I’ve thought about posting about this for a while, but held off. There’s been another ‘incident’ and I think I really need advice on how to address the situation.
I don’t want to go into the entire litany of offenses, but after I started dating her brother, it was like a switch flipped and my now-SIL decided she hated me. They had always had a rocky relationship because she was the baby of the family and their parents really spoiled her and never told her no and there still is a big double-standard to this day. It’s highly possible she suffers from narcissism, but I am not a psychologist and don’t want to make that claim when I’m not qualified to do so. Either way, she has treated us terribly for years and eventually we decided that we are not willing to engage with her anymore until she turns over a new leaf and sincerely apologizes.
So we have had barely any contact with her for a while, which has been fine…EXCEPT my husband’s parents will not accept the situation. They’re constantly trying to guilt trip my husband and me and will not admit that SIL has ever done anything wrong. It’s gotten worse since we had our baby, because they keep trying to push her on us and claim it’s not fair for our child not to see her aunt and have a relationship with her. In my husband’s words, yes, it is unfair that her aunt has made it so we cannot have a relationship with her, but that’s not on us. We firmly believe that if you treat the parents disrespectfully and abusively, you are not entitled to a relationship with the child, blood or no blood.
A few weeks ago, SIL acted up again and profoundly insulted me, but FIL and MIL have done nothing but make excuses for her and act like we’re being unreasonable. I really don’t know what to do. I’m just so exhausted of them getting angry with us when she’s the one who keeps treating us poorly. If she apologized and showed us she had changed, we’d open our arms to her, but we’re not willing to just sit there and take abuse, especially not in front of our daughter. Every time my husband has given her a chance, she’s thrown it back in his face and insulted him. This SIL issue is a big snag in our relationship with my husband’s parents and I’m at a loss. I understand that they love her unconditionally and she’s their daughter and they don’t want to see her as a wrongdoer, and that having their children be estranged is hurtful, but I’m exhausted by this constantly popping up and causing drama and I just wish they’d accept that she is, for now, regrettably not part of our lives.