Info on pornography addiction needed


#1

I need a male perspective on pornography and lust in general. I just learned that my boyfriend may be addicted and has been lying to me for 4 yrs. I have decided to try and stick it out and help him if I can. I had aleady convinced him to go back to the Catholic faith. The problem started when he was 4 because his parents used it and told him it was ok. There is also some sexual abuse. This is so out of my league. I really cannot conceive of it. Why? How? I’d like some advice on how to help him and how to get over the anger, hurt, and distrust I have. There is a lot more to this too. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Eireann_77


#2

Do a google search on Steve Wood. He has special apostolate to those addicted to pornography. I think it might be called Family Life International not sure about that. There are many resources for you and you boyfriend there. My prayers are with you.


#3

I am so sorry to hear that you have run into this problem with your boyfriend. My thoughts and prayers go out to both of you. This will be a very long and arduous struggle for him, but with God’s help the addiction can be overcome.

Please take a look at the web site pureintimacy.org/. It’s not necessarily a Catholic site, but it has lots of good practical information. Also, the book Pure Love by Jason Evert may be of help to you and him.

Be aware that pornography is an addiction–there will be times when he falls back into the stuff, even if he may not want to. Just keep praying for him and be supportive of him as a person no matter what. Use prayers of exorcism, such as the prayer to St. Michael, to ask God to rebuke any demons that may be harassing him in this regard. Get him a chaplet of purity for him to pray every day.

This is a spiritual battle. In times when it seems overwhelming to you or him, just pray and leave it in God’s hands. I wish the very best for you both.


#4

Pray for him, especially the Rosary, and invoke St. Maria Goretti

She will surely pray t othe Lord with Our Lady and St. Joseph to help you to forgive and both of you to be chaste. There is help from here The Serenellians Apostolate


#5

[quote=Eireann_77]I need a male perspective on pornography and lust in general. I just learned that my boyfriend may be addicted and has been lying to me for 4 yrs. I have decided to try and stick it out and help him if I can. I had aleady convinced him to go back to the Catholic faith. The problem started when he was 4 because his parents used it and told him it was ok. There is also some sexual abuse. This is so out of my league. I really cannot conceive of it. Why? How? I’d like some advice on how to help him and how to get over the anger, hurt, and distrust I have. There is a lot more to this too. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Eireann_77
[/quote]

Eireann,
I am concerned for you… I am concerned because of the pornography addition, but even more so, I am concerned about the combination of pornography and lying. I applaud you for being willing to stick by his side, however, I hope you will prayerfully consider only remaining in the relationship if you both attend Sexual Addiction counseling TOGETHER. If your partner is not willing to do this, please, for your own good, leave. If he is willing to do this, find a good Christian counselor and be ready for a long recovery.

Brandon


#6

I am part of a Catholic group that has several members, including me, that deal with addiction to pornography. Pornography is an addiction like any other.

It is one of the harder addictions to get rid of because it deals with one of the most power emotions given to us by God, our sexuality. It is a misuse of that gift.

If he realizes he has a problem and wants to get rid of it, I highly suggest him attending a SA meeting (sexaholics anonymous). It is similar to Alcoholics Anonymous and has a 12 step program to get rid of the addiction.

As far as you. I am married and I can at least relate from my perspective, that when I have fallen and viewed porn it has nothing to do with my wife. I can be fully pleased both sexually and otherwise and still feel the need to view it. It is an addiction like any other and if he has had it since he was 4 it will be very hard to give up. Anyone that has been addicted to masturbation and has tried to give it up can tell you that it isn’t easy. If you have any specific questions feel free to ask via email since some advice isn’t really appropriate for a 13 and over forum.

My wife knows (and has known since before we were married) I have a problem with this has helped in my struggle to overcome the addiction.


#7

Eireann,

Check out www.dads.com (St. Joseph’ Covenant Keepers) for lots of resources on fighting pornography addiction. There is even software that can be installed onto his computer that will track all the websites he visits and send a list of questionable ones to a friend to help keep him accountable. It’s called x3watch. There are also articles on there for wives of those struggling with addiction. While you are not his wife, the insight maybe helpful to you. God bless you and your boyfriend and I will say a special prayer for you both today.

Krista


#8

I totally agree with the Steve Wood recommendation. You can find info about this addiction at dads.org. Steve has a real passion for helping men out of this situation. He has many resources that are sure to be helpful if your boyfriend wants the help.

God Bless!!


#9

In our society today this could be the most prevelant addiction. Pornogrophy is every where we turn around. For men its like everytime we go out into the world someone is shooting bullets at us. I am not trying to diminish his responsibility, though.

As long as he realizes that its a problem and its wrong, work with him on it. You are going to have a hard time finding a man who hasn’t struggled with that sin at one time or another.
There are better Catholics than you and I who have publicly shared that they have struggled with that sin even while leading ministries.

If on the other hand, he doesn’t see a problem with it, then dump him. You cant repent of a sin until you acknowledge it is a sin.


#10

I really appreciate everyone’s advice. I’ve checked out the web sites and am definitely praying. He does think it is a problem but told me and his priest that he’s been “clean” for a year. It just happened that I found out later I guess. The priest is keeping me in the loop on all of this because our relationship is long distance right now. He is even taping all their conversations so I know what he is telling me is the same as what he’s telling the priest. Anymore adaice would be great.

Thanks and God bless

Eireann


#11

At the risk of getting pummled for ‘not taking this seriously’, I sometimes wonder what women consider ‘addiction to porn’.

I’ve run into a few women who consider any man who glances over the magazine covers at a grocery store checkout stand to be ‘addicted’.

True addiction in this regard is a serious problem - though I don’t put it in quite the same classification as drug addiction - more like a combination of poor moral and character formation and ready availability.

I would qualify it this way: if the person is persuing gratification from the constant viewing of pornography, then it’s to some degree a (self-prepetuated) compulsion (whatever term you use). And I agree that there is some degree of physiological component.

In this discussion the presumption has been the worst interpretation - that may or may not be the case, but terms have not been defined.

A simple-minded example:

WIFE: My husband beats me all the time.
FRIEND: Then leave him NOW.
WIFE: OK. But seems an extreme reaction to the fact that he’s a better checker player than I am.

Clint


#12

Hello,
I just saw this thread and wanted to drop a post. I was reluctant at first because I didn’t want to be associated with posting to this post, but on recent thought it is clear that the church is my family, my comrads and my fellow warriors. So, in that light, I would like to share that I have a situation that is semi like the one you are talking of. I’m not quite addicted as you might say, but I do have a healthy impure lust as well as perversion of the mind that started when I was young. I don’t remember all of what happened that much, but I do remember that I was allowed to view pornography before I turned 5 as well as a lot of other things that damages a person. It is a sad thing when you read about someone else who may have experienced a similar thing. But the only thing I can say that might help you is to remember that the addiction that your boyfriend suffers from is not who he is. It’s only a part of him, the worst part, not the whole bit. I believe that people who struggle with any kind of sexual addiction are meant to live a strong life and be whitnesses to God’s awesome-ness. A person reborn from an addiction, especially a sexual one is like a dazzling fire light in the mist of confusion and embivilence. Their struggle makes them strong, makes them holy and can purify their heart…lol Sorry to ramble, you probably already know all of this, but I just felt like posting anyway. But there’s a Hail Mary on my lips that has your’s and your boyfriend’s cause on it. Good Luck.

warrior rose~


#13

I’m very surprised that nobody has mentioned Christopher West yet or our Holy Father’s “Theology of the Body.” He came and gave a talk at Gonzaga explaining the Wednesday Audiences our Holy Father gave about human sexuality/humanity in general a few years ago and it blew me away. I won’t go into any detail here, but I’ll give you the website. After his lecture, I purchased “Winning the Battle for Sexual Purity” and the companion book “Theology of the Body Explained” which examines the speeches of our Holy Father in great detail. This is all very Catholic stuff, as it’s straight from the mouth of His Holiness!!! Take a listen to these and explore the rest of the site to find out more. After Christopher West’s lecture, a lot of study and a lot of prayer, I was finally able to lean back and scream “FREEEEEEDOM” a la William Wallace in Braveheart (seriously, it’s how your boyfriend is gonna feel when this is over, too)

theologyofthebody.com/hearnow.htm


#14

I became addicted to porn when I was first exposed to it as a teen. I kept free from it for years simply by staying away from it. Problematicly on rare occasions I would see it and fail. Because my heart was impure everytime I saw those images It brought up what was in my heart. I did not think i would ever be able to see scantically clad or naked women rightly. I didnt even imagine it to be possible for me. 2 years ago I came into the catholic church. I disocvered Chistopher Wests tapes on the “Theolgy of the Body” by JP2. As a life long christian inpursuit of sexual purity, I fianlly found the answer. As a daily communicant, I begged God everyday through the prayers of The blessed virgin, my patron st.Paul, St. Terese, & the st. of the day to plead my case for healing based on my new understanding of what sexuality was all about throgh the teachings of the holy father. I am so pleased to say today I have been healed of that dread disease. When I see porn today it does not touch that impurity inside me cause it has been removed by the power of abiding in Christ in His precious body and blood.

Sacramental power synergizing with the prayers of the saints, an informed conseience (learning about God’s blueprint for our body), and daily hunmble begging is a recipie for a miracle. That is what it takes to get truly and completely free from deeply seated habit patterns. Anxious fear (panic attacks), Judging others hearts, love of material things, fear of rejection. This is the short list of things God had healed me from though the power of the sacraments and the prayers of the saints. That is why today I am truly and wholely “SOLDONSACRAMENTS”

Aquire tapes or CD on the theology of the body from Our fathers will communications Phone (866) 333-ofwc or www.theologyofthebody.net. order many differnt sets listen often!


#15

[quote=Eireann_77]I need a male perspective on pornography and lust in general. I just learned that my boyfriend may be addicted and has been lying to me for 4 yrs. I have decided to try and stick it out and help him if I can. I had aleady convinced him to go back to the Catholic faith. The problem started when he was 4 because his parents used it and told him it was ok. There is also some sexual abuse. This is so out of my league. I really cannot conceive of it. Why? How? I’d like some advice on how to help him and how to get over the anger, hurt, and distrust I have. There is a lot more to this too. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Eireann_77
[/quote]

Hello, on this website there are prayers against the Spirits of lust, Alcohol, Cigarettes, and so forth maybe you could say them for him or maybe he would say the prayers himself.
home.att.net/~eucharistic/

The best of Irish luck to you and :blessyou:


#16

A Catholic website : www.pornnomore.com


#17

I have worked as an anti-porn activist for 20 years. I would recommend the web site of another activist who was victimized, along with her children, by a husband who was addicted to pornography.

www.victimsofpornography.org

I believe the testimonies you will read here will give you an idea of the tragedy of porn addiction and the future you face being married to a man who is porn-addicted. Guidelines and counseling are offered to those who want to understand this form of addiction.

I know of women who marry men and knew they were addicted to alcohol before they made their vows. Their lives and their children’s lives have been miserable. A BIG mistake!

My advice to you is DO NOT marry a man who is addicted to porn, drugs, alcohol or gambling. Do not feel sorry for them, enable them, or support them. And, honey, YOU are not going to cure them! It’s always going to be HIS problem, and yet YOU, and your children, will be most assuredly affected and made miserable. It would be better if you tied a millstone around your neck and dragged it thru your lifetime.

Four years devoted to a man who won’t marry you, and there may be some abuse ? My advice is run, don’t walk, to the nearest EXIT.

Pray to God to find you a real man, a god-fearing/loving man…one who loves you, not his addiction.


#18

Since this thread was started, I wonder if there has been any update about this situation.

I am totally appalled that the parents would let your boyfriend to think porno is OK :eek: !

Start to pray to our Blessed Mother Mary for his purity and pray to St. Michael the Archangel for his protection from Satan’s advances in the area of his porno addiction.

Go with God!
Edwin


#19

I’m not surprised, my husband’s father kept porno movies in their video cabinet. I’ve had to deal with it in my marraige, it is a very painful situation but it can be overcome.


#20

Sorry if this sounds harsh following all these very sincere prayers, directions to anti-porn sites, me-too stories and struggles, BUT what is the dilema here? I would drop this guy faster than you can say “Playboy.” You are not married and have no obligation to “work it out” or see him through this together. The purpose of dating is to discover and the attutides and values of those to whom we feel an emotional attraction. In picking a life mate, do you really want to start off in counseling?!?! Where is your common ground in terms of values, trust, intimacy? Would you EVER trust this man to be an example for children? Remember he’s already developed a pattern of lying to cover his activities.

You may feel emotion for him, but can you call it mutual love when there is such a breach of trust between you? Marriage is hard enough without starting out pushing a boulder up hill. I am no prude who freaks out at the thought that a man has seen porn in any number of settings in this culture and I applaud everyone who faces their demons and overcomes them. But… I would NEVER commit to sharing my life, spiritual well-being or future children’s welfare to a man who is still powerless in the face of a pathological additiction. It’s a set up for failure and heart ache, plain and simple.


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