Immoral to not want children?


After seeing my immigrant parents struggle to raise all of us. I wonder this is what brings people meaning in their lives. I would not my mind 1-2 children or even none. I do not see or feel what is so exciting about having children to be honest. Especially as a woman. Then I think, what if God wants to be a mother?


How old are you?
How much experience have you had with children?
How was your childhood?
Do you have sisters or brothers?

There are so many things to think about when having children.

We often can see other people’s children as an abstractions but our own are real to us.

If you do not feel called to be a mother perhaps you are being called to give yourself to God in other ways.

There are many children in the world who could be protected by women who dedicate themselves to become lawyers or doctors.

However, if you decide to marry you will need to give serious thought about all that entails.

Dedicated single women can give so much to the world even if they are not prepared to be mothers themselves.


I’m in my mid20s. I have two younger siblings. How was my childhood? I want to say I had a happy childhood. I come from.a culture that does not accept female singleness. Obviously the answer is don’t care. It does get awfully annoying why your choice to not Wed or have children will become public topic at Thanksgiving, Christmas, other holidays or family get togethers. Family members may question your sexuality. I am old enough to have children. Many friends have children. I’ll probably have one. I do wonder if God calls me to lead a chaste life as a single woman. Hopefully God gives me the backbone to endure people’s criticism, prying and judgment.


A married person - is yes called to be open to receiving children (there can be times when one will seek to avoid a new child via moral means (NFP) for a serious reason) - openness children are part of marriage.

A woman called to consecrated life -will be still be a mother… a “spiritual mother”.

In any case you must seek your “personal vocation” and that mean that some may not like what your called to.

My wife thought about all these vocations…tis good to do …and decided to she was called to marriage. Discernment may take some time.


It is hard to find ones true vocation when you are subjected to criticism, prying and judgment. I wish I could say the right words for you to learn how to just let that slide off your back like water on a duck. You are young and it sounds as if your family is important to you but at the same time you need to create a distance in order to figure out what God wants for you. You certainly should not rush into marriage and children because this is what your family has decided for you.

You are not immoral for not wanting children. You are a young woman trying to figure out life. Don’t ever belittle yourself for this. It is wise to learn who you are.

(P.S. I come from a wonderful in-your-face family. They can be wonderful but learning to put into place boundaries (not walls) is a good thing.)


living the life God wants you to live.




First of all, don’t let other people’s struggles, as seen from your point of view and not theirs, influence your decisions. Do your parents feel like bringing up 3 children was as difficult as you think it was? Why not ask how they did it and what it meant to them? You might get a very different perspective.

I married later in life at 35. I too got questions tossed at me at holiday gatherings in my 20’s. I’d just say that if I married it would be at the right time to the right person and that was more in God’s hands than mine. That was usually answer enough. :wink: As someone else said, you have to set up boundaries, and not let others cross them no matter how well-intentioned they are. On way to do that is to physically remove yourself from them, in a nice way, until they stop pestering you.

As it happened, my dh and couldn’t have children, and I wasn’t keen on having any, as it was. Still, I’ve learned as a married person that whatever God sends my way, as long as I am doing his will everything works out just fine. I am content–not because we never have problems or struggles, everyone does no matter what life they choose, but because our trust is in God not in our circumstances.

So, whatever you decide to do, just be sure you are doing what God wants you to do. No matter who doesn’t understand or criticizes, you can have peace of mind and heart knowing that God will take care of everything that needs taking care of. :slight_smile:


I guess that is true. The only difference is we have assurance God is with us.


There is always the single life and those types of vocations if there’s no wish for children.


No sex if you do not want children


Correction: No sex if you are not willing to accept children that might result.


celibacy for now.


Good advice, Helen Rose!



And I’m praying for the OP. It’s not easy out there…

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

My Jesus, I trust in you. Take care of everything.
My Jesus, I trust in you. Take care of everything.
My Jesus, I trust in you. Take care of everything.
My Jesus, I trust in you. Take care of everything.
My Jesus, I trust in you. Take care of everything.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
NOW and at the hour of our death. Amen.



I want to retract my last post in light of an answer on the Ask An Apologist forum:


I don’t think there is any sin in not wanting children, but it does mean that the option of marriage is not available, because in marriage we are called to welcome children and as a couple you must be open to them.

If you are happy to remain chaste and single then that is a perfectly valid choice.


I think it needs mentioning that no one must have children if married, rather couples are to be open to having them, which does not mean they must have children (for example, they may mutually agree to abstain for spiritual reasons after making their vows which gives them the right to the nuptial embrace). Nor do they need to have as many as children as biologically possible (not that anyone here has suggested this).

Couples may employ natural methods to space children, including abstaining from sex. So, it’s not a black and white issue–just in case someone reading our posts might think so. It’s a matter of prudential judgment which couples ought to make with the guidance of their spiritual fathers.


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