Is acting on sexual fetishes sinful?


#1

I realise no thought in and of itself is inherently sinful. I realise masturbation is a sin, all the time, and pornography or using anything to sexually stimulate oneself outside of the marriage bed is sinful, all the time.

But within the context of marriage, is it sinful for a man to indulge in his sexual fetishes, if the woman agrees to it? Let’s say a couple role-play as Mario and Princess Peach before they go to bed. Or they don a couple of fur suits and pretend they are furries/anthropomorphs. Or let’s say one of them likes gigantic breasts, and the other likes to be handcuffed to the bed. Or whatever strange things cross the minds of two sexual beings.

At what point does a fetish cross the line from being an act of love within marriage to being an act against love? Would it be ill-advised, for example, to marry someone who has gigantic breasts if you have a fetish for just such a thin? Would it be a good idea for such a man to seek out a flat-chested woman instead?

In short, when do fetishes work with God? Can they? Or do they work against His Will in the marriage bed?


#2

This is a complex area and I fear the conversation will get into overly specific examples, but I have a few thoughts.

If a man likes large breasts, should he avoid marrying a woman with large breasts? No. God made man to be attracted by breasts; it is a properly ordered experience of male sexuality.

If that same man marries a woman with large breasts, but is so fixated on them that he objectifies her, then he has crossed a line. Her dignity as a person always comes before her physical attractiveness. But if he merely enjoys the fact that she has large breasts, and treats her with dignity also, then there’s nothing wrong.

Other examples I am less accepting of - eg role playing. In marriage, I see no acceptable way of pretending that your spouse is someone (or something) else in the conjugal act. It is a form of mental adultery in my opinion. Such a fetish should not be indulged.

On the other hand, wearing certain clothing (eg lingerie, a particular dress) because you find each other attractive in it is fine (without any roleplaying aspect, unless perhaps the roles you are playing are your own anyway).

Any other examples need to be worked through in similar ways:
a) do I respect the dignity of my spouse in this?
b) am I mental faithful to my spouse, or does this make me think of someone (something) else?

It is worth noting that the term “fetish” can have a few meanings. It can be merely something in particular that someone enjoys (eg a particular body part of your spouse, a particular piece of clothing they wear) and it is not a problem. Or it can be a diagnosable mental disorder; an unhealthy fixation that needs to be avoided and even treated.


#3

I am pretty sure that as long as it is with your spouse, you are free to explore sex together, as long as no one is being abused or objectified.


#4

If a fetish leads you to sin with someone who is not your wife, then avoid it, otherwise you have freedom in Christ — we are to do all things as if we are doing them unto the Lord or something like that.


#5

Some fetishes can lead to sin with your spouse as well.


#6

It must be done in a Holy manner though. As should all of our co creation activity with God.


#7

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