Hello! My name is Scott. I am new to the forum, and I am also new to the Catholic faith! I made the decision to convert and come back to God back in April this year (was raised Protestant, ran away from God at 18, 34 now and coming back to God as a Catholic). I’ll be undergoing RCIA this September. I keep very active in my parish even though I am not a confirmed Catholic yet. I regularly attend Sunday Mass, am devoted to the Rosary (say it everyday and love this devotion), and right now I am doing the 33 Days to Morning Glory, Mary consecration (will make my consecration to Mary August 15th, the day of her assumption). I have had such an amazing faith journey already! And I have truly felt the hand of God in my heart and soul.
Now about my problem. I am falling in love with a woman and I don’t want to be in love with her, but my heart just can’t help it. She’s my pastoral associate at my parish! She was a cloistered nun for 12 years, left the Order and now works in my parish as our Pastoral Associate. She’s helped me so much on my faith journey. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for her help. We meet regularly to talk about my faith journey, and I will be doing a Bible Study group for 9 weeks starting August 7th that is being taught by her. The more time I spend with her though, the more I see just what a beautiful soul she is! She’s never been married (don’t know if the vows she took when she was a nun are still in effect), she’s 20 years my senior, though she hardly at all looks her age! She doesn’t look a day older than 40. She dresses very modestly, wears no makeup, and keeps her hair cropped short. All she’s missing is her religious habit and veil XD. Anyway, I don’t care about her simple if not plain appearance, she’s given up her vanity for God, and I think that is beautiful. This woman has probably the most beautiful soul of any woman I have encountered. Her heart is on fire for Christ, and I love that about her so much! She’s also the nicest, most loving and gentle soul I have met too. I don’t care about her physical appearance, I love everything that is inside her heart and soul, not her body. I have developed very tender feelings and affections towards her now. I feel bad, like I should not have these feelings towards her. I know as a nun she espoused herself to Christ, I don’t know if she is still espoused to him now that she is no longer a nun. Regardless, I didn’t expect my heart to begin to fall for her. Throughout my life, and before my conversion I have only been with women who were not good for me. Frankly I had lost hope and didn’t think there were any nice women out there, but being with my pastoral associate has proven me otherwise that there are lovely and beautiful women out there with such gorgeous hearts! But what should I do here? When I’m around her I am always smiling and she has such a positive effect on me! All in all, I know she has chosen do devote her life to the service of God. But, I still see her for the beautiful soul that she is!
What should I do?! Should I even say anything to her? She is very sweet, and in her own words “a very open-minded woman”.