I am currently involved in an interracial relationship. I am a white male she a black female. We have been dating for a year but my parents are unaccepting. They even refuse to even meet her. This has been very tough on me. Any advice?
racism is grave matter. i wish we could see each other as our loving Father sees us. how hurtful this must be to the one you love. see Jesus in each other.
Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy Name,
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done on earth
as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those
who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil .
Hail Mary full of grace .
The Lord is with Thee .
Blessed art Thou amongst women
And blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus .
Holy Mary Mother of God ,
pray for us sinners ,
now and at the hour of our death .
Glory be to the Father
and to the Son
and to the Holy Spirit
As it was in the beginning is now ,
and ever shall be , world without end .
Sorry to hear this. I’ll say a prayer. The only think you can do is talk to your parents about it. Other than this issue, is your relationship with your parents alright, or have their been frequent control issues? I have a friend whose parents have all but disowned her because of her boyfriend. (They claim it’s not just because he’s black but that’s what they seem to keep going back to when she talks to them about it.) The thing is, I think it’s really more of a problem with them letting her go. (She’s 28 though and they need to get over it.)
I’m white, and I dated a black girl for many years. Off and on.
My parents didn’t care, but her family did. How she dealt with it was by saying something like , “How dare you judge him based on the color of his skin. Isn’t that what you’ve raised me not to do?” Her brothers (one was great, one was awful) agreed with her, but her mom never liked me because I was white. It was very, very awkward.
Your parents are very wrong to feel this way. It’s disgusting. There are few things worse than racism.
Sadly, it’s very hard to fight it.
Eventually, your parents need to accept the fact that you two might marry and have kids. If they don’t like it, it’s their problem, not yours.
By the way, my relationship ended not because of race/family issues, but for other reasons.
Your in my prayers.
i know how that is ive been raised by a racist step-dad to never date black girls and I’ve been taught that since i was 6 and they used Bible verses too prove to me that interracial couples is a sin how do i prove its not? and also ill be praying
Besides generic white exactly what nationality or ethnic group are we talking about? Social conditions and the reasons for such feelings are different in different communities.
Coming from a multicultural background, a family and a city with many interracial relationships, I am disgusted that in 2011, it’s still an issue.
If your parents won’t move at all on this, there’s nothing you can do but do for yourself and your girlfriend.
At the same time – and you may not like me saying this – in spite of their ignorance make sure to do right by them, be respectful, without changing yourself. Don’t do anything you’ll regret, however much they deserve it, because no matter what goes on between you and your girlfriend, for better or for worse, someone is going to have to look after your parents when they get old, ill, and die.
More practically. If you haven’t done so already, set boundaries with them and make clear to your parents that you won’t cross them.
first, you should keep in mind that your parents have a choice to choose their own beliefs(whether right or wrong) and the choice to implement them. this is both a Christian tenet(in that we all have the option of choosing right or wrong) and an american tenet.
further, as you well know, the issue of race is a hot-button topic in the west and has been for hundreds of years; especially when it pertains to blacks and whites.
personally, i am of the opinion that “race-mixing” of this sort has proven to be a disaster culturally speaking for BOTH groups, and especially for the currently dominant one(whites).
in fact, pope benedict recently(i cant remember if it was in an encyclical or something else, check his most recent encyclical) stated that indiscriminate immigration was likely to destroy the very cultures which provide the ability of mankind to help the 3rd world countries and peoples; and that nations have a RIGHT to protect THEIR cultures, and by extension, THEIR peoples. this becomes a “race” AND “culture” question, since the 2 have never been able to be separated one from the other.
further, there are also many other Christians that believe that God separated the races for a reason, and that this reason should be obvious to an honest thinker.
in fact, there was a book written a few years ago(which i also cant remember the title to, but shouldnt be too hard to find) that was a research book by 2 mixed couples which found that this sort of mix is not a good idea. REMEMBER, this was the well researched conclusion of 2 mixed couples after thorough honest study.
for example, statistically, black/white couples face even a higher failure rate than non-mixed, and then there is the issue of children, who face confusion on who and what they are and where they fit in etc.
it is easy to sit back and say “oh thats not Christian and we should all just accept everybody”. however, that is a fantasy of willful self delusion and it is not consistent with what we know in science about genetics and/or culture, nor is it consistent with well-recorded history.
historically,(im a historian) what we see is that different cultures do NOT mix well together in a single society; one becomes dominant and the other becomes discriminated against both personally and culturally; and most often this turns to physically violent discrimination as we saw in the civil war, which we see in palestine between jews and arabs, and which we see constantly among even the different black tribes in various african countries.
we also see this discrimination even today in our country as we watch all things pro-black held up as “great” and all things white and/or Christian desecrated and bemoaned as bigoted.
so, without writing a treatise here, i will return to your parents.
they have a good basis to withhold support of your “race-mixing” due to all of these factors(and many others) and the obvious “support” and “bad” example that your “mixing” action provides others, especially young people.
again, keep in mind that my points are not based on “hate” but are based on facts of history and the normal REALITIES that are faced by forced mergers of culture; and while you dont consider that YOUR merger is “forced”; if you and your black girlfriend were to have children it would obviously be forced on those children; and your merger is also forced on your parents and your other family and social acquaintances.
in closing, a basic fact that everybody finds shocking will help illustrate the problems caused by forcing very different cultures/races together.
there are about 6 times as many white men as black men in this country(the usa) and white men sexually attack between 1 and 9 black females per year.
on the flip-side, even though there are only 1/6th as many black men in this country as there are white men, black males sexually attack 35,000 white females per year(yes 35 thousand).
this clearly demonstrates a HUGE cultural difference as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not acceptable behavior in our 2 very different cultures; and while slavery was another example of BAD culture mixing; our replacement of slavery with a different version of culture mixing hasnt proved to be very good either(in fact; for 35 thousand white females per year and their families; our new system has proved incalculably DISASTROUS !!).
so again, your parents may or may not know these particular “facts” or many other similar facts; however, it is only the purposefully blind(biblically speaking; the people with eyes that dont see and ears that dont hear); that dont recognize the heretofore historically insurmountable problems that necessarily and obviously come with culture/race mixing in a given society.
so your parents are basically just making an attempt to influence you and others toward what they see as the BEST choice for you and for others.
… and in fact, with very rare exception, all of the facts are on their side.
… and while this reality may not be a comfortable realization for you, and while it is certainly not a “politically correct” REALITY to make a public statement about; it is nonetheless REALITY. so let those with eyes that see, see; and let those with ears that hear, hear.
have a great day and God bless the both of you.
makes sense, and political correctness i have never agreed with and im confused ive been ive heard two different things, one side says interracial marriage is bad and the other says its not idk what what
This is going to be fun…
I am the product of an interracial relationship. My mother is Mexican. My father is Caucasian of Austrian decent. They married in 1971. That was definitely taboo at the time, but they had two things going for them.
Both of them were in the military, which is far more interracial friendly, and largely immune from society’s ills regarding race.
Both of them were Catholic, and loyal to the Church.
I grew up in both “worlds”, easily identifying with both races and switching between the two whenever I wanted to. However, there were plenty of times when I felt I didn’t belong to either group.
Enter high school. My school was 80% black, due to busing policies in Oklahoma City at the time. Meet girl, then get stupid. The fact that she was black didn’t bother me. My parents presented many of the same arguments listed above, but I didn’t listen. What should have mattered was the fact that she wasn’t Catholic (barely even Christian).
I married her after I joined the Army, and divorced her 18 months later (12 of which I spent in South Korea). I married in the courthouse (invalid), so the annulment came back almost as soon as I put the papers in.
Meet new girl, also black. However, this time, she had a white step-mother who took her to Catholic church growing up. Her father would not allow her to convert, so once I told her I was Catholic, she wanted to sign up. I directed her to RCIA and she was initiated the next Easter Vigil.
My parents were cautious, excited about her wanting to become Catholic, but not sure if she was serious. After RCIA started, they provided all the support she needed. In fact, her father’s problem with me wasn’t that I was white (since he married a white woman). It was that I was divorced, and Catholic :eek:.
We now have 5 children and are expecting our 6th. Our children have no concept of race or culture. We are American, and we are Catholic, and that is all that matters to them. Our families are great. Her family’s objections about Cathoicism have subsided over knowing that their grandchildren are in church every Sunday. My family doesn’t even notice race anymore. The rest is history
Race and Culture are only things of this world, which shall pass in the end. What matters most is the Power of His Church!
I’m sort of in an interacial marriage. My husband is white, but he’s from Peru, and my mom HATES hispanic people. Absolutely despises them. But, that only applies to the nameless, faceless people she can’t see as individual human beings. Once she meets a hispanic person and gets to know them, they suddenly become and individual to her and she can like them in isolation while continuing to hate them as a group. Maybe your parents can warm up to your girlfriend over time if they can come to see her as seperate from the rest of her race?
Racism is such an ugly thing.
I LOVE YOUR TESTIMONY!!! Thank you.
My sisters both married outside their race, and on that side of the family we have eight mixed-race nieces and nephews. It has never been an issue with my immediate family. My grandparents are from the south in the US. One grandmother was dead and one grandfather senile by the time my sisters married. The others, whatever they might have thought in the abstract, love the boys when they met them.
On the other hand, my youngest sister’s then-fiance told his family that he was marrying a foreigner, and his grandfather said, “You can’t do that. She’s the enemy!” It has been occasionally difficult, but they do not live near his relatives.
In my experience, having lived abroad for more years than in the US and having seen many, MANY cross-cultural and interracial marriages, it is the culture which can cause problems. Race, not really. :shrug:
I agree with this as well. However, if people see those of a different race as inferior and even repulsive, than that is a real problem, althout it is not a rational thing to feel that way.
I don’t have advice for the OP but will say a prayer.
I completely disagree with all of the above! First of all, there is only one race - the race of the Children of God. We are all members of it. Race, meaning people having different skin colors, etc., means absolutely nothing. It is just part of a person’s description.
Ethnicity - embracing all the different cultures - can have much more effect on relationships than the color of someone’s skin. Irish, Swedes, Italian are all of the white race, but their cultural differences are great. These differences can make for an interesting life, or difficulties. It all depends on the individuals involved.
So, you read the research of 2 mixed couples! Well, big deal!! Here is the experience of one member of a mixed couple. My husband and I have been married for almost 42 years. He is black (and Indian, Spanish, Portuguese and French!) and I am white. Our being of a different race has made exactly no difference in our lives. We have two sons. Neither of them has had difficulties in “fitting in”. My eldest son married a woman who is a mix of white and Indian. My younger son married a woman who if darker than his father and is a mix of black and Indian. Are there difficulties because of “race”? No. It just doesn’t enter into the life equation. We are all human beings created in the image and likeness of God. If people can’t see past the color of skin, they are pathetic.
If God did not want us to mix, he would not allow us to create children together. He did not want homosexuals to have kids together, that is why they cannot. God is life. Children are fruits of a couple’s love.
My parents didn’t like the idea of my husband who was black, but after time (longer for my mom) they love their grandchildren and we have been married for over 25 years. My kids are in college, beautiful, smart and I hope will have a more educated and less bigoted world.
I grew up in a small town that is still almost the same as 30 years ago, but when I moved 10 miles away, to a city, I met MANY mixed couples at a large hospital I worked at and found the most racist comments were in small towns (but not all) I’m ashamed to say, the Italian neighborhoods were the worst, but more affluent neighborhoods back then and more diverse were fine. My children went to Catholic school with all races and had Jewish friends, Muslim, etc. It made it very hard for them to recognize bigotry and understand it, but I suppose that’s a good thing.
I know you love your parents but they are very wrong. As Christians, we know we are all equal under Christ. God made us all and we are loved equally by God. I find that you cannot be a true Christian and be racist. I can only suggest that you try talking to them again, maybe ask your parish priest to talk to them. They may change after you marry, have children. If they do not, it is their issue. You would still love them of course.
You could point out to your parents that Christ was not born as a white man.
My prayers for you.
Congratulations and God bless your great family. We are all children of God.
The post you are responding too is all racist propaganda. I can understand your confusion having been taught as a child to be racist. I do not know what bible verses your step father referred to but those “Christians” who supported slavery and then the anti miscenegation laws in the US also “justified” their twisted beliefs by referring to the Bible.