Interfaith Trouble *sigh* Is There A way?


#1

Hello To All:
Iam brand new to this forum and apologize in advance if this seems all over the place I am going to try to be as honest as possible to give you insight on my life I am not the greatest writer soI humbly ask you tobear with me! Thank you all

I am in a dilema. I am a Catholic Man who is in a serious relationship with a girl who does not believe in... anything. I nor she can put a title on it but lets just say she is agnostic or modernistic. She believes there is no God and and a person molds there ideals themselves. She thinks I believe because I was raised this way and because its engained in me to do so. She cant feel the faith I have burning inside me and the real realationship with God I feel is right there beside me day in and out and has been there when it seemed there was nothing else!

Now I have done a few things wrong in approaching this realationship. I moved in with her so we are yes "shacked up". I have been in a state of sin for quite some timie and am not going to communion as a result. And like many of you "elder" thread poster/readers have seen in the past we are experiencinig difficulties on the forefront of marrige and raising children due to our major diffrences in the fundementals.

One thing that has to say is since Ive been seeing Tara she has helped change me for the better. I have not smoked ciggrettes for almost a year and quit marijuana for almost 2! I believe God may have set her in my path to help me with these certian things and through the last couple years I have definitly become a better man because of that.

We have always discussed the future prospects of our relationship and she knew I wanted to get married in the Church, Bptize my children and bring them to church on sundays. That des not sit well with her. I was confused for a while on exactly what i have to do when raising children as a catholic,i knew i had to marry in the church and baptize them and I made thatclear to her. But she does not want me to take them to church! I did not like this and knew that doing all of this is a huge comprimise to her belief system so i thought there may have been someway we can work it out. I know now as a catholic i must promise to raise my children catholic to the bet of my ability and for her to marry me she must allow me to do so.

So does it come to this, if she cant compromise her believe system ( wi\hich if you live in a post modern belief system does not bring the highest consequence) Then it cannot be?? This tears me apart inside i love her with a deep love but is it a choice between her and God?? Does it have to be that way because you surely know what i will have to choose. Pray For Us Please! Andrew and Tara, If i have to do what many of you think i should please give us the strengh... One thing is also if i leave her i no the sadness she will be overtook with and the saddest thing of all is she does not have God to lean on, that kills me. help Lord,


#2

While it’s great she has helped you overcome some bad habits, this is a relationship you need to walk away from. This is what I wrote on a similar thread:

I had a boyfriend for three years who was an athiest. He was a really nice guy, and a good friend. We eventually broke up over being mismatched religiously. His lack of faith was slowly drawing me out of mine, and I was miserable being away from God. I knew I had to choose between him and God, and I chose God. Within three months of breaking up I met a wonderful, faithful Catholic man I married just over a year later and I couldn’t be happier. Our shared faith is the bedrock of our relationship. Think about it - if your faith is the most important thing in your life (as it should be!), why would you want to be with someone who could not share it with you? They would be missing our on the most important thing about you. They would not know the full, real you. The Bible talks extensively about not being equally yoked with non-believers. Following the Bible’s advice on the subject will save you so much pain down the road, especially if you end up marrying him and having children. The children of mixed-faith marriages often end up with no faith at all. Wouldn’t that just break your heart? Is it worth the risk? If you spend some time talking to people who made the mistake of marrying outside the faith I think you will find the struggles and heartaches are not worth it.

There is lots of good advice on this thread: forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=486032

If you continue with this relationship, the likely end is that you, her, and your future children will not end up staying in the faith and you will be miserable. Please take the advice of people who made the mistake of marrying outside the faith and leave this relationship. You are putting your mortal soul in jeopardy.


#3

I've been married to a non-Catholic for over 20 years. You're going to need a lot more supoort from your non-Catholic spouse than what you describe. No matter what she believes, and even if she is baptised a Catholic, do not marry her if she isn't a positive force in favor of the practice of your faith. Don't even get me started on the chances that your children will ever be practicing Catholics if they grow up with the influence you describe, even if she relents on Mass attendance when the subject becomes real children instead of theoretical ones (which would astonish me).

It is very nice that you quit drinking and smoking pot under her influence. Wish her the best, and a better match as a husband than you're going to be. Don't fool yourself...you're not the only one who is going to suffer from the conflict, if you marry her.


#4

Andrew, I will pray for you, Tara, the children, and include you in my Mass intentions. You should start with returning to the sacraments (sacrament of penance or confession, and Holy Communion). The sacraments will put your soul back into the state of grace and will strengthen you, to find the correct solution and do what’s best for all of you (Tara, yourself, and the children). You will have to stop physical intimacy, since you are not married to each other. It will be hard, but just do the right thing. Whether your lady will reject you, or your prayers (and our prayers here at the forums) will soften her heart, you can’t know at this point. But start out doing the right thing, go to Confession and to Holy Communion.


#5

I have to agree. Religious differences only get worse over time. Once you have children, things will really heat up. Right now you are in the throes of ardor and attraction. That glosses over any differences.

The Bible says we are to be equally yoked. That means don't marry outside the faith.


#6

Thank you for the prayers.. I need to clarify I do not have children! I guess that is a good thing, i am now realizing i may have to take myself out of the situaton and break her/ my heart for the greater good. It's just so hard to do weve only been together for 2 years but i love her so much. I keep on thiniking there will be some way she'll agree to these terms i must abide by but in my gut i know she dosnt want to. The worst part is I work at diamond mine 2weeks on 2weeks off and we are dealing with a potential break up over the phone and through emails. I know people have problems even when there is support frm the non religous counter part, is it selfish of me to want/ask her to give up all her beliefs and accept to raise children catholic? this is a very tough situation i ask for your prayers no matter the outcome, we are both going to need the strength to either continue this realatonship or not. I have been sub cnciously putting itoff and floating in this state of limbo, we have had so many good times but i guess thereis a time to man up for the sake of both of us, its just hard.


#7

When you choose a wife, make your decision as if there were children, because there will be children soon enough. Those of us who have been there know that real children make these issues more emotional and more difficult, not less.

Do not ask her to give up all her beliefs to raise her children Catholic, not even if she tries to do that in order to hold on to you. That isn’t realistic, and it isn’t fair. The only way a non-Catholic should be asked to raise Catholic children is if the non-Catholic can put his or her heart into it, because he or she wants to do it, or because respect for the Catholic faith itself is a natural outgrowth of the person’s respect for his or her Catholic partner and that partner’s faith. This is not the case here! Don’t let wishful thinking cloud that, now or later.

It is not selfish for two people to realize that they’ll make a great husband and wife…for someone else. The most unselfish thing you can do is to let her find a husband who will let her be her own person, and, God willing, let her find the Lord in truth, instead of through an artificial pretense put on for your sake.

There is no heartbreak like being in a bad marriage with someone you wish you could have made happy. Spare her that, and you’ll have done as much to spare her heart as you can do at this point.


#8

Don’t worry about being selfish. Worry about being RIGHT. It’s a no win situation, the party who insists looks selfish, you look selfish for insisting on religion, she looks selfish for insisting on no religion. At the end of the day, though, one position is right, and the other position is wrong.

Since you don’t have children (thanks God!; sorry I misunderstood you), make a clean break from physical intimacy, right now, and count your blessings. If you conceive a child, you risk a lifetime of heartache over your religious disagreements.


#9

It might be necessary for you to break up over the e-mail or telephone. Whatever it takes to avoid the occasion and temptation for getting physically intimate again. At any rate, make sure to go to sacramental confession, and partake in the Eucharist, before you see her again. Also, meet her in a public setting (in a public park, coffee house, etc), not in her home, where you might end up doing what you don't want to do.


#10

No, there isn’t a way.

Your first allegance is to God. You are correct that you must practice your faith fully and when you have a family it will be important to do so with the children. She is opposed to your faith. This is not the foundation for a holy and strong marriage.

Move on.

First order of business is to move out and stop the sexual relationship. Go to confession and resume the sacramental life of the Church. Go to Mass each week and honor God.

As for those things you stopped doing while with her-- you shouldn’t have been doing them anyway. So, practice virtue and don’t resume them.


#11

I’m sure it’s difficult to hear people say to move on. I am married to a baptist and it has brought some difficulties into our marriage. My sadness comes more from what I believe she is missing than us disagreeing on important teachings. My brother is married to an agnostic and it seems to work for him. I would never consider marrying someone who is not a Christian. My Catholic Christianity is so much a part of my life I couldn’t imagine sharing with someone who doesn’t at least share my belief in God and Jesus. Fortunately you don’t have any children at this point. I’d offer the same advice given above. Share with her the reasons you couldn’t share your life with her, move on and seek reconciliation through the confessional.

Good luck and remember our lives are very short and we have to keep focused on what is truly important!


#12

You have taken this relationship as far as it is going to go; time to move out, move on and find a nice Catholic girl (at least one who is Catholic friendly) to marry and raise awesome Catholic kids.


#13

this relationship has already broughjt you into the perpetual state of mortal sin. how much worse would you like this to get?

.


#14

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