innuendo from the media.

Now, let’s look at the facts: You say “[e]ver since I can remember, I’ve always felt attracted to men,” you have “always fantasized about men,” “there is a wonderful man that I know who I am VERY attracted to and wish to marry,” “[t]here was a man I was attracted to before my current interest,” “[m]y current interest is very masculine and I feel quite attracted to that,” and you “so badly want to get married. I really desire to be a good catholic wife and mother.” All this sounds like the thoughts and desires of a healthy, heterosexual woman.

I would suggest (from my own personal experience) that the attraction you might feel for the feminine stems from the fact that because you have had sexual experiences (including masturbation), you may be aroused by the feminine because as a woman you know what it feels like to have an aroused feminine body. I hope I’m being understandable here… you’re attracted to men because you’re heterosexual, but you can feel arousal by the sight of a woman because you know how a woman’s body feels when aroused.

I went through this confusion when I was younger, and once I figured it out, it relieved my fears that I was bi-sexual.

I would suggest that you frequent the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The graces received from the Sacrament can really help in getting your sexual life in order. Also, praying to the Blessed Mother for help and strength in this area is another big help, especially in overcoming masturbation.

It might also help to check out Pope John Paul II’s teaching on the meaning of the human body and sexuality, Theology of the Body. You can Google this.

You’ll be in my prayers. I have no doubt that with the graces received through prayer and the Sacraments, that one day your desire will be fulfilled, and you will be a good Catholic wife and mother. God bless.


#10

Thanks everybody for your comments. I’m beginning to feel some relief from this. :slight_smile:


#11

Don’t get stuck on a false label. You are not a “bisexual” or a “homosexual.” These are contrived identities that only confuse people into thinking they are slaves to supposedly inborn tendencies. You are not a slave, you are a Christian, and therefore you know you ought to avoid sinful behavior of any kind, whether same sex attraction, masturbation, or any thing else. Pray for God’s grace to overcome these sins.


#12

Whether you are a bisexual or not, it doesn’t really matter. If you are really in love with and planning to marry this man you speak of, then it should not matter. But assuming you are bisexual, it seems like you’re more attracted to men than women. It happens. :wink:

I’m sure you’ll make a wonderful wife and mother. :slight_smile: Your orientation should not matter.

Defnitely see a doctor about this anxiety issue of yours-- you know, if it’s really out of hand. Health is first, friend! :smiley:

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood


#13

Yea… “any” priest will tell you this, but a GOOD priest will tell you that a lot of anxiety is due to illness in the soul often times caused by unconfessed sin and a lack of trust in the goodness of God. Not that medications aren’t appropriate in certain cases, but too often, people are drugged when all they need is a good confession and the support of other good practicing catholics!:wink:


#14

This is probably the most asinine advice I’ve ever heard on this forum. If she chooses to seek medical help it should be a well-qualified medical doctor who’s credentials come from the proper establishments, not you. You have not right at all to say such a thing to someone who may need professional help.


#15

And what particular flavor is this pie-in-the-sky that you seem to favor? So confession alone is enough to cure depression and anxiety? Who would’a thunk it?:hypno:


#16

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.