intamacy with children in the house?


#1

My husband and I do not have any children yet (working on it though :slight_smile: ) Anyway, once a week, my sister’s two older daughters come and spend the night with us. they are homeschooled and they do math and some other things here with me on thursdays. We live in a two bedroom apartment, but the second bedroom is the office and storage room, so the girls sleep on the sofa in the living room. The kitchen is the only thing between them and the bedroom where my husband and I sleep. Our bedroom has a door and we could lock it, but we do not.

A couple of weeks ago, hubby and I had settled in for bed and he wanted, uh you know. I was a little nervous with the girls there, but I am trying to keep him from feeling that having them there will interfear with our relationship. We decided to go ahead and uh :o you know (very quietly and sneekely, though). The next day, my sister and I were having girl talk and somehow I let it slip that my husband and I made love the night before. She got all wierd on me and said she didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of us doing that while her kids were visiting since they are in the living room and could easily walk in on us.

I feel a little auckward now. I don’t want to do anything to upset her, but if it just happens one night where they are here that my husband wants to be with me, is it right of me to deny him because my sister doesn’t want us to? I’ve never had to deal with these kinds of situations before since I don’t have children.

What is the right thing to do? Should I have a talk with my husband about it? I know he’ll totally disagree and it’ll cause tention and I know my sister won’t change her feelings either. I didn’t mean to even say anything to her, somehow the implication came up in the conversation and she made the connection and just went on this long thing about how it’s innappropriate and bla bla bla.

Any advice from some moms out there would be appriciated.


#2

not a mom… but i would say that u shud lock the door when u r doing it so that if they want something at that time, they dont walk in on you… later on, for their safety, you can unlock it and go to sleep…

i dont think you should be denying your husband for this as if your sister has such a big issue about it, then the girls should not be there as she knows ur living condition!!


#3

I haven’t read the whole post (I’m old enough ;)) but I’d say NO.

Catholig


#4

Just assure your sister that you will lock the door and be quiet. It’s what all we parents have to do anyway! Does she NEVER have sex because her kids could walk in?

Besides, I happen to think that walking in on marital sexual relations is not exactly the worst thing that could happen to a kid. Embarrassing? Heck yeah. Awkward? Yup. Damaging? Not if handled with love, tact, and age-appropriate honesty. I mean, married people have sex. That’s a reality kids eventually have to learn to live with. And besides, if they are living in households where there is no sex, trust me, that is not doing them any favors. Kids need to see healthy, affectionate marriages, and marriages where there is nothing going on in the bedroom usually have nothing positive to show outside the bedroom either.


#5

My advice is to lock the door, turn on some music, and never mention anything about it to your sister again.

If she’s crude enough to ask, I’d just tell her not to worry but refuse to give details as to why she doesn’t have to.


#6

:yup: That’s what I would do too.

Brenda V.


#7

Me three, if I were married and had kids visiting (neither of which applies at present)


#8

If no one had sex once there were kids in the house, all families would have only one child.

Kathy


#9

thanks for the advice. I feel a lot better now. Locking the door would probably be a good idea.


#10

I just wonder. Locking the door seems like a no-brainer.

I’m not American, so I don’t know what social norms there are. Is there a cultural aversion to locked bedroom doors over there?


#11

Umm, no generally that’s a good idea with kids around.

And to the OP, if your sister is opposed to intimacy with children in the house, how on earth did her first born come to have siblings? It seems like she is asking a lot from someone who is doing her the favor of having her daughters over on a regular basis.


#12

I agree with many of the posters here have been in the situation as well , locking the door while being intimate is a no brainer though, simply because they are not your children.sexual realtions is not “dirty” filthy or disgusting. our society has just made it appear to be that way. one poster mentioned a lil music to cover sound and that is an excellent idea as well…

other than those few things, have fun

                                    John

#13

Starting to lock the door would be wise, but aside from that I see no reason to not to “renew your marriage covenant” with your nieces in the house.


#14

Please do not deny your husband or yourself the joy of physical intimacy because others happen to be in the house. He needs to know that you value him and your marriage above all others. Certainly be discreet and lock the door, but “go for it, girl.” I remember Dr. Phil saying that he and his wife have always had a quiet time together behind a locked bedroom door for a period of time when he first get home. He said the rule was, “You can distrub us only if your hair is on fire!” Good advice.


#15

A locked door and music is exactly right.


#16

This is the only situation in my house that I’m glad we have a tv in our room! :smiley:


#17

lock the bedroom door when you have houseguests

do not discuss the details of your intimate married life with anyone, especially yours sister or other relatives–it is a form of infidelity, and None of Their Business.


#18

I agree with the “None of Their Business” point; but I have a very very hard time with "a form of infidelity.

As to the OP, the locked door, music or TV on idea gets another vote here.

I wonder; however, if one of the reasons for this regular visitation by the nieces is so sister and her DH can have intimate time without the girls in the house. Does anyone feel differently if the sister indicated that she and DH felt very strongly that they did NOT want this to occur and indicated that if it was going to continue that they would prefer knowing and having the girls no longer stay overnight. That’s overboard IMO; but don’t the parents have the right to be that overboard?


#19

I would leave bedroom issues in the bedroom. That was not something that should slip out even to a sister. Its your house, make love if you want. What is the worse thing that could happen now? You don’t have to babysit anymore?

That being said, I would make sure the kids are sleeping and be very discrete. You are right, nothing should interfere with your relationship.


#20

I’m going to be completely honest here… If I was your sister, I’d never let my kids sleep at your house again. The thought of someone making love in the next room from where my precious cargo is sleeping makes me sick to my stomach.

My DH and I certainly DO have relations with the kids at home but they are OUR kids. If neices or nephews were over, I wouldn’t do that. I really don’t think I could get in the mood with a different child in the house anyway. It just seems perverted. I’m not trying to offend you. I’m just expressing that that is how I feel.

With all the pedophiles and predators in this world, sexual abuse is something that comes to my mind often. I can’t remember what percentage it is but isn’t it a fairly high percentage of kids that are abused by family members? I’m sure your husband isn’t that type of guy, but your sister can’t be completely 100% sure about that. Don’t you think that’s why your sister got freaked out?

Again - I’m not trying to attack you, I’m just trying to point out another perspective. I know you said you didn’t have kids yet (and here’s to hoping you conceive soon!) but how would you feel if it was YOUR kids sleeping at the sisters house while they are having sex?

I know I’m overprotective. :blush:

PS - lock the door next time. And don’t say anything to your sister.


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