In a mess of blues


#1

There’s a girl I’ve known for 4 years now, but only became close in april this year, we were together for a bit and then got mad and never talked again for like 4 months, and got back together again, which was weird.

I’m 21 and she’s 17, her mum invited me to stay over with them last weekend and I did, she lives a fair distance away and they didn’t want me driving back, I slept with her, but didn’t have sex, and she allowed me to feel her and we kissed and all, I assumed I was on the right track, but later she said she was still not over her ex, who unfortunately died in february and I remember her tell me abotu this at the start of the year, but she never really brought it up much, and she talks about him so much now, and it’s really depressing, he was killed in a rodeo accident, I just couldn’t stand being second in line to the memory of a dead guy, so I suggested we split, and she agreed, it was a friendly split between both of us

I however am still so attached to her and don’t know what to do, I just drank the night away, and only now am I getting back to my right mind, I emailed her like 4 times last night with random gibberish and texts and I probably called her too but can’t remember if she picked up or what the hell I said. I just don’t know what the hell to do anymore, I was driving around drunk and am lucky I didn’t hit something or someone but it was late at night so there was not many cars around.


#2
  1. No drinking and driving, ever. You were lucky you didn’t kill yourself, but first of all it’s a good thing you didn’t e.g. kill a family walking or driving back home, or a group of children playing.

  2. No drinking and calling. Only stupid things are said when you’re too drunk to remember what you say. As a rule of thumb, if you’re just a bit tipsy, you can still call. If you’re feeling an urge to do stupid things, then calling is a stupid idea.

  3. Good decision about splitting up, bad decision about feeling her up, unwise decision about sleeping in the same bed. Leave that stuff for marriage, when you’re free to go the whole way and have normal sex in the end. It won’t leave you hanging and longing for more. I can tell you the advice a priest gave us in highschool when it came to kissing and such like: if it serves to show your feelings, it’s fine. When it’s about your sex drive, it’s not (getting sexual to show feelings isn’t a way out of the dilemma).


#3

Drinking and driving is a very selfish and dangerous thing.

You mentioned being attached to her…attach yourself only to God and you will suddenly find that you are able to give more of yourself to people romantically and in friendship. I have to be honest…your behavior is bit immature and I do not think you are ready to give yourself to a person as a boyfriend yet.


#4

Go to Confession.

Get right with God.

Don’t go messing around with underage girls, or women of any age. Sex is for marriage, period.


#5

The blues is rough. You’ve gotta get them out somehow, but if you don’t find I safe outlet then negative emotions have a way of manifesting in self-destructive behavior. If you need to drink, by all means do it, but call over a friend first, someone who will listen to your tale of woe for as long as you need to tell it, and keep you from doing anything too stupid if you have a glass or two more than you can handle.


#6

Focus on your life right now. She needs time to get over her ex, maybe once she’s over him you can have a relationship again. Maybe by that time you’ll have already met someone else and won’t be interested.

Just work on having things to live for that aren’t that girl.


#7

She’s underage. You abused the mother’s hospitality by what you did.

Drinking and driving is a crime. So is sexual activity with an underage girl.

Figure yourself out before you invite other people into your life.


#8

I am going to talk to you the way I spoke with my brother when he was caught with a girl when he was 18 and she was 16 and they were hs sweethearts… I understand the girl may be mature for her age but lawfully it’s not allowed, you can remain friends and wait a couple of years and then try again…Just don’t get into trouble just because. There are plenty of women around your age to be with, share things, start a relationship whom don’t have to be under age…

You sound like my future bil- he was so happy to brag to the world that he had just had sex with a VIRGIN!!! She was 16 he was 21… He went to his brother, my fiance, and was like “HAHAHA YOU DONT GET ONE!!!” My fiance was like “WOW you are such a big man, bragging about you ruining some poor little girl’s life?! That’s why I choose women not little girls, they know what they are doing and don’t let shmucks like you take advantage of them!” My fiance is a couple of years younger than his brother…But they are happily married and own their own home so it worked out for both of them in the end!

Now back to the other things, you sound like my exhusband whom always drank and drove when things weren’t going well or his way…Trying to have sex before marriage is not right, believe me…Makes things more complicated, doesn’t let you really get to know and love the person in a more spiritual manner rather you know you love the way she makes you feel and enjoy her love making…but what about the spiruality about the relationship and the friendship and respect? Exactly…Make it worth it…get to know your partner better more intimately-not physically- intimately meaning brain wise, feelings wise, and see what kinds of things do you like and she like, how well you get along, establish good friendship and Catholic relationship…Now the drinking and driving and calling thing, I understand you felt it was the only thing to do at the moment of frustration and sadness but that’s not the answer to your problems instead you are making bigger ones…You endager yourself and others and if you get caught you lose your license what’s the point of that? And have a bad record??? You don’t want that…What if you find the perfect woman and you have all these negativities following you how do you explain to her what happened without her making a face and walking away? So whenever you feel down, have a friend over, chill, relax drink up and make sure you keep phones emails computers etc far away from you at all times! Believe me I have made my share of stupid things like that in my life… Not so proud of myself either…

Life goes on, you must give yourself time and give this girl time as well…You need to take care of yourself first instead of trying to get into a relationship with a minor… No matter how mature she is or how mature she looks…And try to hold back on sex…Remember it’s so much pure and loving when it’s between a happily married couple…You know where you feel you belong?! you know…

God bless, hang in there and pray, try to go to confession and go to church…Join some other young bachelor’s like yourself go out and breathe fresh air! Have fun and keep your mind occupied so that you don’t think about this girl…And you can get your life back on track…GOD BLESS! and GOOD LUCK!


#9

I’d also add to this advice, to seek some counseling for how to handle stress appropriately. Drinking and driving is not only the wrong way to handle stress, it’s dangerous and illegal. I’m sure you know this, and not trying to scold you…but, I think you need some help in that regard. ‘‘Drinking the night away,’’ is not a healthy response to breaking up with a girl …I know it happens, but it’s not a healthy response. I’ll pray for you…God bless. (I’m sorry things had to end, but sometimes, that’s for the best in the long run.)


#10

I don’t live in the USA or any other place that makes it a crime if you’re under 18, I’m from Australia, the laws are quite different, it’s not illegal for me to sleep with her due to our small age gap, and she’s 17.

In other words, it’s not a crime, so thanks for that :rolleyes:

I perhaps should have stated this earlier, because it seems everyone’s giving advice on underage sex. Furthermore she isn’t a virgin, and neither am I, so it’s not like I took anything away from her…and we didn’t have sex, like I said.


#11

You did not have intercourse. Sexual activity still equals fornication.

Go to confession - you are Catholic, what you did is a big fat honking sin.


#12

Nah man, I don’t do confession and church going, waste of time. What am I going to say anyways, please forgive me for feeling up a girl? Haha, don’t think so man.

I just wanted to see people’s advice, different sorts here really, I appreciate some of the comments.


#13

I do man, I got the army to look forward to, it’s just hard ignoring the thoughts of her and just being around her, it takes a while. Gee, if someone could invent something for like controlling what emotions you wanted to control that’d be like awesome.


#14

Actually, yes…that is what you’re going to say. If you’re tough enough to join the army, then this should be easy for you, right?

Confess the drunk driving while you’re at it (and clean up your act so the army doesn’t have to do it for you.)


#15

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