In love with a nun


#1

I apologize for the title of this thread...

I am a 22 year old college senior. I was raised in a strong Evangelical Christian home, but since January of 2011 I have been researching the Catholic faith. My inquiries into Catholicism were brought on largely due to my relationship with a fellow student who is Catholic. Since January I have come to a pretty good understanding of Catholic beliefs, largely through the help of the aforementioned friend. However, my stance on Catholicism is a conversation for a different time.

The problem that I face presently is that, through the past 10 months, I have grown to deeply love this Catholic friend (who is currently discerning the religious life). She knows very well how I feel about her. One of the things that I appreciate most about her and the biggest contributing factor to my feelings for her is her love of God. Our relationship, from the very beginning, has been centered in and focused on building one another up in the love of Christ. This is why my bond with her is so deep. However, She feels very strongly that she is being called to the religious life. She has also said that she does not love me in the same way that I love her.

We pray with one another each day for guidance with this and other issues. I have prayed constantly about our relationship and have also fasted a number of times. I beg God each day to not take her away, but I feel that he may be doing just that. I feel lost. I don't know what to do in this situation. I love her deeply from my heart and as such, I want what is best for her. I know that God's will is always best, but her belief of what God's will is for her life differs from what I desire. How can we be sure what God wants for both of us? How can I recover from this if God does wish for her to join the religious life? How do I support her in her seeking God's will when my heart so desperately wishes for her to remain with me?

I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and even more greatly appreciate your prayers. Thank you! God Bless!


#2

You sound a lovely and good person, and appear to be doing your best.
I wish you didn't have this conflicted struggle, but you cannot do much more than you are doing now.
I will pray for you both and I'm sure others will wish to pray for you both also.
May God give you both all the graces that you need.


#3

[quote="nogoodnames, post:1, topic:263540"]
I apologize for the title of this thread...

I am a 22 year old college senior. I was raised in a strong Evangelical Christian home, but since January of 2011 I have been researching the Catholic faith. My inquiries into Catholicism were brought on largely due to my relationship with a fellow student who is Catholic. Since January I have come to a pretty good understanding of Catholic beliefs, largely through the help of the aforementioned friend. However, my stance on Catholicism is a conversation for a different time.

The problem that I face presently is that, through the past 10 months, I have grown to deeply love this Catholic friend (who is currently discerning the religious life). She knows very well how I feel about her. One of the things that I appreciate most about her and the biggest contributing factor to my feelings for her is her love of God. Our relationship, from the very beginning, has been centered in and focused on building one another up in the love of Christ. This is why my bond with her is so deep. However, She feels very strongly that she is being called to the religious life. She has also said that she does not love me in the same way that I love her.

We pray with one another each day for guidance with this and other issues. I have prayed constantly about our relationship and have also fasted a number of times. I beg God each day to not take her away, but I feel that he may be doing just that. I feel lost. I don't know what to do in this situation. I love her deeply from my heart and as such, I want what is best for her. I know that God's will is always best, but her belief of what God's will is for her life differs from what I desire. How can we be sure what God wants for both of us? How can I recover from this if God does wish for her to join the religious life? How do I support her in her seeking God's will when my heart so desperately wishes for her to remain with me?

I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and even more greatly appreciate your prayers. Thank you! God Bless!

[/quote]

The title is misleading. She is not a nun....
I happened to me...and she went to be a nun...
Try hard , as hard as you can. I she is to become a nun, Done be the will of God, if shes if to marry you, done be the will of God..


#4

[quote="nogoodnames, post:1, topic:263540"]
She has also said that she does not love me in the same way that I love her.

[/quote]

I understand from that sentence that she loves you in a spiritual way while you love her in a flesh way.........., maybe you want her to be a wife while she wants to be a nun.........

I totally agree with her, being a nun is much better than anything in this earthy life, maybe you love her now but after marriage many things would change............

Let your relationship with her be a spiritual one, love her in a spiritual way away from any earthy lust, my advice to you, do not push her any more, let her choose the way of GOD, and you would see her later on in Paradise where your spirit will meet her over there with the presence of GOD............


#5

I have to tell you...years ago, I thought I had strong romantic feelings for a man who was very religious.
Much later I realized that what I was feeling was a draw toward the Church. I didn't even really know this man, and had identified him only with the relationship with God he had helped to foster in me.
It felt like I needed him to build this relationship with God- I didn't know the difference at the time. Once I found that I could build this relationship myself, the infatuation disappeared.
Everyone needs to be loved...but only God can love us perfectly.

May God give you the strength to find your path to Him, whether through this woman or elsewhere.


#6

[quote="nogoodnames, post:1, topic:263540"]
I beg God each day to not take her away, but I feel that he may be doing just that.

[/quote]

You are in my prayers...

May I suggest that rather than praying for a specific outcome, you pray as our Saviour taught us? "Thy Will be done"

God bless


#7

Your story reminds me of Delores Hart:

youtube.com/watch?v=BrCT1kD0z-A&list=PLE340929276C69587&index=116&feature=plpp_video


#8

[quote="nogoodnames, post:1, topic:263540"]
I apologize for the title of this thread...

I am a 22 year old college senior. I was raised in a strong Evangelical Christian home, but since January of 2011 I have been researching the Catholic faith. My inquiries into Catholicism were brought on largely due to my relationship with a fellow student who is Catholic. Since January I have come to a pretty good understanding of Catholic beliefs, largely through the help of the aforementioned friend. However, my stance on Catholicism is a conversation for a different time.

The problem that I face presently is that, through the past 10 months, I have grown to deeply love this Catholic friend (who is currently discerning the religious life). She knows very well how I feel about her. One of the things that I appreciate most about her and the biggest contributing factor to my feelings for her is her love of God. Our relationship, from the very beginning, has been centered in and focused on building one another up in the love of Christ. This is why my bond with her is so deep. However, She feels very strongly that she is being called to the religious life. She has also said that she does not love me in the same way that I love her.

We pray with one another each day for guidance with this and other issues. I have prayed constantly about our relationship and have also fasted a number of times. I beg God each day to not take her away, but I feel that he may be doing just that. I feel lost. I don't know what to do in this situation. I love her deeply from my heart and as such, I want what is best for her. I know that God's will is always best, but her belief of what God's will is for her life differs from what I desire. How can we be sure what God wants for both of us? How can I recover from this if God does wish for her to join the religious life? How do I support her in her seeking God's will when my heart so desperately wishes for her to remain with me?

I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and even more greatly appreciate your prayers. Thank you! God Bless!

[/quote]

I think you need to stop thinking of her vocation as the obstacle. The obstacle is in fact that she does not love you in the same way. That is what you need to accept. At the moment is seems like you are only really thinking of her vocation as what is in the way. You need to realise that she simply does not feel the same way. I know it sounds harsh but that is the truth of it.

Stop praying for what you want. That is not what is important. You need to pray for God's will, not your own - for both of you. If God is calling her to religious life then that is what will fulfil her - your desire for her to not take that path is selfish. If you want what is best for her, let her follow her vocation without trying to pull her back. Follow God, not your heart.

I don't mean to sound overly critical, I know this must be very difficult for you. But as someone who is also discerning religious life, I know it is not easy for her either. She needs your support and your love as a friend, not more difficulties. I will keep you both in my prayers.


#9

IMHO, since she does not have the same feelings for you as you do for her, and she is choosing a life that does not include marriage, it’s time to move on. I believe that you are focusing on that which you will not be able to have, and are simply setting yourself up for a great deal of pain and heartache.


#10

[quote="PerfectTiming, post:8, topic:263540"]
I think you need to stop thinking of her vocation as the obstacle. The obstacle is in fact that she does not love you in the same way. That is what you need to accept. At the moment is seems like you are only really thinking of her vocation as what is in the way. You need to realise that she simply does not feel the same way. I know it sounds harsh but that is the truth of it.

Stop praying for what you want. That is not what is important. You need to pray for God's will, not your own - for both of you. If God is calling her to religious life then that is what will fulfil her - your desire for her to not take that path is selfish. If you want what is best for her, let her follow her vocation without trying to pull her back. Follow God, not your heart.

I don't mean to sound overly critical, I know this must be very difficult for you. But as someone who is also discerning religious life, I know it is not easy for her either. She needs your support and your love as a friend, not more difficulties. I will keep you both in my prayers.

[/quote]

Thank you for your comment. I realize that. And I am trying to help her in any way that I can. I know that ultimately, God's will is best for both of us. I will follow Him regardless of where he leads. I understand this mentally, but in my heart it is difficult to follow. I'm not quite sure how I can help her best. We have talked about it and she's really not sure either how I can help her. We will both continue to pray about this, and I appreciate your prayers immensely!


#11

As a man who has been discerning a calling to the priesthood yet who has also fallen in love with a girl (it is even worse because she already has a boyfriend, but I suppose that it is better that way), I certainly feel your pain. Whatever happens, I wish the best for you and this young lady.


#12

Praying for you to be comforted if need be when God's wishes for you both are revealed. You both sound like truly wonderful people and I pray that you find your match soon, the woman God truly intends for you xxx


#13

Hi,

Please do keep in mind that if she is called to religious life, then she will belong to Christ, she will in fact be His bride. If God is calling her to religious life, it would be very wrong to stand in the way of that. I'm sorry if this is very difficult for you but it might be best to see your friend less often, or at least treat her simply as a friend and don't talk about your feelings with her. When young women consider becoming nuns, if they are called, sometimes they are presented with opportunities to have a relationship, and that could be a type of a test... I'm not saying that you are being a temptation to her, but keep in mind that a person's vocation is very precious, it could be lost, and it's easy to lose especially if the person is still discerning. I would maybe give her a little more room so she could be free to make her choice. Again I'm sorry if this is difficult to hear... but try to put God and her potential vocation above these feelings. If she is not called to religious life after all, she would know, and then maybe you could pursue a relationship.. but only then. God bless you :)


#14

1: God's Will always happens! I pray that He will give both you and the one you love the strength to accept His Will
2: Maybe God is trying to help her realize His Will through you
3: Maybe God is trying to help her realize His Will through her.

This is exactly what I have always dreaded! I know that I wouldn't fall in love with another because I feel that Jesus Christ is and ever shall be the Spouse of my soul. But if someone fell in love with me, (not to sound conceited) I don't think I could bear it. To be loved is a good thing, but to see another suffer and know there is nothing you can do about it hurts the most.

I tried to break the news that I'm meant to become a nun to a guy that liked me and he was crying and I felt so bad. Then I tried to mend things between us but he totally denied ever being hurt. For me, I was very lucky because I would prefer that embarrassment to hurting him.
Going back on topic, God will find a way! As long as your friend isn't entering the cloister, I'm sure you will still see her. I know it's not the same, and I'll never understand, but God understands and He alone can help you through this! His ways are not our own! I'll definitely be praying for you and your friend!
God Bless and help you both through this!!!
Mary <3


#15

[quote="nogoodnames, post:1, topic:263540"]
I apologize for the title of this thread...

I am a 22 year old college senior. I was raised in a strong Evangelical Christian home, but since January of 2011 I have been researching the Catholic faith. My inquiries into Catholicism were brought on largely due to my relationship with a fellow student who is Catholic. Since January I have come to a pretty good understanding of Catholic beliefs, largely through the help of the aforementioned friend. However, my stance on Catholicism is a conversation for a different time.

The problem that I face presently is that, through the past 10 months, I have grown to deeply love this Catholic friend (who is currently discerning the religious life). She knows very well how I feel about her. One of the things that I appreciate most about her and the biggest contributing factor to my feelings for her is her love of God. Our relationship, from the very beginning, has been centered in and focused on building one another up in the love of Christ. This is why my bond with her is so deep. However, She feels very strongly that she is being called to the religious life. She has also said that she does not love me in the same way that I love her.

We pray with one another each day for guidance with this and other issues. I have prayed constantly about our relationship and have also fasted a number of times. I beg God each day to not take her away, but I feel that he may be doing just that. I feel lost. I don't know what to do in this situation. I love her deeply from my heart and as such, I want what is best for her. I know that God's will is always best, but her belief of what God's will is for her life differs from what I desire. How can we be sure what God wants for both of us? How can I recover from this if God does wish for her to join the religious life? How do I support her in her seeking God's will when my heart so desperately wishes for her to remain with me?

I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and even more greatly appreciate your prayers. Thank you! God Bless!

[/quote]

In your heart, give her to God. It seems God is asking you to make a sacrifice for Him out of love for Him- and out of love for the woman. If you truly love her, you should want above all for her to be holy. If God truly is calling her to the religious life, that is how she will best grow in holiness. Sometimes, the greatest act of love that you can do for another is to give them up.


#16

I am in almost this exact situation myself right now. She is already in the convent, though has not taken her final vows. I am waiting until she does to move on. One thing that helps me handle it is to remind myself that she picked God over me - and how can one truly have a problem with that?


#17

Leave the Lady alone. There are millions of girls around !!!

I loved an handicapped girl and asked to date her. She said yes and we started dating by letter. She said that she had a doubt whether whe should be a nun or get married and that she did not know God’s will.

I said: “God’s will is what you want!” The, she replied: “I want to be a nun!”. So she stopped dating me. It was the fastest relation in my life: one week and by letter. I the cause of her entering the convent was my advice… I tried to remove her from the decision but no way. So, my advice: forget it, there it someone waiting for you…


#18

[quote="Pfaffenhoffen, post:17, topic:263540"]
Leave the Lady alone. There are millions of girls around !!!

I loved an handicapped girl and asked to date her. She said yes and we started dating by letter. She said that she had a doubt whether whe should be a nun or get married and that she did not know God's will.

I said: "God's will is what you want!" The, she replied: "I want to be a nun!". So she stopped dating me. It was the fastest relation in my life: one week and by letter. I the cause of her entering the convent was my advice... I tried to remove her from the decision but no way. So, my advice: forget it, there it someone waiting for you...

[/quote]

Except that God's will is not always what one wants. I don't want to be waiting like this, but it is God's will. You are supposed to align your desires to God's will, not aline God's will to your desires. Again, God's will is not simply what I want. That is a ludicrous concept.


#19

"Again, God’s will is not simply what I want. That is a ludicrous concept."
You seem to be God or be in his court, very close to the top to know what God wants.
By the way, I did not say what you intended me to say…


#20

You are enveloped in your flesh and you have a worldly love for your friend... she is an evolved soul who feels that Love, real LOVE is the divine one, not the feeling of a man for a woman. The difference is: Love for God means Love for all in an impersonal way. It means to be open to ALL His creatures, it means to give everything and want nothing, it means to wish happiness to all human beings and to wish nothing for ourselves.

Worldly love means wanting to POSSESS somebody (you love her and you would want her to be yours...). Is this pure Love? I think that Pure Love is fed by the happiness of the beloved. In this case if you develop a pure love for her you will be happy of her happiness, even if this means not to have her, happy that she is so far beyond you already... happy that she has found her street and she will be a nun.. Pure Love would not permit you to try to bring her back, DOWN, to your level...

You could pray God to let you grow, to give you the GRACE of a pure Love, Love for Jesus, Love for God, Love that never asks and nothing wishes for himself, Love that is already fed just by giving, LOVE FOR ALL because Christ is in everybody. Do you remember the words of Teresa of Calcutta? You will surely find a woman for you, don't think to this one as a woman, she is not a woman anymore, if she has chosen God she has no gender, she is only a SOUL.


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