[quote="Jettspeed, post:1, topic:248419"]
I am currently involved in an interracial relationship. I am a white male she a black female. We have been dating for a year but my parents are unaccepting. They even refuse to even meet her. This has been very tough on me. Any advice?
Parents pull this kind of stunt for all kinds of reasons. This time it is about race; next time it could be because the woman was previously married, and the next time who knows what.
It might help to understand that our stages of growth do not end when we finish adolescence. Parents must go through the stage of accepting that their children are autonomous adults. Try to be compassionate, and realize that this stage of growth is harder for some of us than others. Every time you allow them to abuse your honor of them in order to treat you like a child will only make the acceptance of your adulthood harder for them to achieve.
They are engaging in emotional manipulation in order to advance the idea that they have some say in who you marry, that they have a say in your life choices. They don't. You can't change their wrong-headed thinking. You must stiffen your spine and refuse to accept their manipulative tactics. IOW: If you want your parents to treat you as a grown man, you have to act like one. Let them know the ways in which they may communicate their disapproval of your choices, and the ways in which they may not. Let them know that your choices are yours, and no one else's. Be self-controlled, but know what is yours to defend and defend it.
First, try a gentle tack. Explain that you know it is not easy that you have not grown to make all the decisions that they would, but tell them that their strategy is not going to change your mind. Their son is a man now. They have to face that and accept it, and then decide whether they will treat you with the respect a man deserves, because as a man, that is what you require. Ask them to drop this kind of treatment out of respect for you and your arrival in adulthood, if nothing else.
If they don't accept that their tactic is not working and will not work, then tell them that this is not just some date you picked up, but your girlfriend of many years. Even if you had just met her last week, they have no right to choose your friends or who you will marry, let alone to reject a friend of yours without even meeting her. Stay polite, but be ready to be as firm as you have to.
Let them know that if they refuse to meet her and to unfailingly treat her in the same polite manner with which you were required to treat every one of their social circle when you were growing up, then they are going to severely limit the amount of time they spend with you, because you refuse to be emotionally blackmailed. You will not stick around to be treated like a child. After all, if they don't treat your friends as they taught you to treat theirs, then that is what it is: either that or hypocrisy, take your pick. Also let them know that if you marry, you will not force your wife or children to have a relationship with someone who chose to hate her without even meeting her. You expect them to treat your friends and eventually your family with respect, and that is not negotiable.
This isn't about your girlfriend's race. It must be extremely painful for you that your parents would make you choose between being their son and being a man, but that is the situation. Get yourself support to get through this difficult time, but I think you know what you have to choose. It may take them some time to realize you are an adult, but it all starts with you deciding to act like one. There's no time like the present. Just Do It.