My dad and I never had a relationship growing up, so I just never formed an attachment to him. He was and still is an angry man who emotionally and verbally abuses me. When he’s being “pleasant,” he is being critical and judgmental about someone else, especially when he’s fired up about politics. I have a really sensitive nature and just can’t be around that. Two years ago when I was doing family studies, I felt really guilty about not having a relationship with him so I talked to my mom about how I felt neglected growing up and wanted to fix that. She called me ungrateful, said things were fine, and that was basically the end of it. At this point, I mourned the loss of both my parents. I knew from now on, I could never count on them or have a strong trusting relationship with them the way my sister does. Now the loss of relationship doesn’t really bother me. I text my mom about three times a week. But, my dad will text me about once or twice a year and it’ll be awkward because he texts in that style where the other person gave you no way to reply and continue conversation.
I had a really exciting event today and was texting my mom about it all day while it was occurring, but then my dad texted me asking how it was and I was surprised by how much I seriously didn’t want to answer him. I mean, I did but it was about a 6 text conversation. It just made me really angry because it makes me feel guilty that he’s ‘trying’ and I don’t care. He’ll be miserable and such and make no effort, then complain that I don’t text him. I am grateful because he gave me a good life (materially) and life in general. I pray for him to change and am working at forgiving him, but I really don’t want a relationship with him. Am I horrible person? Should I be making more of an effort?