As a backdrop for my question (which is probably a silly one, but since it bugs me I'll put it out there), one thing that has puzzled me is that I do not identify very well with my gender (female). I have always identified with male characters in books or movies; I wanted to be like the hero, never the heroine. I do not think that I am transgender, but I cross-dressed convincingly as a teenager - not so much because I wanted to be a man, but because I was angry and felt that femininity was alien and wrong. It still feels alien, though I think that I have adjusted to it reasonably well (yet it still makes me smile when someone mistakes me for a man in spite of the fact that I'm not trying to look like one).
As a child, I loved God and sometimes wrote Him letters; but as a teen I feel that my love switched to the Church. In my pursuit of the "Invisible Church", I found the visible one. I have great feelings of love and loyalty to Catholicism (hopefully they will materialize into more than feelings).
I am interested in religious life and would like to try to discern this vocation after I've been Catholic for a while longer. My question is, am I wrong to feel attracted to the Church, more than to Jesus? A nun is supposed to be the Bride of Christ. I think that, even though it may seem sometimes that I do not love Jesus enough, the fact that I do love His Bride and the sacraments is a good sign; but in my desire to be more united with the Church, have I adopted a "male role" that I need to step out of? Am I trying to be like the hero rather than the heroine?