Is 17 too young to marry?


#21

If it’s any help I know of two couples who married at 17 and both are still together. Couple number 1 wed 4 years ago and Couple # 2 wed 18 years ago. So I guess I would seek the advice of a priest or try to find someone who knows you well and can keep and open mind.:thumbsup:


#22

Simple answer: Yes! From a Catholic perspective, marriage, and the raising of children, is a vocation. That is, a vocation, no less important than that of the Priesthood or Religious Life. The Church’s position on the permanence of sacramental marriage is well known, and I’ll not go into it here. Most dioceses in the U.S. require a six month notification (to a Priest/Deacon) prior to marriage. The purpose of this requirement is to facilitate a period of preparation to recieve the sacrament. While not wishing to pass judgement on you, or your intended, much thought, much preparation, much prayer and reflection are in order prior to taking the plunge as it were. This will be true whether or not you live in Ireland, or the United States.


#23

In my diocese if either or both of the parties are under 19 a special proceedure needs to be followed. Written consent of the parents is required for anyone under 18 and for anyone under 19 the chancery has to be contacted and the couples emotional and spiritual maturity must be evaluated…many times professional counseling may be required before the Churhc will allow them to be married.


#24

In general: no.

Based on your previous thread only: yes.


#25

It really does depend my Gram married when she was 13 y/o had 5 children, was married for 42 years when my Grandfather passed away and has been celibate for 33 years. My Grandparents had a short courtship.

My parents were 19 & 18 when they married they’ve been married for 38 years. They were courting almost 2 years.

My husband & I were 20 & 21 when we married almost 14 years ago. My husband proposed right away but we didn’t get married until a year later. That really freaks out my old high school and college girlfriends. A good friend of mine is thinking about marriage she is 34 because she doesn’t think she is ready.

How did you meet?


#26

I second this. :thumbsup: Especially the prayer bit.


#27

Is 17 too young to marry?

Yes.

If this is the person God has chosen for you, there is no rush. I would suggest waiting at least a year…preferably 3.


#28

IN the past young men and women were often thrust into adult situations at very early ages. This is not something that we expect of young people today, so MOST modern youth will not have the maturity to marry at 17.

Is it possible for you to have a good marriage at 17? Yes. Is it likely that a modern couple will succeed at marriage at such a young age? No, probably not.

Why not just have a long engagement? Maybe two years or so?


#29

Also bear in mind that “as long as you both live” 200 years ago meant until one of you dies at 39 and the other is 37 and has 20-odd years left to start over with someone else. Hard, but not as hard as knowing whether you want to commit to marriage to someone at 18 when odds are you will both make it to about 70; that’s a 52-year commitment, and when one of you is widowed, that one will be 70, give or take. One just usually loses some resiliency by then. So now, it is a bigger deal to get married than it was then. It sounds unemotional the way I say it but you need to be realistic about modern life. Also back then if you were farmers (as was very likely) when you were widowed you still had the farm. Now you rely on insurance. The future is longer and change comes more often now. Plan carefully.


#30

Yes.


#31

Whoa, whoa, whoa…TIME OUT!!!

Since when are our spouses chosen for us? The catechism indirectly implies that WE choose our own spouses.


#32

Yes, we have free will and we choose who we marry. However we should pray to determine God’s Will in the decisions we make throughout our lives. That is the sense in which I used the term “if this is the person God has chosen for you.”


#33

I married at 18, my husband was also 18. I thank God everyday that we have been able to grow together over the years and though its been a ton of hard work i wouldnt do it differently. i am 26 with our 5th child on the way. its no walk in the park and i am definately a totally different person now then i was there, him too. :Some how, with Gods help we have not grown a part like so many times happens in marriage.

my one argument to waiting is that i know plenty of people that waited till they had “LIVED” and at 40 are splitting up. when you wait you sometimes are too much your own person and never fully become one at heart. Most of the people that are older when they marry are extremely selfish and its hard for them to “die unto one self” in order to give themselves fully to their spouse. Age is relative!


#34

thank goodness i’m not the only one to notice this trend.
**learning & willing to depend on each other is something i think comes easier when younger:) **


#35

That is a very insightful post…thank you for sharing that perspective! I got married when I was right out of college-at 22…my husband however was 32…It has been working for 16 years, but not w/out its ups and downs for sure. I think 17 is a bit young, personally…I do think that a person needs to get out and just experience some things before getting married, but if you decide to get married young, there are some of us on here who have proven that it works.:slight_smile:


#36

No. If you live together before marriage, or disobey the Church’s teaching on artificial contraception, then statistically the chances of the marraige ending in divorce, for such a young age, are very bad.
However amongst those who don’t use artificial contraception and don’t live together before marriage, divorce is to all intents and purposes unheard of. That doesn’t mean you will not have any problems, or that the match is prudent, but you shouldn’t worry about the moral rightness of marrying if you feel you can keep to this.


#37

I am very happy for you that your marriage is working out so beautifully. May God continue to reward your hard work and devotion.
However I would caution those reading to note that you married at 18 and are now 26. That is only 8 years. Plus you are pointing out that it has been “Hard Work” and that, “its no walk in the park…”. With at least 5 children you have a long road ahead of you.
I don’t say this to belittle you, your spouse or your marriage. Only to recognize the limited time frame. You seem to live in the “present moment”, as Mother Angelica describes it, and that is a beautiful thing.

my one argument to waiting is that i know plenty of people that waited till they had “LIVED” and at 40 are splitting up. when you wait you sometimes are too much your own person and never fully become one at heart. Most of the people that are older when they marry are extremely selfish and its hard for them to “die unto one self” in order to give themselves fully to their spouse. Age is relative!

This is very well put.
Unfortunately in my case it was the opposite. I got married too young. I was 18 years and 12 days old on the day of the wedding. While I thought at the time that I was ready, I now know that my character was incompletely formed, and the same can be said of my first wife. While we had a sense of feeling “grown up” and “understood” what marriage is from watching our parents, we didn’t understand in the true and mature sense of the word. We were too caught up in other things (like lust).

After 19 years I/we finally called it quits. We had both quit the church and so there just was nothing more to be done. I remarried - at 38, a wonderful, mature woman (16 years older than me) who fits me and I her as though we were made excusively for each other. We never argue, and rarely even disagree.
Then 5 years ago she was diagnosed with Alzheimers. This last year we were reconciled to the Church, and rely on God’s love and providence to see us through.
Caring for her is now my full time job, and in my spare time it’s my hobby. (That’s what I tell her). She forgets that we are married, but never forgets that I am her special person whom she trusts implicetly.

Sorry for the ramble.
The point is, as you alude to, age is relative but so is maturity. I know people who at 50 years old are still immature boys in their minds. I know youngsters who display wisdome well beyond their years.
I still believe that 17 is too young, and particularly in the case of the OP because of the distances and other factors. They need time for this relationship to mature and for them to discern their true feelings.

Merry Christmas
James


#38

I don’t understand why anyone would want to marry at 17. As for the OP, I am not clear on something…have you 2 met in person yet???
Kathy


#39

I am very happy for you that your marriage is working out so beautifully. May God continue to reward your hard work and devotion.
However I would caution those reading to note that you married at 18 and are now 26. That is only 8 years. Plus you are pointing out that it has been “Hard Work” and that, “its no walk in the park…”. With at least 5 children you have a long road ahead of you.
I don’t say this to belittle you, your spouse or your marriage. Only to recognize the limited time frame. You seem to live in the “present moment”, as Mother Angelica describes it, and that is a beautiful thing.

my one argument to waiting is that i know plenty of people that waited till they had “LIVED” and at 40 are splitting up. when you wait you sometimes are too much your own person and never fully become one at heart. Most of the people that are older when they marry are extremely selfish and its hard for them to “die unto one self” in order to give themselves fully to their spouse. Age is relative!

This is very well put.
Unfortunately in my case it was the opposite. I got married too young. I was 18 years and 12 days old on the day of the wedding. While I thought at the time that I was ready, I now know that my character was incompletely formed, and the same can be said of my first wife. While we had a sense of feeling “grown up” and “understood” what marriage is from watching our parents, we didn’t understand in the true and mature sense of the word. We were too caught up in other things (like lust).

After 19 years I/we finally called it quits. We had both quit the church and so there just was nothing more to be done. I remarried - at 38, a wonderful, mature woman (16 years older than me) who fits me and I her as though we were made excusively for each other. We never argue, and rarely even disagree.
Then 5 years ago she was diagnosed with Alzheimers. This last year we were reconciled to the Church, and rely on God’s love and providence to see us through.
Caring for her is now my full time job, and in my spare time it’s my hobby. (That’s what I tell her). She forgets that we are married, but never forgets that I am her special person whom she trusts implicetly.

Sorry for the ramble.
The point is, as you alude to, age is relative but so is maturity. I know people who at 50 years old are still immature boys in their minds. I know youngsters who display wisdome well beyond their years.
I still believe that 17 is too young, and particularly in the case of the OP because of the distances and other factors. They need time for this relationship to mature and for them to discern their true feelings.

Merry Christmas
James


#40

If I had had the means, I would have married at 18.

When you know your vocation and your purpose in life, you are willing to work, change and sacrifice for it.

People join the military and go to war with the same conviction, they begin 4-12yr sentences in school for law or medicine with that conviction, they join the seminary with the same solid feeling of know what is to come.

Of course, you do have that percentage of people who commit and have no idea what is to come…not sure how that happens really.

Still, I think it was on God’s time for us so I am very happy.


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