in love with a muslim


#1

hello,
im a female in love with a muslim. Ive been with with him for a year now. we both respect each others religions and love each other dearly. we have both discussed our beliefs and im worried that i will not get the acceptance from my family as they are prejudiced against muslims. how do i tell my parents about him without this destroying the realtionship with my parents. i would appreciate your advice greatly.
god bless


#2

How old are you? Where are you from? (What culture do you live in?)


#3

I know a Catholic who has been married to a Muslim for nearly 30 years - it can work - honesty, truthfulness and selflessness need to be bywords for BOTH of you - but that’s only my take on it.

May God bless you both in you love for one another.


#4

Sounds difficult but not impossible.

Is there any way you can introduce him to slowly to your parents as a friend (one of your group of friends) rather than springing him on them as a boyfriend and/or potential son-in-law? And perhaps let them get to know him a little (and please God like him, which they most likely will if you do) as a person before either of you reveals that he’s Muslim.


#5

My concern rests in that fact that marriage is a completely different beast than dating. What of your children? Will they be raised as Catholics? Will you be able to display items representing your faith in your home? Will you be able to celebrate Christian holidays with your kids? My sister married a Muslim, and to be honest, it required a wholesale abandonment of her Christianity after marriage.


#6

im 25, i live in australia and im portuguese


#7

Are you the same epl I just saw on the Back Fence worrying about her boyfriend being a bad boy??
Just wondering


#8

Fact: He does NOT respect your religion. Not if he is a devout Muslim, anyway.

Either accept that now, or come to terms with it the hard way later on. :frowning:


#9

Hello epl92,

I am glad that you are thinking about your parents and I want to keep your relationship with them. There is another relationship, the biggest one, and you need to ask yourself, and that is - will the relationship be destroying my relationship with God in the future?

If it might destroy your relationship with God, in what way it may happen?

  • your future children: will they be baptized in the Church you believe in? or will your child be so confused what to believe in the future.

  • when difficult time comes, you put your faith in the faith you have, and what about your future husband? how would he understand you?

  • a lot more to think of.


#10

epl92,

I have so much more to say about this, but not the time for it right now. Suffice it to say for the time being, PLEASE do not rush into this or let him try to hurry you into a decision. There are more negative accounts of things like this than you know!


#11

A mixed marriage is always hard, but a mixed marriage to a Muslim is ill advised.

First, if he is practicing his religion, you would be required to convert to Islam-- something you obviously cannot do.

You would need a dispensation from the Bishop to marry a Muslim, and he would have to have adequate assurance that you would be free to practice your Catholic faith and that your children would be raised Catholics.

Islam and Catholicism are incompatible, please rethink this unwise course of action. “Love” is a feeling-- marriage is a lifelong act of the will. Do not go into a marriage thinking “love” will fix everything.

Even if he isn’t practicing now, he may change his mind later-- and that would be big trouble.


#12

Go to your local video rental place and rent the movie Not Without My Daughter. Not every Christian-Muslim marriage winds up like this, but every one has the possibility of doing so. Is this what you want?

DaveBj


#13

I’m truly shocked to come back and see more of the same.

Here’s a relationship about which we have no details, yet most posters here are predicting doom and gloom only because one person in the relationship is Muslim.

epl92,

Do not listen to what people are telling you. You can keep your religion (Yasser Arafat’s wife, for example, is Christian), and the only thing you should wonder about is how good his character is and if you two are compatible.

You should try to understand why your parents feel the way they do. If you think your parents would not like this person for bad reasons like racism (which is a big problem in your home country), then you should think hard about whether or not they will really have your best interests at heart in this situation. If there are other good reasons that they don’t think this man is right for you, then you should tell them so that you’ll be able to hear what they have to say.

If he’s a devout Muslim, he won’t drink or gamble your children’s money away, he’ll be serious about commitment and his duties to his family, and he’ll be serious about teaching religious values to his children.


#14

You said it yourself … if we don’t have details, how you are so surethat it is ok and that she should not listen to others but you? :confused: All your sayings are based on “if”.


#15

What I’m pointing out is that the simple fact of his being Muslim shouldn’t be cause for alarm.


#16

Yes, I agree with you. Also, other replies gives the OP the facts too. When one asked for advices, it is always good to hear from different points of views - that helps him/her decide.


#17

I am not too sure if marrying outside your faith is a wise thing, to do. It depends on how strong your faith is.

I’ve had friends who are Muslims. Based on experience, at least the ones I’ve met, are gentlemen and intelligent and quite charming.

My friend, in particular, is rather sweet because he seemed willing to cross the great continental divide (frequently) just to see me. First time I ever came across a person willing to go to that extent. Its so easy to fall for a man like this as it does make me feel very special. Not to mention, he is good-looking.

He did make an overture, recently, when he was here, but I am really hesitant to go beyond friendship, though my friends say that they think my strong Catholic faith can withstand an interfaith marriage. (to think my parents didn’t want me to marry a good Protestant I had been dating for 6 months–what more someone who is a good man, but isn’t even Christian?) Anyway, we continue to be friends (…and it is possible to be just friends).

The reason for my hesitation is my belief that men after marriage become the head of a family—meaning, the wife will bow to his final say. Unless the Catholic woman or Catholic man has strong faith, there is a tendency to give way.

One example that comes to my head is the marriage of a known TV and movie personality here in my country who wanted to have a Catholic wedding at first (for her wedding to a Muslim from a prominent family from another country)–but for some reason, the Church didn’t allow her. She eventually got married in a Protestant wedding with dignitaries and who’s-who in attendance and pictures of their grand wedding were all over the newspapers and magazines.

She decided to live with his Muslim family in a Muslim country. About a year or two into her marriage, she announced that she converted to the Muslim faith, raising her children as Muslims.

While it is easy to see the prospect of marriage with “rose-colored” glasses when you are in love, eventually reality will set in and difficult decisions on your different religions will have to be resolved. Best that you discuss those tricky issues even **before ** marrying your guy. Some suggested issues:

  1. Will he allow you to practice your own faith?
  2. In what religion will your children be raised?
  3. What does he expect you as a Christian wife should do to respect his faith–and you can tell him how he can respect yours.
  4. What is his stance on polygamy? Does he expect/want to have other wives aside from you?

I cannot dissuade you entirely because I do not judge the goodness of a person on his/her religion. It depends on the openness of the Muslim to allow the Christian spouse to continue practicing his/her faith. Many Muslims are good people, and some Muslim-Christian marriages have worked out, though, for sure, (warning given) it will be more difficult than usual marriages.

Do try to know what our faith is all about and keep on nourishing it— because this is the only way you will be able to stand firm in your faith in an interfaith marriage.

Over and above all—PRAY TO GOD for guidance on what the right thing for you to do. The decision to marry will be one of the most important decisions you will ever have to make in your life: try to include God in your decision-making. You won’t regret it. :slight_smile:


#18

do muslims even date?

I had a roomate my first semester of college that wouldn’t even shake a womens hand because of the laws against touching women your not married to.


#19

I don’t know about your roomate, but I shake hands with the Muslim male and female friends. I guess, because some were my patients (I’m a dentist) before they became my friends–and I’m used to shaking people’s hands and continue to do so outside work.

Before I had a misconception that Muslims are a barbaric…but that changed because most of the Muslims I’ve met are decent, respectful, well educated and intelligent bunch. In fact, some of them are businessmen and women working for big international companies… so, they are not at all backward.

As to dating, I suppose so…people think I am dating my Muslim friend (they say if it feels like a date, looks like a date…its a date!) but then I’m very upfront about friendship being my motive…so I’m not sure if it’ll be considered as a date as I see such things as a prelude to marriage.

However, I do have a Christian friend who is actually dating a Muslim (I met both of them in the office) and even if I am no longer working with the clinic I used to work for, they continue to keep in touch with me and are my friends because they are nice individuals. I know they are still dating. That, I suppose, will answer your question if Muslims even date. :slight_smile:


#20

Mixed marriages are ALWAYS a bad idea, whether the other party is Muslim, atheist, Jewish, or Baptist. My advice is always the same, and is not based specifically on the fact that he is a Muslim.

But, we do know some facts. We know the facts of what the Muslim faith expects when a non-Muslim woman marries a Muslim man.

I have seen information that disagrees with this. From what I can tell Yasser Araft’s wife was a Christian, but converted to Islam to marry him.

This is absolutely false. Faith and religious practice are extremely important in the Catholic faith and a Catholic should do all in their power to marry another practicing Catholic and raise their children Catholic. That is the purpose of marriage. I would not recommend a Catholic marry a Baptist, Lutheran, or Muslim.

The advice you give is dangerous to the soul.

No, if he’s a *devout Muslim *he’ll be serious about raising his children Muslim, not just “teaching religious values” to them. If he’s a devout Muslim he’ll be serious about his wife being Muslim too, and adhering to the 5 Pillars of Islam.


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