Impurity


#1

If you have an impurity problem(like masturbation) does this mean you are called to marriage, or to being celibate, or does this not matter for the vocation?
I ask this because of Paul:
1 Corinthians 7
"8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."(random translation from the internet)


#2

[quote="Andre1000, post:1, topic:322023"]
If you have an impurity problem(like masturbation) does this mean you are called to marriage, or to being celibate, or does this not matter for the vocation?

[/quote]

This is not the basis on which to choose a vocation.

[quote="Andre1000, post:1, topic:322023"]
"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

[/quote]

Marriage is a school of love in which impure passions must be eradicated, true. But it is not an easy one (no vocation is easy), nor is this your only option.


#3

Chastity is one of those things that needs to be worked on and integrated into one's life for any state of life.

I think it might have been a Christopher West lecture I was watching that made the point "If you are not chaste before marriage, then why would you be chaste within marriage?". Neither the Sacraments of Marriage nor Holy Orders are magic cures that will suddenly make you perfectly chaste. Grace builds upon nature, as the saying goes.


#4

So impurity is an isolated problem, that has nothing to do with vocation?


#5

[quote="Andre1000, post:4, topic:322023"]
So impurity is an isolated problem, that has nothing to do with vocation?

[/quote]

Impurity can always be overcome with hard work and dedication. Utilizing the Sacrament of Reconciliation and staying away from the near occasions that cause you to downfall (movies, internet, TV, etc) will help you amend your life. Your vocation is not contingent on your previous impurity but you will have to overcome it before you will be considered for religious life or priesthood. St. Padre Pio was often tempted sexually as a Capuchin friar so the temptations don't stop as soon as you enter religious life or are ordained a priest. In fact, they are magnified by the incredible responsibilities you are given.

This blog post has some excellent information given by a Catholic priest on how to take practical steps on ridding yourself of impurity:

courageman1.blogspot.com/2007/07/some-practical-steps-for-overcoming.html

Know, especially, that you are in my prayers on this Divine Mercy Sunday. God bless.


#6

You cannot properly disern a vocation if you are in a state of mortal sin. You have to eradicate it from your live before you can properly discern anything.


#7

[quote="kmo_9000, post:6, topic:322023"]
You cannot properly disern a vocation if you are in a state of mortal sin. You have to eradicate it from your live before you can properly discern anything.

[/quote]

I disagree with this. Certainly anyone who is discerning should constantly seek to be in a state of Grace so that there is no barrier between them and the full love and glory of God, but every priest and seminarian/discerner sins--this is a fact of our human existence. You should not be discouraged from discerning the priesthood simply because you sin, rather, you should confront your sins head on as preparation for what you will need to aid your flock in, should you ever become a priest.


#8

Hi!

I'm trying to leave my masturbation addiction behind me and want to live a chaste life. I'm a virgin and hope to remain that way until i eventually marry when i'm older :) i have a strong sex drive (probably due my age), and i fully intend to stick to nfp when i do get married.

My question is about the immediate future. I have gone for 6 days without "doing the deed" and i hope i can continue with the aim of being eventually released from my sin. I am however errr....constantly aroused and leaking all sorts of sexual secretions. I've also become very sensitive down there and even though i wear loose clothes, i'm afraid of my trousers rubbing and "setting me off" in the middle of a street - as i feel really really charged and conjested down there.

To avoid the embarrassment and worry of spoiling my clothes when i dont have an opportunity to change them....is it morally justified to wear a condom to catch anything and reduce the rubbing?? (especially one which numbs the penis). I know the catholic church is against artificial contraception, but seeing as i cant even get a gf, i can almost guaranteethat i wont have sex. i want to stop my sin, but i dont want to loose my human dignity doing it!!

I've failed in the past before and given in out of worry that something may happen in public, so i thought this MAY be a solution this time.

I would be grateful of your opinions and advice on the morality of this and any suggestions you may have.

Thanks


#9

[quote="Robert789, post:8, topic:322023"]
Hi!

I'm trying to leave my masturbation addiction behind me and want to live a chaste life. I'm a virgin and hope to remain that way until i eventually marry when i'm older :) i have a strong sex drive (probably due my age), and i fully intend to stick to nfp when i do get married.

My question is about the immediate future. I have gone for 6 days without "doing the deed" and i hope i can continue with the aim of being eventually released from my sin. I am however errr....constantly aroused and leaking all sorts of sexual secretions. I've also become very sensitive down there and even though i wear loose clothes, i'm afraid of my trousers rubbing and "setting me off" in the middle of a street - as i feel really really charged and conjested down there.

To avoid the embarrassment and worry of spoiling my clothes when i dont have an opportunity to change them....is it morally justified to wear a condom to catch anything and reduce the rubbing?? (especially one which numbs the penis). I know the catholic church is against artificial contraception, but seeing as i cant even get a gf, i can almost guaranteethat i wont have sex. i want to stop my sin, but i dont want to loose my human dignity doing it!!

I've failed in the past before and given in out of worry that something may happen in public, so i thought this MAY be a solution this time.

I would be grateful of your opinions and advice on the morality of this and any suggestions you may have.

Thanks

[/quote]

I would advise against it. Plus, if my understanding of condoms is correct, it will likely slip off.

Have you tried something like taking cold showers? Supposedly that works for many men. If this is a real problem for you, I would go to a good doctor (preferably a Catholic one) and get tested to make sure there isn't anything in your hormonal system out of whack (ie: testosterone levels, etc. A simple blood test can determine this).

Sorry, I'm not a man, so I don't really understand their unique needs.

However, if you're serious about wanting to remain pure, you could look into joining the Confraternity of Angelic Warfare, AKA, Confraternity of the Cord of St. Thomas Aquinas. angelicwarfareconfraternity.org/


#10

Hi

sorry about my silly comment earlier on. i'm really trying to start living a pure life...but i m completely torn apart by temptation....hence why i come out with stupid suggestions.

But i really value your comments, time and concern. Thank you.

I'll just battle on with it :(


#11

[quote="Robert789, post:10, topic:322023"]
Hi

sorry about my silly comment earlier on. i'm really trying to start living a pure life...but i m completely torn apart by temptation....hence why i come out with stupid suggestions.

But i really value your comments, time and concern. Thank you.

I'll just battle on with it :(

[/quote]

Hey, I didn't think it was a dumb idea ;) But I would agree that a condom isn't a good solution. It would probably only make a bigger mess. If I had your problem I would wear close-fitting underpants with loose-fitting pants. That way, anything that gets on your undertrousers will be less likely to get onto your outer clothing.


#12

Thank you for your comments.

I cant believe i even came out with an idea like that earlier. I think i a tad lost with dealing with family illness, university deadlines, and my body revolting because i'm trying to stop these impure acts that i've allowed myself to become addicted to.

I'd do anything for the loving and caring support of a girl right now - and i suppose getting reigns on the selfish sex drive is a good place to start....even though temptation is MOST difficult.

But thanks for your advice and comments.


#13

[quote="Robert789, post:12, topic:322023"]
Thank you for your comments.

I cant believe i even came out with an idea like that earlier. I think i a tad lost with dealing with family illness, university deadlines, and my body revolting because i'm trying to stop these impure acts that i've allowed myself to become addicted to.

I'd do anything for the loving and caring support of a girl right now - and i suppose getting reigns on the selfish sex drive is a good place to start....even though temptation is MOST difficult.

But thanks for your advice and comments.

[/quote]

It's not a horrible idea but it probably wouldn't work. Plus, we shouldn't be actively promoting the sale of condoms even if you won't be using it for sex. It just leads to an occasion of sin which we should be staying away from.

As someone else said, you might want to see a doctor. A urologist is the best idea since they are trained to deal with the male reproductive system. Just don't let them try to convince you that a vasectomy is a cure for your problem. There are Catholic doctors out there.

For now, a temporary solution for not staining your clothes might be to use a disposable brief. Here, in the USA, they have something called Real Fit Depends which look like plain underwear and don't rustle so no one suspects you have one on. There are also machine washable briefs sold by medical supply stores that have a pad built in which keeps you from leaking. These are some ideas:

drleonards.com/Health-Products/Incontinence-Products/Reusable-Shield/92627.cfm?clickSource=MIN_0400_108900#.UWX_UcqViSo

drleonards.com/Health-Products/Incontinence-Products/Mens-Incontinence-Briefs/53596.cfm?clickSource=XSELL_PR#.UWX_esqViSo


#14

Haha!! Dont worry, i'm nowhere near that bad!

Normally i'm 100%. It's just now that i'm making an attempt to stop my impurity that i'm having slight issues.

I dont think my body has caught up yet that i'm doing my best to stop self pleasuring. So it's still producing sperm like crazy, expecting it to be err....got rid of, within a day or two.

Because i'm trying to be chaste, i think there's a large build up of sperm...and hopefully the Lord will give the congestion pains i feel a release through a wet dream...so i can continue on living purely and abstaining until i find a girl to marry with whom i can share and enjoy my sexuality.

Until then i'm dealing with constant temptation and arousal. It's the constant arousal that's causing me to release the normal pre-sex male fluids that i'm afraid will stain my underwear (i dont want my mum seeing). And i think my body is looking for a way to releave the pressure build up, which is why i'm very sensitive. It's not a medical problem - what man wouldnt produce a lot of fluid and finish without much stimulation if he had been abstaining for a much longer time than usual??

So i dont think it's a medical problem, it's just me looking for a quick fix until my body realises that it wont be getting the same level of sexual usage until i find the woman of my dreams. Hopefully my hormone levels will level off within a few weeks and my body naturally adjusts. I think the sudden stop is a shock to the system.

But i took the previous advice and wear briefs under my pyjamas...so if i have a wet dream, i wont be mortified when my mum comes to wash my clothes and change the sheets....in the same way i was wondering if a condom would be morally justified to keep my clothes clean and save me the embarrassment of stained bed sheets if i thought i was likely to have a wet dream. (dont know how i'm gonna deal with the stained briefs! Haha)

Thank you once again for your kind concern and advice.


#15

[quote="Robert789, post:14, topic:322023"]
Haha!! Dont worry, i'm nowhere near that bad!

Normally i'm 100%. It's just now that i'm making an attempt to stop my impurity that i'm having slight issues.

I dont think my body has caught up yet that i'm doing my best to stop self pleasuring. So it's still producing sperm like crazy, expecting it to be err....got rid of, within a day or two.

Because i'm trying to be chaste, i think there's a large build up of sperm...and hopefully the Lord will give the congestion pains i feel a release through a wet dream...so i can continue on living purely and abstaining until i find a girl to marry with whom i can share and enjoy my sexuality.

Until then i'm dealing with constant temptation and arousal. It's the constant arousal that's causing me to release the normal pre-sex male fluids that i'm afraid will stain my underwear (i dont want my mum seeing). And i think my body is looking for a way to releave the pressure build up, which is why i'm very sensitive. It's not a medical problem - what man wouldnt produce a lot of fluid and finish without much stimulation if he had been abstaining for a much longer time than usual??

So i dont think it's a medical problem, it's just me looking for a quick fix until my body realises that it wont be getting the same level of sexual usage until i find the woman of my dreams. Hopefully my hormone levels will level off within a few weeks and my body naturally adjusts. I think the sudden stop is a shock to the system.

But i took the previous advice and wear briefs under my pyjamas...so if i have a wet dream, i wont be mortified when my mum comes to wash my clothes and change the sheets....in the same way i was wondering if a condom would be morally justified to keep my clothes clean and save me the embarrassment of stained bed sheets if i thought i was likely to have a wet dream. (dont know how i'm gonna deal with the stained briefs! Haha)

Thank you once again for your kind concern and advice.

[/quote]

Actually, having some medical knowledge (I'm not a doctor but I have nursing experience), it is not normal for a young man to experience emissions as often as you are having. There is a disorder called Persistant Genital Arousal Disorder. Both women and men have it. It is caused by sexual and non-sexual stimulation. There is nothing they can do to control it and it is certainly not your fault if you have it. But you cannot use stimulation or masturbation to release it either. In fact, it makes it worse. It doesn't matter if you masturbated before. Your body, if it is functioning normally, should regulate testosterone hormones and sperm production where you are not having leaking. You may have a prolactin deficiency in your pituitary gland that is not normalizing your hormones.

Here is more information on PGAD:

bumc.bu.edu/sexualmedicine/informationsessions/persistent-sexual-arousal-syndrome/

cure-erectile-dysfunction.org/persistent-sexual-arousal-syndrome

Only recently have some doctors discovered that it affects men as well as women. It's important to see a urologist so you don't get depressed or ashamed of this disorder. I know it's difficult to discuss but a doctor would be able to help you and maybe you could get rid of it once and for all. Some doctors prescribe medicine. :)


#16

Wow! Errrm...well it has been up most of the past week...but it's normally dead on. I do think about sex far too much. It's something i discovered because i became physically able quite young (11) while i wasnt mentally ready for a few more years(16-17). As i realised that talking about sex go me attention, it's all i focused on when i was a teenager.

after i went through my first relationship and things didnt work out, i became very depressed...and masturbation became my release from the sadness.

I've never even came close to dating a girl since. And i long for a girl again for the emotional support - and to restore my self confidence. .

While i've been physically able for sex for a decade, curiosity is still eating me up as to what it's like. I see my friends indulging away, but i'm still afraid to trust a girl and i know i'd be overcome with guilt after. However sometimes i wish one "mistake" would settle things.

I'm not 100% convinced i have a physical problem....but theres a mental imbalance ovrr the topic thats bothering me.

Perhaps a physical problem is that my foreskin doesnt retract much upon arousal....so maybe i'm not getting natures release through nocturnal emissions because i'm not recieving any stimulation....and that's whats causing the percieved blockage.

Thank you so much for your concern


#17

Or maybe because i feel that i cant get a girl while i still masturbate is driving me insane with frustration. but i feel i cant get a girl until i am 100% pure again. and because i struggle to control my masturbation, maybe my thinkings are a bit harsh when you considerthat a 21 year old male's sex drive is gonna be sky high. Like theres nobody i know who doesnt either have sex or masturbate. But Jesus says we must not do these things.


#18

Hi, Robert!

I'm praying for you, brother, as always! Anyway, just wanna say that your desire to live a pure life is a great witness and encouragement. Peace.


#19

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