My husband and I have been married for 7 years, and have been open to life that entire time. We have one child in heaven, who we lost in miscarriage. We have one former foster child here on earth with whom our hearts still belong and who we do see regularly as friends (she is 3 1/2.) We have done everything the Church permits and have stayed loyal to the Church’s teaching throughout. We are big champions of NaproTechnology though we were not able to conceive.
About two years ago we agreed that we had spent enough time and effort, and money and surgery and everything else on infertility and adoption processes. We are now again in the foster/adoption process again and hoping to adopt. (That too has not been an easy road for us)
Lately, the pain of childlessness just seems worse again. It is so hard to look at pregnant women and to know that I will never feel my child kick inside my womb. Last night a cousin called to announce her pregnancy and I now have 3 cousins expecting children this summer. Our former foster baby’s mom is also pregnant and although i believe she will be making an adoption plan she doesn’t want to choose us as parents because she thinks it will be too difficult to see the child on an ongoing basis. As excited as I am for them, I just weep for my own suffering and loss. I will be spending time with friends this weekend and all of them have 3+ children, mostly conceived the first or second month they tried.
I find myself sometimes wondering if I would have been better off to take my chances with illicit means of conception like in vitro to make this pain go away. I won’t do that. It is just hard to think that the one child I do have is in heaven, and the one child I thought I would have is destined to live a life I would not have chosen for her.
I’m rambling and not asking any questions. I just have always posted here when I have problems or questions. So i guess if nothing else, please keep me in your prayers that I will again find peace in God’s plan for me.