In- laws

I have a totally obnoxious sister in law. :mad: I have tried to get along with her. She writes and writes asking for my advice then when I give it and I don’t pity her she gets upset and tells me off. When I ask to have my brother write to me instead she deletes my message and admits this to me and answers and says this is his answer""----"
I am ready to cut them both off- she’s written ugly emails to my father- (also my brother’s father of course) and he and my mom no longer have ANYTHING to do with them. They borrow money and this last time they haven’t paid it back. My father is all about integrity and is disappointed. It is eating him alive that my brother does not have the guts to write or call him. I think my brother hides behind his wife.
Anyways I asked if my brother may want to return to the treasures of our beloved Catholic Faith- he is recently out of prison- 2 years ago, and he says people always look down on him. My sister in law won’t even let him see these emails- even though I write PRIVATE on them. Then she actually writes to me and says she is sorry but she had to delete those emails as they would upset my brother.

What is my next step? My gut tells me to leave them alone and pray…

thanks- your newest newcomer from west texas

First of all, WELCOME! Boy can I relate to your post. I’ve had plenty of experience in this arena. Here is my very best advice from an old Nana…Let go and Let God!! You need to lovingly detach from your brother and her.

Back off and leave the sister-in-law alone. I just mean, when she writes you, don’t tell her what you think. Say something like…“I know you’ll figure this out…I’ll be praying for you!” Something simple like that and leave it. Invite them to family functions and such, but don’t get wrapped up in her world. Most of all, you hit it on the head, pray for them. Prayer is powerful. Sometimes you have to just pray for the strength to love them!:smiley: Know what I mean? In twelve step programs they teach you to pray what is called the “resentment prayer” for someone who you have trouble with. You pray for God to bless them and their lives, to prosper them, and heal them. Just pray for them like you would yourself. It isn’t easy, I can attest to that, but it does work. It is hard to pray for someone for a long time and remain angry. You will not ever change them, but you can change how you react to them.

Putting some loving distance between you may give you the peace you’re looking for.

I would agree with Rose. Don’t give your sister-in-law the ammunition!

Other things you can say are, “Gee, what are you going to do about that?” and “What are your plans to take care of this?”

well I see your point but she has turned it all into a game- I can remain unemotional most of the time- I even give the same advice you are giving me when my dad asked for it in the past- when he would still attempt to have a relationship with them. at this point- things are so bad they are actually restricted from my parents’ and my cousins’ homes because of the nasty emails.

My brother just wrote to me and demanded I send all the correspondence from emails “that has upset his wife” and to send it in a timely manner.

What nerve!

Is next Saturday “in a timely manner”? :rolleyes:
I think this is nuts, it only makes me want to pull farther away.

thanks for the prayers and advice.

Dear BabyGirl,

I know that we here don’t know the ins and outs of all that has transpired between your family members…I would suggest you get centered on your life and yourself. Satan loves to tear up families. Don’t give him the satisfaction. What your brother and his wife do are up to them. As a Christian we are called to love our enemies. I’m sure you are very hurt, and probably have good reason. The only person who suffers though if you let them have this much control over your emotions is you. For your spiritual and emotional health you need to find a way to detach from this situation and leave them alone. They may not be allowed over to your parents home, but that is up to your Mom and Dad. Maybe talk to your priest or someone who can help give you some direction. It should be someone who will not feed this anger, but rather help you see where you can change your behavior and get some peace again. I have several siblings who fall into this catagory and it is a challenge to deal with it I know!
Praying for your Peace!

If your brother “demands” anything, do you have to give it to him?

Why doesn’t he have his own email address, now that he’s out of the slammer? Most ISPs allow for at least five to ten subaccounts.

Personally, I wouldn’t send anything. And I would not engage in their game, because it seems as if he’s hiding behind her, but she’s controlling the situaiton and liking it.

You have your own life to lead, and your own situation. Block her email address. That’s right, block it. If you truly feel the need to get in touch with your brother, and if he is not violent, send him a registered letter, return receipt, addressee only. Tell him you love him, but you are not going to get into it with him. When he can behave reasonably, you’ll talk about it. That’s it. No pleas for things to be better, no whines about his wife and her problems. Short, sweet, to the point, those 2 lines, that’s it. Otherwise, as Rose said, detach.

And if he is violent, take any threats seriously, and seek a restraining order or order of protection. Blood relatives harm each other all the time.

Good advice OutinChgoburbs you are very intutitive as to the stituation I face-
no my husband is a good of a loving leader of our home never demands or gives me ultimatums- NEVER! I 'll be durned if my brother can do it to me.
thanks to all for your advice- my brother kept calling today while I was painting asking my husband why I hadn’t returned his call yet- he said - “Your sister is up to her elbows in paint”/ in the background my husband could hear the SIL say “yeah right”- it is all so ridiculous.

within minutes I received a nasty note from my SIL that I was not really a Christian if I won’t even return my brother’s calls.
That hurt but they are so “out there” I try not to let it bother me.
Do Protestants have a habit of judging people whether they are Chrstian or not by some sort of standard that fits their idea of Christianity or what?
btw great website about how on earth can the other Christian denominations (Protestants) feel as if they are anything but amputating themselves from truth…
Catholic Treasure Chest

I wrote my brother a short nonemotional email - 1 sentence/ that I may write in a few weeks when they seem more calm. I can’t get caught up in their games- that is right.

I had all these feelings but I needed validation- thanks so much for listening to me vent

Sister in Christ
mary elizabeth apollonia

chgo burbs
how do I block email address and will she know she is blocked- undeliverable mail note or what?

How you block a email address depends on your ISP and what kind of software you use to get your email. All the ISPs have some sort of blocking, even the ones that have you access your email through an Internet site,such as Yahoo! and Hotmail. Do a search in the “Help” on blocking an email address, and you should get an answer.

In the meantime, you cna always delete her (and him) without reading the email by checking the “delete” box or icon whenever you see them in your email file.

Delete keys are wonderful. Don’t even read the e-mails. —KCT

I already blocked it- on yahoo it is a 2 step deal.

You know the difference between in-laws and out-laws?

Out-laws are WANTED.

The answer to your question is in this riddle:

What’s the difference between in-laws and out-laws?"

Outlaws are wanted

Pain is relative … and most realitives are.

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