Intimacy with wife who had tubal ligation


#1

Greetings,

I recently came back to our faith after being a not-so-great Catholic for many years. One of the issues I have been trying to clear up is my marriage. My wife and I were never married in the Church. I am working with a priest who said we need to live like brother and sister if and until we get properly married, and I (we) have been doing just that.

Sex is a tremendous issue with my wife and she has already said that she will seek intimacy elsewhere if I don’t “get it together” and start living like we are married, but I just can’t do that now. My wife is a very liberal Catholic who really doesn’t view anything as sinful except, of course, being “not nice.” She also thinks homosexuals should “marry”, priests should marry, woman should be priests and that abortion should be legal because “it is what people want.”

She also had a tubal ligation after our 5th child. Will this prevent us from ever being intimate again? If so, I suppose I should tell her about that now.

Never easy, I rekon.

Please pray for me and my family.


#2

I'm sorry to hear about the problems you're dealing with right now, but I am glad to hear that you've decided to start taking your faith more seriously.

I am shocked that your wife would tell you "that she will seek intimacy elsewhere" if you don't sleep with her again soon. That's just beyond horrible. I understand that in a marriage we have duties to our spouses, but it is not as if you simply stated that from now until you die you will never be intimate with her again. I really hope your wife was not serious about her comment, because if she was that would be a big indication to me that her love for you isn't very strong. I mean what if you were to get into an accident and no longer be able to be intimate afterward? Would your wife cheat on you or leave you because of it? If not, then why this radical reaction over something that is only going to be temporary once you can have your marriage validated?

I think you, your wife, and your priest all need to sit down and talk together about this. You all need to be on the same page.

As far as your wife's tubal ligation goes, from what I understand (and I could be wrong) if your wife sincerely goes to confession and receives absolution for this you should be ok. It's something she had done in the past that she most likely could not have undone. So as long as she were to acknowledge the sinfulness of her action and repent then I don't see this being a barrier to having your marriage validated in the Church, even though your wife's operation makes it impossible for your marriage to be fruitful now.

I do think one thing you'll definitely have to work on though is your wife's understanding of the faith. If this is going to work she's going to need to better understand where you and the Church are coming from regarding the various issues she has with Church teaching. Again, this is a reason for you to both sit down with the priest and discuss the situation.

Anyway, I wish I could give you more and better advice. To be fair though, I should let you know that I have never been married and am only in my late 20's. So my understanding of how things should be done in this situation is based off of limited and incomplete knowledge.


#3

Even if she does not go to Confession it is her sin not yours. If you consented to the ligation or at all played a role in it then you will need to go to Confession and then you will be able to resume relations (barring the other issue.) It is she that will be in a state of sin not you. This has been discussed by the apologists on this site.

Secondly, as far as the living as brother and sister. There is the other option that you resume relations and forgo the Eucharist. It is not a good option as you will be choosing to stay in a state of sin until the convalidation. However, you need to look at this for what it is. I had a friend who did this with her non-Catholic husband as she did not want to push him further away from the Church. A year later after their convalidation he became Catholic - probably through the Grace of the Sacrament. I don't know if the extra sin of anger would have clouded that Grace. It was a tremoundous Sacrifice but he is now a 3rd degree Knight of Columbus.

Thirdly, right now your marriage is invalid. Your wife are having issues. Are you sure you want to make this a Sacramental marriage if your wife is threatening adultery. I know you have children but maybe you want to go through some counseling first or at least a serious sit down with your priest before you do this and make sure everyone is on the same page because right now it does not sound like it.


#4

I am not in communion with the Church so I am not receiving the Eucharist am and giving a little explanation of my situation before reconcilliation.


#5

You can be intimate. There is nothing wrong.

I know it is hard when the wife has a TL. I am in the same situation. The intimacy is altogether different. It is a heavy cross to bear.


#6

praying for you and your family...


#7

[quote="Samuel63, post:5, topic:251197"]
You can be intimate. There is nothing wrong.

I know it is hard when the wife has a TL. I am in the same situation. The intimacy is altogether different. It is a heavy cross to bear.

[/quote]

Yes, you can have sex after a tubal ligation provided you are married. The OP is not married to his wife in the church therefore his priest is correct, they should abstain since they are not married.

The comment that your wife will seek intimacy elsewhere is a big red flag. :(

KG


#8

Agree. The marriage should be reconciled with the church.


#9

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