Inter-Faith Dating Advice


#1

To start out, I know what the Church teaches on dating non-Catholics. Also, this is kind of a petty threat so...deep intellectuals need-not pity me!

I have felt that in my life, especially in the past year (I'm only a freshman in college..haha) that God would pair me up with a nice Catholic girl (or ANY Catholic girl! haha).

I've never been in a relationship, although I've been close a couple times. I've been praying for a solid 2 years about God sending me the right girl. I've prayed about every crush I've had. When I wasn't specifically on a certain girl, I would pray for God to make it blatantly obvious who he wanted me to date, or even if He wants me in a relationship at this point in my life!

And it's not like I COULDN'T have a girlfriend...I just want one that will last more than 2 weeks, ya know?

But back to the main point, I've narrowed it down to only pursue Catholic girls. But now, seeing as how it's been a while with that to no avail, I'm starting to consider the possibility of going outside the Church.

Am I just being desperate and not being patient with God? It's not like I'm looking for first-time girlfriend to be my wife, but I realize there are SO many advantages to dating someone of your faith, and as a person who considers himself pretty solid in his Catholic faith, dating a fellow Catholic would make complete sense. Would God want me to date a non-Catholic? (so I could bring her to the Church! :D)

Any advice is greatly appreciated!!


#2

Don't worry about it, Be paitent and wait on the Lord, God is not deaf his ears are always
open, and the Spirit shall lead you. Peace.

                                                                           Tom

#3

I keep trying to ignore it, but this verse keeps popping into my head... "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all of this will be added unto you..."

Ok I concede that it's been 20 years since I was a freshman in college and I may not be relating to you well ;)

However, I have an little exercise for you that may help: you need a tape measure. If you have one, get it out, stretch it out on the ground... if not visualize but its better with the acutal prop!! Ok, ready?

Say every foot of that tape measure is a year of your life; you can reasonably expect to live to your mid 80's or so.

You need 85 feet of tape for this. Ok you're at 18 or so right? Mark that off.

Take the next 4 or 5 feet and walk up to it and mark that. How much is left? A lot right?

So by the time you graduate college, how much tape measure is still in front of you? In the meantime, perhaps you will have met someone, but if NOT... though it may feel like your life is over it isn't I assure you--its not :thumbsup: Heres why, in part:

Do you remember having a first grade crush? you probably wouldn't necessarily still have that crush right? You've changed since you were 6. Well, you will change some more, and what you like as a freshman may not be what you like at 25. So think of dating as a way to find out what you want for the next REST OF YOUR LIFE :D, what you don't want, what you like, what you want in a mother to kids-- at your age you have the time and I think sort of the obligation to not worry about finding THE one just yet. Besides, there is a girl out there I promise you, who is Catholic and asking the exact same questions you are.

As far as interfaith dating goes, if you can casually date I see no problem. But dating is how people fall in love, so be clear on what you want in your life. It sounds like you are thinking about it because you cant find a Catholic girl? That is dating by default, probably not what it sounds like you want. :) Also, often young love thinks the other one will change. I can't remember who said that "When you remember how difficult it is to change yourself, you will see the challenge in trying to change others" but I would urge you to keep that in mind. There are several threads on here from people who are Catholic married to someone who isn't... dating someone who isn't... read those!!!! It is very painful to marry outside of your faith. And the family into which you marry won't help, I've seen it over and over.

Ask your priest about this too.

Go to Mass, get involved at your Church. Most parishes have a Newman Center or something like that. If you're a good kid, some Mom will want you to meet her daughter or something! Be an usher, there are a million ways you can put yourself in the right setting for what you want!
Don't sweat it just yet... what you do is not nearly as important as who you are becoming. And in the meantime, get that degree!

Pax!


#4

When you need to find a catholic girl friend go the church and pray before the tabernacle and ask Christ to take the loneliness and replace it with a catholic women you can treat with love and dignity as your wife.

Your old enough to get married so that is what a moral man would do if he truly wanted to be on the path of catholic couplehood. I have no doubt the Lord will answer your prayer if made sincerely. Oh yes the first girl that comes your way may not be your wife so remember to treat her with respect as you would expect your future wife to have been treated with respect by the men she dated.

As for interfaith dating my whole family from my father on down married non catholics and we converted everyone one of them. From 6 we know have 21 catholics in the family. I’m not keeping score but it is something unique to my family that I haven’t seen in others.

The key is Christ and Respect.

Pax


#5

Hi there!

I think dating only Catholic girls is the way to go. You are young and there is plenty of time for you to meet a nice girl. Speaking from experience, I don't think dating outside of the faith is a good idea. There are so many difficulties involved and people often end up wondering if they made a mistake by getting involved with a non-Catholic. All relationships need work and when the faith is not shared that can be a major problem for the Catholic.

Don't worry, pray and trust God, get involved in different activities and fill your life with interesting people. God will send you the right girl when the time comes.


#6

No, “Missionary dating” almost never works out. All you have to do is look up a few threads on here to understand that. It’s not people that bring someone to Christ or to the Church, it’s the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Anyway who could resist bloating up with ego if you felt you had been responsible for a conversion???

Don’t do it. Get out more in Catholic circles. Non-Catholics don’t understand us and many of them want YOU to change your beliefs to match theirs.


#7

Yes.

And, young. You are being that too. At your age everything is a drama, life as you know it will be over if you don’t get a girlfriend by the time you are 21.

My husband held steadfast in his faith in God, his faithfulness to having only a Catholic spouse. He and I didn’t meet until he was 41. And he is very glad he did not change his standards and desires for a spouse with whom he could build a Catholic household and share the most important aspect of his life-- his faith.

Get your degree, be involved in activities. Stop worrying about whether or not you have a girlfriend, today, tomorrow, or 5 years from now. Focus instead on building virtue and discerning how God wants you to live out your baptismal call.

So, come back and talk to me when you are 41. Until then, you have plenty of time and are being sort of silly, IMHO.


#8

Wow, this was all great advice…thanks so much everybody!!


#9

Boy am I sure glad that the man I'm going to marry didn't rule me out because I wasn't catholic!

He is a VERY devout traditional catholic and I had no faith when we met and quite honestly, his devotion to his faith pretty much freaked me out. I didn't "get it" and it's been quite a long road but the struggles have shown both of us just how strongly God brought us together.

I'm working on becoming Cathoilc and now he jokes that I'm more cathoic than he is. I have found Christ and have never been happier, more content, and extremely grateful for the blessings that my boyfriend has brought to my life. Not only is he an amazing man whom I can't imagine living life without, but he brought me to the faith. If someone told me a couple of years ago that this is the direction my life would go I'd have laughed. Hard. But, here I am. No one is a lost cause so my advice is to not narrow your search!

Also you said you're not looking to get married but isn't that the point of courting?

God Bless!


#10

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