Please help me… Sorry if this is stilted, I’ve been crying and want to make sure I get all the pertinent details down.
My fiance and I have been together for 3 years and living together for 2. We have a child together. We relocated in December 2011, leaving the parish I was so in love with and converted at. I have had the worst time finding a parish in San Antonio that I like. I cannot find a priest that I can understand and none of the churches ever feel as alive as my old parish…
We attended an orientation in March 2012 (I was pregnant at this time) to begin the year-long process required by the diocese before the sacrament of marriage. At the orientation, the priest there told us that the only way we would be allowed to marry in the church is if we moved into separate households and then confessed to living together before marriage. With a son on the way, that just wasn’t reasonable. Nor, planning to be a stay at home mom, was it financially feasible. Can you tell me your thoughts on what the priest told us? I know many, many couples that lived together long before getting married in the church so his insistence on this point confused me.
We scrapped the idea of getting married in the church… But it broke my heart to be turned away and so, here we are, a year later, still just engaged. Now I feel even WORSE because I feel like we are living in sin, setting such an awful example for our son. I feel that in the eyes of God, we are already married - is this blasphemous? But I just need the dumb paper saying so.
We have recently made a plan to go to the courthouse to get married. We don’t have the financial resources to have a big wedding, can’t get married in our own church anyway, and I’m living in so much pain not being married. I feel like such a failure doing this.
I never wanted a big wedding anyway. All I REALLY wanted was for my priest to be there, but I can’t have that unless I find a way to support two households on one income. Is there such a thing as a tiny Catholic wedding? My ideal would be a tiny chapel with my God and me and my groom and my priest, a few family members and friends (seriously, a few). No $3000 dress, no $1000 flower order, no band, no bridesmaids, etc etc. I just don’t want it or need it. But it seems like even if I was ABLE to get married in the church, there’s no real getting around these things.
If I go through with this plan to go to the courthouse and sign this piece of paper, can we later have our marriage blessed by a priest? As things stand… this is the first time in my life that I feel like the church has taken something away from me or hurt me. I feel rejected and not good enough. I work so hard everyday to keep the resentment I feel toward my new parish separate from my relationship with God but later on down the road, some sort of ceremony blessing the marriage or whatever it may be would probably be very healing for me.
I think that’s everything. Sorry to be so long-winded. Please be gentle.