Thank you for the supportive words AnaMChara. It is extremely comforting. I appreciate the intentions while you say the Rosary and during Mass…I will do as you suggested. Thank you.
You are welcome Ney, keep us updated
I will include you also in my rosary. I have been in a similar situation with my H and almost 3 years later we are better than we have been in the last 20 years. It takes a while to work through this. It’s not overnight. It is definitely DEVISTATING, and please hang on to the Blessed Mother. She was (and is) my lifesaver.
If you can do Retrouvaille, I would definitely go. It is a blessing that your H wants to save his marriage and is remorseful for his betrayal of you. If you can’t do that, seek out Catholic Counseling, you will need some kind of professional help. Your life has been literally turned upside down.
I want to start by letting you know that I will keep you, your husband and your small children in my prayers.
The first thing you should do (if you are Catholic) is contact your parish priest. He will be able to give you wonderful guidance in this situation. You need to ask your husband if he would like for you to talk to your priest as a couple or individually.
Also, PRAY. It is only natural to have these nagging feelings and wanting to know every detail. Offer these feelings up to God.
I’ve also heard of a group called Family Focus that some parishes offer. From what I understand, it’s a group that helps the family re-build during difficult situations so the children won’t pay a price.
I appreciate the intentions during your Rosary. i need all the prayers right now. Please remember me…thank you.
An it is extremely comforting the hear of positive outcomes. I take a lot of comfort in that.
My husband did agree to Retrovaille…He seems ready for it. I am looking forward to it.
Thank you again.
I did go speak to our Parish Priest yesterday. My husband said he will consider going to do the same. he is ashamed and I think would rather do it anonymously. It’s not neccessary, a little weak, but I’m in support of any good guidance for him right now.
that’s great advice about the nagging feelings i have. I will do that, with all my strength.
Thank you for the prayers. I feel broken, please continue to remember my husband and I in prayer.
My husband has been slowly working out what happened here. He was more dperessed during this time than I realized. He told me during the time of the affair, on more than one occasion, that he was depressed and I didn’t respond. We had another baby, which takes a lot fo energy, and financially he was feeling like he couldn’t get ahead. The demands of the wife and kids at home were catching up with him. My first thought is, well, that’s the committment you made! But I am trying to understand from his point of view. He will be 40 in a few months. Along came a 23 year old girl, no morals, no obligations, She had a boyfriend but still flirted with my husband openly at work, no regard for the fact that he had a pregnant wife at home and children, free as a bird, no cares, etc. He went for it and it was a numbing release from his life at the moment. He wasn’t sure early on if he had feelings for this girl, and now realizes that he did not. He says it was a meaningless escape and that she couldn’t have cared for him either----becuase she made it clear that she would not leave her boyfriend for him, yet she did not want to see him happy with his family again. He put a nice photo of us up at work around the end of their “relationship” and it made her mad. She broke it off a short time later, but that wasn’t enough, she showed up at our door with her boyfriend to make sure I knew about it—anothers words, make sure our family was damaged. No regard for the fact that we had children in the house. She then came to visit him at work after this, to find out what happened, I think hoping we were on our way to divorce. When he told her he was “moving to higher ground” and woking on rebuilding his family, she was visibly upset and said “I thought you loved me”. He realizes if she cared about him, she would have been happy to hear he could move forward. She was just out for self-affirmation that she is desirable and he realizes that now.
My husband says he wants to learn from this, will not allow this to happen again, and has committed to going to Retrovaille, and will consider counseling. He is also considering talking with our Pastor, as I already have talked to him last week. He says he will go to confession as well, although he is not completely committed to the Catholic church at this time. He said he will try to be at the least open to it, but has yet to start going to church with us again. He said he has to think about that.
I appreciate the prayers…progress has been made and all of your prayers have been VERY powerful my friends! Please continue to pray for the conversion of my husband and the rebuilding of our marriage and family, for the sake of our beautiful children who I want to raise well and to be good people in the world, and strong Catholics.
I am happy to hear that you guys are sorting things out.
I hope that your husband has learnt from his mistakes. And that he almost lost his family. Remember something it takes two to tango. You cannot blame the girl alone your husband is just as much responsible as that girl is. He is the adult and should have been responsible enough not to have let this happen. But that is over and done with and the past and that is where it should stay. He is sorry for what he did but he must not tell you anymore details about their affair than you already know.
It take time to heal. But at least your husband is sorry for what he did and is making amends. That is the most important thing just move forward. And take it one day at a time. It is a healing process and with time things will get better.
Take care and God Bless.
Oh and I am fully aware that this was not the doing of the girl, but of both of them. I have so much anger in me towards my husband as to how he possibly could invite another person into our lives as he has done. As much as he was
depressed, there were other ways of coping and he was a fool.
for someone to say these things and truly want to recommit to the marriage is a big things… RESPECT him for that…
it takes a very strong man and a very committed one to be able to do this… I hope you appreciate that!!!
the Holy Spirit is working in him and if you show kindness and support for his feelings too, your marriage is well on its way to recovery… God bless you my dear for staying strong!!!
Thanks for the remonder…I am trying to be respectful of that. It is very difficult under these circumstances. God help me. I appreciate your reminder.