The natural friendship and attraction should just “be there.” At the end of the day, that needs to be a “given” You don’t want to have to struggle to enjoy the other person’s company, or ignore feeling repelled by them. The maturity should “be there” Im not talking about the usual personal growth, but it should be a person who wants to commit to a marriage “for keeps,” that divorce is not an option in the back of his or her mind. There might be times down the line where a couple struggles with the friendship and attraction but you don’t want to start out that way.Some red flags that the person is not mature enough for marriage:
Game playing (trying to make the other person jealous, get attention or whatever with mind games, trying to annoy the other person)
Dishonesty (If the person is habitually dishonest now, even about little things, how will the suddenly change after marriage.)
Selfishness (does the person give of him or herself out of a sense of love for others and duty as a son or daughter of God, or is it an obviously selfish love
The most important topics to think about:
***Religious views. Not just “are the Catholic” but are they a “practicing Catholic” who isn’t just going ot Mass because they think it will “fill the slot” but that they live their faith everyday. Does the person’s loyalty lie with God or with materialism, or some other addiction.
****Desire for children, what they will do when they feel that they are "finished having children, will they be open to NFP or will they want sterilization? Are they prolife? It would be a deal breaker for me if the person wasn’t pro-life because I would see that as a serious issue with morality and value of human life.
+++ Reason for Marriage: Why does the person want to be married? Marriage is a vocation to be taken as seriously as entering the priesthood. Do you share the same family values? Does that person realize that they will need to give 110% ? Do they know that marriage is self sacrificing, life changing and that without God’s grace, nearly an impossible feat?
+++ The person must share your basic values, or it will be a conflict later, especially with the addition of children.
+++ Communication skills, It is much easier to choose a mate who already has good communication skills. Develop good communication while dating, long before considering marriage.
**+++Emotional maturity **
Addiction and abuseive behaviour are not a good way to start out a marriage. If the person overuses alcohol or drugs, or if they have a problem with rage, it will not magically change with marriage. Marriage is difficult enough without starting it out with serious problems.
Making a commitment to chastity is the most important thing you can do for your marriage. You will be assured that the person likes you for who you are, and will be able to judge clearly whether he or she is the right person for you. When a couple has sexual relations, it is intended to be a great spiritual bond. I have seen it so many times, people stay together because the closeness they feel during sex makes them think stay with the person, perhaps allowing the person they were intended to marry walk past. It is also a bad idea to start out a marriage without the Grace of God.