Inappropriate?


#1

I’m looking for the input of parents on this forum (or I suppose really, much of anybody).

As children, we look to our parents and other trusted adults to guide us in what is morally appropriate and what is not. Let me start by saying that I am 18 now, so technically an adult. Still, I believe we continue to look to elders to help us with moral issues.

Well, my parents aren’t exactly the best role-models to look at in this sense. They don’t mind sex before marriage, drug usage, etc, etc. So, when it comes to these types of things (that I’ll mention in a second), I tend to look at what a lot of my friends’ parents think. They are usually more restrictive, but for good reasons. I look especially to my best friends’ parents as they are a good, practicing Catholic family.

At any rate, here’s the situation:

My best friend and I (both girls) spent the night at her boyfriend’s house for a campfire/campout. There were three other boys there (including her boyfriend). His parents were there, but inside the entire time. We all slept in the same area.

Would this be considered inappropriate? We are all really good friends and nothing ‘happened’, and we all knew going in that nothing was going to ‘happen’. But at the same time, I keep thinking that this may be playing into putting yourself into the near occasion of sin- a situation where sin could feasebly happen.

No parents had a problem with this, so I decided not to worry about it at the time. Now I’m just curious as to what everyone else’s thoughts are. Do you think spending the night was inappropriate?


#2

As long as you guys were modest, I don’t think there should be a problem:) In my youth group, if we’re traveling and stay the night at a school, girls and guys sleep in the same room, girls on one side, guys on the other.


#3

If you were all in the same place, and you’re all good friends, and modesty was maintained, I don’t see a problem with it. If you’re still worried about it, you could talk to your friend, and ask her if she or her boyfriend experienced any temptation. If either of them did, then perhaps you could try to avoid this sort of thing from now on. Temptation and occasions of sin can differ from couple to couple and person to person. As long as something doesn’t cause undue scandal or cause someone temptation, it’s probably fine. :thumbsup:


#4

If this is a Catholic youth group, your youth minister should abide by the regulations of the Diocese. In my experience as a Virtus trained youth volunteer, the situation you discribe is against our Diocesian regulations.

Mixed sex groups of teens sleeping over is a temptation, and it is a bad idea.

To the OP, your conceince is telling you something. My best advice, ask your Prest.


#5

There were two girls and four boys and the parents were inside while all of you were outside. What exactly do you mean by “in the same area?” Same tent; no tents, what?

Sorry to tell you but given what I’ve seen over the years - including friends being molested by their best friend’s brother who they knew for years or simply mutual giving in to temptation - I don’t think it’s an appropriate situation. His parents probably wanted to treat you all like adults but still I think it has the potential to be under the category of a near occasion of sin.

I’ve never understood the boy/girl sleepover thing, even at some schools. Once you reach a certain age, and especially from 15 and up, I don’t think it’s a good idea but then I’m probably showing my age. :shrug:

If you are wondering about it, your conscience is telling you there was something not quite right about it for you and you already know the answer. You could always mention to your confessor/spiritual advisor and see what he has to say.


#6

well all I can tell you is what we did when either of our daughters proposed such puportedly innocent events, also with at least tacit approval of other parents involved. We said no loud and clear and spoke to the hosting parents in no uncertain terms about our decision. I will not make any comment about specific parents, including yours, but I may speculate in a general way on the mental stability and wisdom of parents who buy this kind of story.

Nowdays 18 yr olds are considered adults, but the legal status does not grant them automatic maturity and freedom from natural impulses and instincts. Nonetheless it always struck me as rather cynical when I would hear other parents say things like: I’d rather they party here at home and do their drinking so they are not driving around drunk, or, even worse, we’ll go in together to rent them a hotel suite for prom night so we know where they are. It smacks of dereliction of parental duties on a scale that approaches neglect, and puts all the burden of controlling those natural urges and making “wise choices” on the teen, without giving them any solid foundation for making those "wise choices.


#7

We slept on a tarp under the stars, pretty much all in a cluster.

Sorry to tell you but given what I’ve seen over the years - including friends being molested by their best friend’s brother who they knew for years or simply mutual giving in to temptation - I don’t think it’s an appropriate situation. His parents probably wanted to treat you all like adults but still I think it has the potential to be under the category of a near occasion of sin.

If you are wondering about it, your conscience is telling you there was something not quite right about it for you and you already know the answer. You could always mention to your confessor/spiritual advisor and see what he has to say.

Thanks for the input.


#8

**hmm, with mean looking adults down the middle? Right?:wink: **


Seriously, no.


For what it’s worth, age is a non issue, imho. I didn’t let me father stay here with his girlfriend either.


Regardless of whether anything happens or is tempted to happen, it’s at least possible cause for scandal and not appropriate, imho.


If your conscience is bothering you, then listen to it.


#9

I’d vote for “not appropriate.” I can see where you were coming from and why you felt ok doing it. But having been a “trustworthy teenager” and currently being a Catholic adult who would never cheat on her husband etc., I know that even in well meaning groups of good kids, things sometimes happen that shouldn’t. Especially in the middle of the night. Especially when parents aren’t supervising (which, if they were inside and you were outside, they weren’t). I also think that even if I knew that “nothing would happen,” sleeping in co-ed arrangements could either become tempting, or set up a feeling of closeness between the opposite sexes that could lead to temptation later. I’d avoid a situation like that at any age, and I also wouldn’t allow my children to participate in a coed sleepover. May I say, though, that I’d also be really impressed if my child came to me and honestly asked for my opinion, really wanting to hear the answer (like you’re doing). You sound like a mature young woman. God bless you!


#10

We’ve chosen not to do co-ed sleep overs - in our home or at church lock ins. The kids get picked up at midnight.

Families are fee to make their own choices. —KCT


#11

I think what would make that situation inappropriate is if you hid the information from the parents or had alcohol.


#12

This is totally inappropriate.

Most girls do not have problems with hormones the way boys do. At this age their hormones are going full steam. Putting them in the situation of being near or even touching a girl/woman is putting them “in the near occasion of sin”.

You are young, I was once and didn’t understand boys/men. I did not know how just a simple touch from a female can send a males hormones into a rampage. Even the smell of a female can do the same thing. (And no, he doesn’t even need to be that physically or amorously attracted to her for this to happen. Have you seen some of the women on the streets who sell themselves? They keep pretty busy no matter what their size, looks or lack of familiarity with their “Johns”.)

So if you care for these boys, then help them out by not causing them undue temptations. Even ones you don’t intend can still cause them to sin. So although they may not be your “near occasion to sin”, you might be theirs without even knowing it. (And they won’t know it until it happens, but then it is too late.)

I will pray for you to discern God’s will, not your own.:gopray:


#13

I believe that this is probably a different issue in the states that in the UK -at 18 in the UK you are an adult - you can drink vote drive get married etc etc - most university residences are co-ed and the Catholic Group I was involved with on campus had all its events co-ed and we were a very big group who also did a lot of good.

If nothing happened between your group and you just had a good time that is not sinning men and women are meant to live (on the earth) together and we should not hide from each other or arrange our social lifes so that we have barely any contact with each other - men are not as weak as some people make them out to be - some men remain virgins until marriage and never masturbate, look at porn or indulge in other sexual vices - some men will but this does not mean that by staying in the same vicinity you and he will have sex - it takes two and if you want to remain chaste you will do so. I have just never bought into the ‘weakness of man’ in this area - sure some men are perverts but by the same string some women act like w***es and as individuals we owe a duty to god and it is our on selves who choose whether to sin - if you are so easily led stay away from all boys, stay away from university, stay away from pubs clubs etc etc but if you are able to control yourself as most people do accept that you may see things you do not think are right (just as when I turn on tv and see the debauchery of Big Brother) but that you can walk on by and not involve yourself.

God gave YOU a conscience and he gave you life it is up to you what you do with it should you choose to live a life of sin ultimatley no person on this earth could stop you because you are passed the age of reason and you live your own life.

Just my 2cents:)


#14

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