We adopted our first son after a couple years of infertility. Even though we had always talked about adopting kids, it had all been very theoretical, and we had planned on adopting after having some bio kids. My big sister is adopted, so I always knew that genetic connections didn’t matter. DH was more attached to the idea of a bio kid (specificallly a son) that looked like him. When it became obvious that we would need to adopt if we wanted to be parents, DH realized that he was very afraid of not being able to love a child that didn’t share his DNA.
I practically dragged him to the orientation meeting at an adoption agency. He reluctantly agreed to start attending the training classes. We met lots of people who talked about loving their adopted kids (not to mention my own parents!), but that didn’t convince him. (Meanwhile I’m begging God to change his heart, as I desperately wanted to be a mom.) An experience with his first nephew changed his mind. When his nephew was about 2 weeks old, DH was holding him, and he was totally overcome with love for the little guy. He realized that if he could love this little kid who was just barely related to him, and who was not his to raise, he could probably love a child given to him to raise.
When we adopted our son, of course it proved true. When our second son was born to us, there was no longer any doubt that biology didn’t matter a bit.
Now, after a miscarriage in January, infertility seems to be our lot again. We’ve moved since our first adoption, so we have to find a new adoption agency and start the process all over again. Homestudy, classes, intrusive questions - what a huge pain in the rear. But the result - a new child of our own - will be worth every bit of it.