Impossible to find a Catholic Woman (Ireland)


#1

I’ve been browsing over this thread for sometime and found it very informative especially in time’s when struggling with certain topic’s which has now influenced me to join and get involved in some of the discussion. Anyway the point of this thread is simply to discuss how impossible it is to find a woman that hold’s Catholic value’s in the part i live in Ireland which is County Derry (don’t know how much of the rest of the country is affected). I mean this country once a bastion of the faith and it is now ALMOST obliterated. Anyway I’m going to try and explain this briefly without turning it into wall’s of text on what i mean.

I’m 22, i haven’t always been a practicing Catholic although i felt it was always inside me even when at time’s i was furthest away from God and in recent time’s feel there was something pulling me toward’s the faith, i had run away from it which i have done many time’s but then i became unhappy and restless however i never understood this as no-one else felt the same way such as my mate’s, they do these thing’s without thought or remorse or consideration for the woman whom they used. I’ve recently accepted fully therefore that only through God and his Church can i find contentment and true happiness. The thing is though that i’m incompatible with the Norm’s of society today such as using each other for pleasure, drug’s, being comfortable with getting sooo drunk you make and ejit of yourself etc. I have done all these but i am not content and later despise myself for doing it and realise that it is weak and unmanly to lose control to thing’s so destructive and treating other human being’s as mere object’s.

Me and my EX GF who were with each other for 3 year’s finished not too long ago. Apart from the fact that we just weren’t meant for each other and different it was our incompatibility with certain Catholic value’s that also caused division such as on contraception as she was of the view that when she get’s married she only want’s 1 or 2 kid’s and then use birth control. I tried to explain the WHY on the Catholic teaching of birth control but she would either get angry or simply say “ok then” as if she accepted it and then later would come out with the same thing. Other issue’s such as homosexuality, abortion IF raped etc was also problem’s. She was/is however a very nice, caring, kind girl although had a VERY bad temperament problem. The biggest error i made when i entered the relationship was that i was willing to simply go with a nice girl thinking someone who is faithful, kind and loving, etc is all i needed. I wasn’t as strong or knowledgeable in my faith and didn’t practice it even though inside i wanted to and compromised it for the purpose of the relationship to be less conflicting on certain view’s and i simply succumbed to temptation and vice.

Now that i am single and accepted my faith in it’s entirety, not the watered down cafeteria Catholic stuff and much more knowledgeable than i’ve ever been on the faith it has made me realize what i want and NEED. The Catholic woman who has Catholic view’s and character is only what i find attractive and appealing, the girl’s i see out at the weekend’s, sure some of them look nice are either unsure of what they want and will simply use someone for a bit of fun, other’s are out half naked and even though when i was just a teenager i would of chased such girl’s they have no appeal to me now at all, even their attractiveness goes when their character is not on par with the Catholic view on woman, sex, morality etc. The thing is though where i go out to at most you MIGHT meet a nice girl who say’s she doesn’t cheat and all that but none are Catholic. I have NEVER met a Catholic woman never-mind one i like. There is no Catholic even’t’s or conference’s even close to me so i don’t know what to do. What’s weird is that at mass on Saturday and Sunday there would be alot of people attending but for most it’s just something they do out of tradition or cause they maybe hold very basic Catholic value’s.

I just wanted to know what alternative do i have other than compromise my faith since i feel the urge to find a woman, not just dating for the point of it like some but to actually find one that i feel is the right woman whom i love and settle down, this urge is VERY strong and is synchronous with my strong faith in Catholicism. I am not desperate and saying it must happen NOW but how do i find a Catholic woman or should i just give up. I do not see them other girls mentioned above as appealing though as they do not share the qualities which Catholic women have which i believe make’s a woman a woman and the same also with men in which i felt much less of what a man should be like when i succumbed to temptation and vice. If i can’t find any Catholic woman then finding one that i actually like and whom i feel is “the one” seem’s impossible


#2

Try finding a guy who doesn't expect you to sleep with him. Then add to that trying to find a guy who is single but has an annulment or better yet has never been married. There are lots of divorced guys out there with no annulment ....when you ask them about their annulment status they act clueless but still expect you date them because they are civilly free under the law. When you try to explain to them that they are still technically "married" in the churches eyes and you don't feel free to date them they get mad and call you selfish. lol :rolleyes: We live in a wacky world turned upside down. What used to be accepted as normal is not considered outside the norm. I've accepted my single state as probably pemenent it's just hard to find people who are faithful to the church. Hope you have better luck but at 22 you have lot of time and are at the right age. I'm about twice that almost.


#3

[quote="Luvz2travel, post:2, topic:247800"]
Try finding a guy who doesn't expect you to sleep with him. Then add to that trying to find a guy who is single but has an annulment or better yet has never been married. There are lots of divorced guys out there with no annulment ....when you ask them about their annulment status they act clueless but still expect you date them because they are civilly free under the law. When you try to explain to them that they are still technically "married" in the churches eyes and you don't feel free to date them they get mad and call you selfish. lol :rolleyes: We live in a wacky world turned upside down. What used to be accepted as normal is not considered outside the norm. I've accepted my single state as probably pemenent it's just hard to find people who are faithful to the church. Hope you have better luck but at 22 you have lot of time and are at the right age. I'm about twice that almost.

[/quote]

So it seem's bad in your area then to find Catholic partner, also how do you accept your single status as permanent, do you never feel very saddened by that, i'm sure there is still hope? I just can't do, there is too much of an urge for me to find that woman but it's hard as i don't know how to go about doing it when there is no social meeting's or event's etc and since i've never met a Catholic woman then meeting one i like and end up in love with seem's impossible. For example some would have VERY basic Catholic view's but thing's like lusting after other's even when in relationship they don't see as wrong, it's everywhere on tv, internet etc. I just don't think a partner shouldn't do this especially knowingly as it is disrespectful to the one you love and who has give themselves to you. It's the Catholic mentality in a woman, that character that also think's the same that i find so unbelievably attractive as it is so strong and selfless. Yes i'm only 22 but i know it's what i want and if i haven't found a Catholic woman yet then what will change in the future in which i'm already aware time flies in so quickly


#4

[quote="Luvz2travel, post:2, topic:247800"]
When you try to explain to them that they are still technically "married" in the churches eyes and you don't feel free to date them they get mad and call you selfish.

[/quote]

Selfish? I'd sooner expect a charge of bigotry. Selfish?:confused::rolleyes::p

Solo for life:thumbsup:


#5

Prayers to you.... I am sure there is a good Catholic and Irish woman out there who shares your beliefs. 22 is still young enough to find her. I am in my late 30's and still having issues finding a good Catholic man so I stay for now with the single life.


#6

you could always be a nun :slight_smile:


#7

[quote="Paddy1989, post:3, topic:247800"]
So it seem's bad in your area then to find Catholic partner, also how do you accept your single status as permanent, do you never feel very saddened by that, i'm sure there is still hope? I just can't do, there is too much of an urge for me to find that woman but it's hard as i don't know how to go about doing it when there is no social meeting's or event's etc and since i've never met a Catholic woman then meeting one i like and end up in love with seem's impossible.

[/quote]

Why not pray about it? You have the right intentions and outlook. Make sure the rest of your life is in order though. You gotta be ready:thumbsup:


#8

Yea i do and i know that it is what i want and need and what i’m called to do. It’s just when i hear especially on here those who are older and still single yet desire the same thing it does worry me a bit as i just couldn’t accept never getting married, almost as if i’m meant to be for someone which might sound a bit silly. I don’t know why but i know it’s my calling i suppose. Was do other people on here do?


#9

Don’t panic, you’re only 22 and have time. Next, trust God: if He’s really calling you to get married, then when it is His will, you’ll meet your spouse. But here’s something you can do in the meantime. Go where the Catholic girls are. See if there are any kind of groups you can join at your parish, young adults groups are even better. If you keep running into the same girls after Mass, ask them out. And you’re in Ireland, so there’s always the possibility of a quick trip to Knock or somewhere like that if you have no luck at your parish.
Just don’t try the Catholic pick-up lines, such as " What’s YOUR favorite Rosary mystery ?" That would just be weird. :smiley:


#10

[quote="Anna_jane, post:9, topic:247800"]
Don't panic, you're only 22 and have time. Next, trust God: if He's really calling you to get married, then when it is His will, you'll meet your spouse. But here's something you can do in the meantime. Go where the Catholic girls are. See if there are any kind of groups you can join at your parish, young adults groups are even better. If you keep running into the same girls after Mass, ask them out. And you're in Ireland, so there's always the possibility of a quick trip to Knock or somewhere like that if you have no luck at your parish.
Just don't try the Catholic pick-up lines, such as " What's YOUR favorite Rosary mystery ?" That would just be weird. :D

[/quote]

Yea i know what your saying it's just that i know it's what i'm called for and want and am fully ready. The problem is there is no group's like that or event's and as i said that a large amount if not most who go to mass would have very basic belief and may even have their own view's such as the acceptance of casual sex, contraception etc. It's just that when i hear people even on here saying they desire so much to get married all those year's and never got it where some have even given up then it worries me as it could also happen to me. The alternative is simply compromising and going for a nice girl faithful woman with same interest's,like's etc who i like but who maybe at best only who hold's the very basic catholic value's which i can't do. First i'd know that it's wrong and how could you say you love someone and ignore that what they accept to be normal in reality is sometime's a mortal sin thus fatal to their eternity and happiness not to mention only a Catholic woman with this type of character is what i find attractive and appealing. I wasn't always like this, alot of self discovery and thinking what make's a man a man and woman a woman has brought me to this.


#11

[quote="Paddy1989, post:10, topic:247800"]
Yea i know what your saying it's just that i know it's what i'm called for and want and am fully ready. The problem is there is no group's like that or event's and as i said that a large amount if not most who go to mass would have very basic belief and may even have their own view's such as the acceptance of casual sex, contraception etc. It's just that when i hear people even on here saying they desire so much to get married all those year's and never got it where some have even given up then it worries me as it could also happen to me. The alternative is simply compromising and going for a nice girl faithful woman with same interest's,like's etc who i like but who maybe at best only who hold's the very basic catholic value's which i can't do. First i'd know that it's wrong and how could you say you love someone and ignore that what they accept to be normal in reality is sometime's a mortal sin thus fatal to their eternity and happiness not to mention only a Catholic woman with this type of character is what i find attractive and appealing. I wasn't always like this, alot of self discovery and thinking what make's a man a man and woman a woman has brought me to this.

[/quote]

Is there a Youth 2000 group in Derry? They have a website and event guide. Next up is the Clonmacnoise Youth Festival in August. Best of luck in your search.;)


#12

Paddy1989 just remember this if its God's will then you will be married but if its not God's will then you wont


#13

Hmm, well if you move to the U.S. I could introduce you to several beautiful, devout Catholic women. Here the scarcity seems to be more in the other direction--lots of good women, less eligible Catholic men (no offense to those of you who are indeed good Catholic men!). It took me a long time to find my husband and I still have many single girl friends who would make wonderful wives.

On a more realistic note though--what about Catholic online dating services? It sounds like you may have to find a way to meet someone outside of your immediate proximity.

Prayers for you. You are young and I'm sure you will find the right person.


#14

[quote="CountrySteve, post:6, topic:247800"]
you could always be a nun :)

[/quote]

Nope. A Nuns life is not for me.


#15

[quote="Luvz2travel, post:2, topic:247800"]
Try finding a guy who doesn't expect you to sleep with him.

[/quote]

Yep, this drives me up a wall.


#16

You could try Catholicmatch.com. That's where I found my fiance. You can get pretty much anything on the internet these days. I remember seeing a few people from Ireland on there. (There's lots more girls than guys.) Anyway, it's a neat site and it doesn't cost so much.


#17

That’s what i don’t want to do however, don’t see how i should have to pay someone else to chat to a woman whom i’m interested in. It’s like if i went up to a woman in the club or bar at weekend and just before i got to her someone intervened and said “Oh that will be £10 or euro’s please”. I do understand it may have to be a last resort though. The thing is that none of my mate’s are practicing catholic and hold NONE of the fundamental moral belief’s. The Catholic world-view on subject’s such as the dignity of woman and man, sex, lust etc is so deep and more meaningful than what’s currently adopted by almost everyone. Having a Catholic woman thus this character is so unbelievably attractive and appealing it would be very hard to just accept a more secularized woman simply because she is nice, kind etc.

To be honest that Catholic youth thing seem’s more like an evangelist thing where youth are in a room with their hand’s up in the air to the sound of cheesy music. I just love doing the normal thing’s such as heading out with mate’s etc but know that a Catholic woman is impossible to find and this is due to experience in the whole chatting up flirting thing etc when out. Suppose when it come’s to thing’s like confession which would only have practicing catholic’s attend then that’s all i can hope for currently lol


#18

I understand how you feel. I only suggested because it worked so well for me. I met a whole lot of niece people and got to go on some local outings. They also have forums and it helped me to think alot about what I wanted in a potential spouse from a spiritual aspect. Also, the fact that it cost money helped to keep out the people who were just looking for a hookup. (There's plenty of free sites for that.)


#19

[quote="Paddy1989, post:17, topic:247800"]
That's what i don't want to do however, don't see how i should have to pay someone else to chat to a woman whom i'm interested in. It's like if i went up to a woman in the club or bar at weekend and just before i got to her someone intervened and said "Oh that will be £10 or euro's please". I do understand it may have to be a last resort though. The thing is that none of my mate's are practicing catholic and hold NONE of the fundamental moral belief's. The Catholic world-view on subject's such as the dignity of woman and man, sex, lust etc is so deep and more meaningful than what's currently adopted by almost everyone. Having a Catholic woman thus this character is so unbelievably attractive and appealing it would be very hard to just accept a more secularized woman simply because she is nice, kind etc.

To be honest that Catholic youth thing seem's more like an evangelist thing where youth are in a room with their hand's up in the air to the sound of cheesy music. I just love doing the normal thing's such as heading out with mate's etc but know that a Catholic woman is impossible to find and this is due to experience in the whole chatting up flirting thing etc when out. Suppose when it come's to thing's like confession which would only have practicing catholic's attend then that's all i can hope for currently lol

[/quote]

I never had luck on Catholicmatch.com myself but out of all the sites I'd say you'd find more quality people there then at the others. I'm not sold on the internet dating anymore I find a lot of people on the net aren't serious about looking. I'd hang around church more maybe you would have better luck if you joined or started a group at your parish. Do they have catholic singles groups in Ireland? I was in one for awhile and we did dinners and visited shrines, went ice skating and even had a few really good speakers. The organizer just got burned out and it disbanded after a year but it was fun all the same. :cool: Here in America the Catholic church doesn't really seem to support singles groups all the much everyone I know of had to fight just to put notices of events in the local parish Bulletins even though the groups had the approval of the Archdiocese. :rolleyes:


#20

[quote="Luvz2travel, post:19, topic:247800"]
I never had luck on Catholicmatch.com myself but out of all the sites I'd say you'd find more quality people there then at the others. I'm not sold on the internet dating anymore I find a lot of people on the net aren't serious about looking. I'd hang around church more maybe you would have better luck if you joined or started a group at your parish. Do they have catholic singles groups in Ireland? I was in one for awhile and we did dinners and visited shrines, went ice skating and even had a few really good speakers. The organizer just got burned out and it disbanded after a year but it was fun all the same. :cool: Here in America the Catholic church doesn't really seem to support singles groups all the much everyone I know of had to fight just to put notices of events in the local parish Bulletins even though the groups had the approval of the Archdiocese. :rolleyes:

[/quote]

Naw they don't do nothing for single's here which is a shame, we have a parish facility but it mostly is for like's of play's or a snooker club, private meeting's etc. There is no event's specifically aimed at Catholic's like on theology, philosophy etc never-mind for single's. I really only practice my faith privately however with thing's like confession only practicing catholic's would attend to i could look out more there lol. I would probably be a bit of a loner it i went on those retreat's or whatever anyway as none of my mate's practice their faith. For some it is merely to go out weekend and get drunk, have sex with random woman etc. There was even a time when i was like this but inside i always wanted more and felt a man should be a man and not succumb to losing control over yourself and disrespecting women or yourself as it's weak and not right. I go out cause we still have a good laugh and for a few drink's but i know that i'll not find a Catholic woman, at best all i've talked which is very rare is nice, respectful girl's but most like lad's are either looking fun or just don't know what they want.

The funny thing is though as i said before that most who would go to mass wouldn't be all strong in their faith in that pre marital sex is ok, contraception, homosexuality etc. The church is doing a horrible job at stamping it out and sometime's frustrate's me. It doesn't highlight it at all. Realcatholictv done a good bit on the Church in Ireland last week which i thought was very good. It's just so frustrating as i have never met a Catholic woman who practice's her faith and her character therefore on sex, marriage, birth control, abortion lusting randomly at other's etc is based on Catholic value's. The catholic world-view on all these thing's is so much more deeper and meaningful that no wonder a Catholic woman is so appealing and attractive, it's just getting one and whom we really like and end up love.


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