This is mostly for me to vent, and to ask for some prayers. I’ve been married to my husband for 3 and a half years, and we’re hitting some rocky ground. All my life, I’ve been very timid, and I’ve never really been able to stand up for myself. Now I’m starting to see that I haven’t even been standing up to my husband. He’s been the one in control, so to speak, of our family. He goes to work every day while I stay home with the kids. When he gets home, I cook dinner and serve it to him. I wash up the kids and get them seated at the table. Once he’s finished eating, he leaves the table, often times leaving me still eating while also feeding our two toddlers. I clean up dinner and then entertain the children for most of the evening until bedtime. At bedtime, I bathe the kids and get them ready for bed. My husband usually meets me in our son’s room for bedtime prayers. During this entire time, my husband has been either on his computer, watching TV, or playing video games. I don’t even hang up pictures on the walls of our home without asking his approval first, because he says he wants to be there to see how it all looks first. (Now if he were an interior designer, this might be a legit request, but he’s not.) I don’t think it all started this way, and I’m even surprised at how bad this all sounds now that I’ve written it down.
A few months ago, we had a chat about him spending more time taking care of the children when he’s home. He has improved some, but it still seems like he’s only willing to help out when he knows someone else will be watching. For example, we took a week long trip to visit his brother, and my husband was more than willing to change diapers and pour sippy cups. As soon as we had driven out of his brother’s driveway, it was my “turn,” as if I had been doing nothing but relaxing the whole week.
This week he started a new job. He really loves it, but he’s coming home with this shauvenistic attitude, like women are just dumb little fragile things who really don’t know what’s going on in the world. And he’s being even more disrespectful with the way he addresses me. Something finally clicked and I decided enough was enough, so I started standing up for myself little by little. Now my husband complains all the time that I’m nitpicking him for not being perfect. Everytime I ask him not to interrupt me when I’m talking, for example, he brings up something that I don’t do adequetly. When I mentioned that we should have more of an equal share of caring for the kids when he’s home, he completely took over. He was changing every diaper, playing with the kids, and feeding them, all while pushing me out of the way everytime I started doing something with them. I felt like he was just saying, “see? I can do my job and your job too.” I’m trying my best just to ask him to show me the respect I deserve as a wife, and it’s so difficult. I really don’t want to pick on him, but I do want to feel respected and loved.
Every time I bring up something that he does that makes me feel bad, he somehow finds a way to turn it on me and tell me that it’s something I’m doing wrong that is causing him to act out. And at the time, I actually can’t think of any reasons why it’s not my fault. When I think about things later, I can think straighter, and I know it’s not all my fault, but I can’t find a way to explain it. I feel bad that I’ve never stood up for myself until now, and I feel like it’s partially my fault for not standing up earlier and letting it get to this point. And I feel like I don’t want to just pick on my husband all the time. I want to be able to improve myself so I can stand up for myself, but I don’t want to turn into someone who is just overly critical of others.
Thanks for listening to me vent, and please pray for me and my husband to be able to work through this.