I’m a hindu man and I am engaged to a Catholic woman. We are currently planning our wedding and have run into many, many roadblocks. The main one is, having a church wedding.
We are both scientists and when we begun dating I had asked her a very simple questions, “do you believe in Catholicism?” Her response was, “I’m not very catholic, I goto church sometimes to think, I don’t really know what to believe, I’m also not confirmed…” (almost a complete quote).
I took this as, well she believes in god and tenants of the christian faith but not all of what the church states as law, which is similar to me (I believe in god, but have a hard time believing in rituals (or dogma)). From my perspective, the tenants are very similar, it is the practice that differs.
We have been together for 3 years now, and got engaged last year… we have also been living together for 1.5 years. Prior to engagement, we had discussed infant baptism. I am against it, while she was for it. In the end, she said it would be okay to not baptize the children. It was after this that we decided to get married.
Originally she said she must get married in the church (in addition to a separate Hindu ceremony) to fulfill her marriage sacrament. I was okay with this, although my family was not. Needless to say, I had a lot of fights with my parents and siblings regarding the church ceremony to defend my fiance’s desire (need) to have a church ceremony.
After taking the preparation wedding classes, we were told the in church wedding was not a sacrament since I was not christian. From what the instructor had said (and what I later confirmed with her priest) was that the wedding was “good in the eyes of the church, but not a sacrament.” Due to this (and my family) I am having a hard time justifying a church wedding… which I know she REALLY wants.
As an aside on this topic, her and her family were not comfortable with most of the hindu ceremony. So we (my parents and I) modified the ceremony to the point that it was symbolic only…
It got to the point where so many traditions were modified that my parents stated (and I support) that we should have 1 non-denominational ceremony to finalize the marriage. There point was, we live together, don’t really follow either tradition, so why are we fighting over this.
Recently tragedy has struck her family (her mother had passed away). The burial ceremony was held on the day of our planned engagement party. Since then, my fiance has become more of a practising Catholic. She now wants to be confirmed… she has stated that no infant baptism will take place when we have kids.
I want to support her, but I have read many of the tenants (laws, rules, obligations) of the church. I know that it is a catholics duty to do what is in their power to raise their kids Catholic… With respect to kids, it is still not an issue, but I worry that it will be when we do have children, even though she doesn’t feel like any issue will arise.
I also feel, that if she does desire to practice her faith (fully), then I will be taking away from her by not baptizing our kids… and not fully supporting her (by going to church with her).
Any thoughts or advise? I’m truely at a loss…