Is a child who becomes an adult responsible for creating a relationship with a parent who has always been absent?


#1

What does scripture say in regards to a child who becomes an adult who is still bothered by the absenteeism of a biological parent who never sought to be be in their lives?

Is the child held responsible by God for creating a relationship with the biological parent?


#2

Scripture (and therefore the Church) says we are to honor our parents. I do not believe anything is said regarding having a relationship with the parents. Now, having a relationship with a parent is probably the most common context for showing honor to a parent but I don’t think it needs to be the only context.


#3

It's very hard to honor some people who make it nearly impossible to love them. Sometimes the best you can do is not to dishonor them. I've had to deal with a very very difficult relationship and honestly, sometimes keeping your distance is a REQUIREMENT of honoring them! Because the closer you get, the more you enable bad behavior and that's not honoring. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. It really needed to be said thrice. At the same time, if someone truly repents, I would (cautiously!) offer a hand of friendship.


#4

Christian4life,

it's like I'm reading my own story. The answer: I'd try and see if the person is willing to make an effort as well. If not - then you did what you could and there are no more obligations.

And I hear you about boundaries. My case is exactly the same and boundaries are always crossed. So the only way to keep my sanity is to walk away and 'honour' my father from a healthy distance.


#5

[quote="OnlyHeIsHoly, post:1, topic:241068"]
What does scripture say in regards to a child who becomes an adult who is still bothered by the absenteeism of a biological parent who never sought to be be in their lives?

Is the child held responsible by God for creating a relationship with the biological parent?

[/quote]

Why would God ask such a thing of us? That person is a stranger to you, even though there is a biological relationship. Your biological parent was in no way a mother or father to you, nor even a friend.

If you need to work through that hurt and pain, go for counseling about it. You can forgive that person and that would be a form of "honoring" them or at least the role he or she might have played had they chosen to. And IF you feel strong enough, you could perhaps send a friendly card once in a while. But I do not believe you are under any obligation to create a relationship with someone who has wanted no part in your life.

You will be in my prayers.


#6

[quote="OnlyHeIsHoly, post:1, topic:241068"]
What does scripture say in regards to a child who becomes an adult who is still bothered by the absenteeism of a biological parent who never sought to be be in their lives?

Is the child held responsible by God for creating a relationship with the biological parent?

[/quote]

No.


#7

[quote="OnlyHeIsHoly, post:1, topic:241068"]
What does scripture say in regards to a child who becomes an adult who is still bothered by the absenteeism of a biological parent who never sought to be be in their lives?

Is the child held responsible by God for creating a relationship with the biological parent?

[/quote]

The first step is to reconcile your feelings and achieve closure (and forgiveness) yourself. Then decide what you want to do. It is entirely up to you, and not an obligation.


#8

Exactly. It is incredibly frustrating when you finally get up the nerve to tell someone how you are feeling, how you have felt for years, and they simply don’t answer you at all. They pretend you never said anything. No apology, no denial…just nothing.


#9

Or an accusation that it was all your fault that caused that person’s behaviour in the first place. :rolleyes: Yup, that’s what I get.


#10

my oldest daughter is in this situation. Her father really hasn't had anything to do with her for many many years. He did attend her hs graduation and then indicated to her that she needed to make the effort to connect with him. She has texted and e-mailed him but about a year ago he was visiting near her college with her grandparents. Neither her grandparents or her father contacted her. When she found out that he had been in the area, his excuse was he didn't know if she could drive (she was 18 at the time and he knew she could drive as she had her license when she graduated high school). And even if she couldn't drive he was in the area, he couldn't invite her out to lunch or dinner. I don't get it. She is really upset and really has nothing to do with him. I have tried to help but have also just come against a wall.


#11

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