I feel that infertility puts a disagreement and strain on our marriage. We each think about it differently and instead of uniting aspect in the co-misery it separates us (I want to act but my husband wants to wait). We have been married for 6 years and at the age of 32 I was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve and my husband might have some fertility problems too (he will have to do more tests). We already have other challenges in marriage- we married as Catholics and my husband turned away. He was diagnosed "nearly" bipolar and is taking medication. He is a "crazy" artist type and can be very impulsive and to me sometimes seems imature and not entirely commited (however he has a very good job- he teaches Italian at hight school).
We are not preventing having children but they are just not coming. My doctor obviously suggested IVF which none of us wants to do. My huband would like to adopt in the future but just not yet.
Our diagnoses is quite reccent so we should really go for a second opinion however my husband is not really keen on this and is pushing it to the future. Diminished ovarian reserve means that there are very few eggs in the ovaries left and that we don't have much time.
I am just confused- what is God's plan here? Should we try to get treatement as soon as possible or just wait or adopt???? I would like to have children so much and this uncertainty is just killing me and God seems to be quiet-I don;t hear his voice. The worst is that I want to do someting and my husband wants to wait. I feel like burying all my chances- by another 2 years I might be in menopause.
What to do? I don;t even dare to pray for a children because maybbe this is not Gods plan for us. This uncertainly about family life makes me anxious. When I get too tired of this challenging relationship I feel that it would be easiest to separate and find a more commited catholic/christian (2 catholic counsellors told me that I could for sure get annulment since I did not know that my husband was bipolar when we married).
This post has too many issued in it because I am jsut confused and anxious and I would like to be more connected with the Lord but I just don;t feel anything.