In love with a woman who may have a vocation elsewhere . .


#1

Hello friends,
I'm conflicted, I don't know what to do.
I'm friends with a good Catholic woman. In short, she is everything I could ever want in a woman. She's beautiful, kind, devout, smart, and has incredible faith in God. She and I have great chemistry. We talk on and on all the time and we love spending time together.

In short, I've developed strong feelings for her. I don't exactly doubt that she reciprocates them, I can't help but feel that she must feel something for me too.

However, she is very strongly discerning joining a religious order. I realize this is good; if she has a vocation that is wonderful indeed.

I'm just wondering what I should do. Should I tell her how I feel before I miss the chance entirely? Or should I just let her go peacefully, pray for her, and accept the fact that Jesus will take much better care of her than I ever could.

What would you do? I just worry I might spend years of regret if I let her slip away entirely without ever letting her know how I feel. Don't get me wrong, of course I'd be nothing but happy for her if she joins the order. But I wonder if I should put this out on the table before its too late.


#2

You gotta let her pursue her religious vocation.
You say that you don’t doubt she has feelings for you too, but it is SO easy to fall into wishful thinking. I vote that unless she leaves you no room for doubt, then you let her be. So not easy, and not fair. But you don’t want to be the male version of a chalice chipper. :o

I’m sorry, dude, but I also doubt extremely strongly that you will regret this for years. :wink: You’ll find someone. :wink:


#3

I hear you :D I understand. I'll take your advice.


#4

I think you should tell her now. Your actions will be a factor in her discernment. If you do nothing, she might well assume that’s God’s way of telling her to become a nun. If you ask her, she might well assume God is telling her to marry. If she doesn’t like you, nothing will change. One thing you’re very unlikely to see is her asking you out, women generally don’t do that.


#5

I agree with fllying fish. It wont be wrong of you to express how you feel, so long as you are open and honest. If you present it to her just like you presented it to us here and understand that you do not want to intentionally bias her in anyway. When discerning a vocation I have found that the more information you have the more equipped you are to make a decision. Don't forget that you too are discerning where this relationship will go and by giving her more information about where you are at, you will in turn receive more information (a response) from her in which you will then have more information to discern with. Be open, and honest, God bless/


#6

I’d be honest with her. But also respect her decision. I’ve had two close friends get entangled with women who were discerning and it was just bad all the way around. God bless you!


#7

Get the ring and pop the question. She’s not going to lose anything by getting married and not being a nun. She’s just trading one set of graces for another. If she already knows that, then you have done her a favor. It’s okay to have a long engagement if you think it hasn’t been long enough, but I only knew mine for a month when I asked. Just as in vocational life, sometimes you just know.

Go for it!!! :thumbsup:


#8

Don’t be selfish! Especially if she is deciding between you & Jesus!

Back off, let her know you love her & because you love her with selfless Agape love, as Jesus taught us, you will respect whatever decision she makes!

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark


#9

Way back when I was young I was also deciding whether or not to join a religious order. I even selected an order that I felt called to and contacted the admissions director. She actually told me that I needed to date more before deciding (and pay off my student loans). That’s when I met my husband. God obviously had other plans for me. Funny thing, now when I wistfully think I should have been a nun instead I realize it’s because I wish I could get more sleep, not because I think I could have done more for God. Both marriage and religious vocations are beautiful paths to serving God.

I say, let her know how you feel, including the fact that you don’t want to put any pressure on her.

BTW-my mother was actually a postulant at one time. Lucky for me and my siblings, she choose marriage in the end. :smiley:


#10

I’d tell her how you feel and work from there. May be God IS calling you to marry her! You just never know! Just don’t be too upset if she still feels that God wants her to take on a special vocation. Accept her decision. :slight_smile:


#11

Tell her how you feel. But be ready for her to tell you she feels called to spend a life in prayer. Then you will both know how each other feels.
God bless you and her.


#12

[quote="ahollars, post:7, topic:191070"]
Get the ring and pop the question. She's not going to lose anything by getting married and not being a nun. She's just trading one set of graces for another. If she already knows that, then you have done her a favor. It's okay to have a long engagement if you think it hasn't been long enough, but I only knew mine for a month when I asked. Just as in vocational life, sometimes you just know.

Go for it!!! :thumbsup:

[/quote]

I'm sorry but this is not the Catholic teaching.... God has a plan for each person and we should seek His will above all else. If we follow His will, we would receive all the graces He has for us. If we follow our own will, we'll receive less graces.

I suggest to the OP to maybe let her know how you feel, but be very respectful of her decision and discernment process, and definitely pray about all this.. pray for God's will to be done. :)

God bless


#13

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