Is anyone else married to an anti-Catholic fundamentalist?


#1

Hello.

I am married to an an ex-Catholic, now Catholic hating, fundamentalist. (we have been married 8 years and have 4 young children). We have frequent blow-ups over the things he is teaching the children. He reads to them daily from the Bible and preaches his view of scripture to them. He is forbidding me from raising the children Catholic, although they do attend Mass with me. However, they cannot received any sacraments. I have been dealing with this for some three years now. When we married, we were both Catholic. This whole situation has been most heartbreaking, as you can well imagine. Any advice on how to be the best wife I can be in this very difficult situation? I would appreciate it. God bless.


#2

What happened that caused him to change so drastically?


#3

I would talk to my priest. Find out if you need his permission for the children to receive the Sacraments. Personally, it is one area that I would not let anyone dictate. I am a divorced (soon-to-be annulled for lack of form) mother of 3. It is written in my divorce decree that the children may not attend any church other than the Roman Catholic Church and he must let me have them on all days of obligation, barring every other Sunday (his weekends). Since I homeschool, I take them to Mass during the week. My ex is not Catholic, perhaps not even Christian, but when we entered into marriage he agreed the children would be raised Catholic. He wanted rid of me more than saying where the kids went to church, I guess. He knew I wouldn’t budge. Sometimes we have to stand up for what is right. And pray for the Lord to change his heart. BTW, I was once a fundamentalist although not anti-Catholic. The one thing I brought with me is the belief in the power of prayer.

Anyway, I will pray for you, your husband and your children.


#4

Put them in ccd and take them to Mass. Teach as he does and show him in errer. The less they are around him the better if he is shoving you away from them. I hope he is not abusive towardes you it sounds as though this may be the case. I could be wrong.:mad:


#5

Your husband promised to accept children lovingly from God and to raise them as Catholics. If he is willing to break that vow, what other vows will be next?

Prayers that you find peace.


#6

I would ask as well, what made him change? Was in the prosperity gospel BS? or was it the lies perpetuated by many fundamentalist? My guess is that he really didn’t understand his Catholic Faith or he would have been able to defend it against these as most of the answers are pretty easy.

Has he ever been to CA? I would suggest that you approach him and remind him of the OATH (people don’t like to use that but it’s correct), the OATH he took before God to raise his children Catholic and that breaking that vow because of something he was told by a 200 year old protestant group (I’m assuming they are dispensationalist - which that theory of Biblical interpretation is only 200 years old and based upon a dream - mainline protestants and the reformers do not adhere to that interpretation, although some don’t understand that since it’s so prevalent in mainstream media) vs the 2000 year old Catholic Church, he needs to explore all options, as I can’t believe he understood his faith.

As a former Protestant I was raised in a pretty anti-Catholic Fundamentalist Church, I left it in HS because of all the lies and became Presbyterian (was a Youth Director for a while and almost became a Minister). After years of having a few issues with Reformed Theology, I found those answers in Catholic Doctrine. The beauty and the sense the CCC and the Church in general makes of the ENTIRE Bible is something that no protestant group can compare to. Sure they can pick a verse here and there and try to say it means something to support their view but when they do that it often causes a misinterpretation somewhere else they don’t want to go with.

For instance… and this one is way out there, but growing up I was told that when Christ called His mother “woman” is was a rebuke and that if Christ would rebuke His mother in front of people then we shouldn’t hold her in high regard. What is the GLARING problem with that statement? Christ was perfect and Christ was Jewish… rebuking His mother in front of others would have been disrespectful and therefore would have broken one of the 10 Commandments… this can not be the case if you hold Christ as perfect. Thus there must be an answer right? The answer of course is easy if you look at John’s Gospel compared to the others… it’s very metaphysical. As Christ was about to start his ministry at the Wedding feast (turning water into wine) he denotes His mother as “woman” because of Genesis 3:15 to tie the Gospel back to the Old Testament. This would have been obviously to anyone at the time and is to those reading the original language but often not to people reading only in English trying to prove their version is correct and everyone else is wrong.

I would encourage your husband to think about his Oath and read Born Fundamentalist Born Again Catholic by David Curre, Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn and in the mean time check out www.catholicbridge.com for some quick answers.

BTW, my family and most of my wife’s family are Baptist (Fundamentalist), her Grandfather was a Baptist Minister and her Cousin’s husband is one now and my best Friend is an Evangelical… we all get along, while I haven’t gotten any to convert yet, none have been able to prove our Faith is not the correct Faith, more importantly, many have truly come to understand that their misconceptions about Catholics were just that… misconceptions. My friend has ask that I come speak to his Bible Study group to help them better understand as well because it’s important that we, as Christians, all stand together.

That’s not to say people can’t get to Heaven as Protestants, I believe like the Pope that many will find Salvation, but I believe we have the Fullness of Truth. If your husband can come to understand that, he won’t want to give it up!

You are in my prayers!
Joe


#7

Your husband promised to accept children lovingly from God and to raise them as Catholics. If he is willing to break that vow, what other vows will be next?

just what i was thinking.

does your husband understand that he has violently broken*** the ***most sacred trust with you?

open Scripture to Hosea and put it in his lap. your husband has betrayed you.


#8

Please don't take this questions as me trying to insinuate that this marriage is invalid; I'm not doing that at all, BUT...

I was wondering, though, from purely a legalistic perspective, could one spouse backing out on raising the kids be Catholic grounds for an annulment? Just curious...


#9

Apostasy after marriage would not be grounds for annullment, since anullments can only address situations which existed at the time of the marriage. IIRC, It used to be that apostasy was grounds for permanent seperation, but not for remarriage.


#10

[quote="Marla3cs, post:1, topic:192343"]
Hello.

I am married to an an ex-Catholic, now Catholic hating, fundamentalist. (we have been married 8 years and have 4 young children). We have frequent blow-ups over the things he is teaching the children. He reads to them daily from the Bible and preaches his view of scripture to them. He is forbidding me from raising the children Catholic, although they do attend Mass with me. However, they cannot received any sacraments. I have been dealing with this for some three years now. When we married, we were both Catholic. This whole situation has been most heartbreaking, as you can well imagine. Any advice on how to be the best wife I can be in this very difficult situation? I would appreciate it. God bless.

[/quote]

Sorry to hear this. When I left Catholicism I understood that it was I that changed. My wife married me with the expectation that I'd stay Catholic. So I bring our daughter to Church, if my wife can't, and I still do all the Catholic stuff with her (grace before meals, etc). I tread softly, because I don't want to disturb the tranquility of that portion of our lives.

Hopefully, your husband can transcend his anger and see this.


#11

Indeed, if you were married on the Catholic Church, he *Vowed * he would accept children and bring them up in the church. He is breaking a vow he made to you before God.

I will pray for you, your husband, and your children.


#12

[quote="jilly4ski, post:11, topic:192343"]
Indeed, if you were married on the Catholic Church, he *Vowed * he would accept children and bring them up in the church. He is breaking a vow he made to you before God.

[/quote]

Where is this vow in the marriage ceremony?


#13

A marriage ceremony is all about vows.

Catholics vow to “accept children lovingly from God”

When we baptize those children, we renew our vow to raise them in the Faith.


#14

Hello, what exactly is he saying to them about the Bible interpretation?
Does he go to a Christian church?
A reputable Christian religion shouldn’t put down other religions, maybe you could speak to his pastor …


#15

I am married to an anti-Catholic woman - though I have at least gotten her to think about becoming a Catholic and she is allowing me to raise our children Catholic. However, we used to fight terribly about the Church, and I've often thought carefully about this issue.

First, as you well know, you have a grave duty to your children - but also to your husband.

Your husband's activities are threatening your children's eternal souls. By depriving them of the sacraments and, worse, filling their minds with hatered towards the Church, your children will suffer grieviously - and possibly eternally. While your husband has the first responsibility for this terrible sin, why should you stand by and let him do this to them? You cannot control your husband, but you can control your own actions.

What I would do in your place is prepare yourself for battle, and it's a battle for your children's souls *- because that is what might be stake. *This process should take no more than two weeks.**

Step 1: Find and retain a good lawyer, preferably a Catholic one who knows what is at stake. The lawyer should have at least 5 years of full time family law experience. Find out your rights. Prepare yourself to file for divorce in a manner that maximizes your chances to retain custody. Do this without informing your husband. Don't get divorced yet! You are simply preparing yourself for battle so that if you do have to fall back to divorce you will be ready ahead of time.

Step 2: Learn. Research Catholic.com here, and talk to the apologists - yes, you can call them and talk to them. Find out how to answer your husband's false claims about scripture and the church. Practice how to debate, gently, with someone else on these issues.

Step 3: Confront your husband, keeping in mind that your first goal is to help him to come back to the Church. Tell him straight up, but gently, that what he is doing is endangering both his own soul and those of your children. Tell him that you will discuss his issues with him. Do everything you can to stay calm, without yelling or getting into his anger. Otherwise, you will be falling into the same sin of anger.

Attempt to get him into marriage counseling.

Think this is all too hard and difficult? Think about the suffering your children will undergo in this life, and worse yet the next. Where the stakes are eternal, the dedication in this life must be total.

Ultimately, the last card when all else fails is to tell him that while he can take risks with his own soul, you will not allow him to endanger the souls of your children. If you get to this point, you must know that he will likely reject your ultimatum and you will be in a divorce situation. Therefore, make this the last possible statement after everything else has failed. For example, if he threatens divorce first - then sidestep the issue and tell him truthfully that you don't want to get divorced but that you must resolve this issue with him. Try to avoid the ultimatum on the first or even second confrontation - remember, your goal is to get him to turn around. This will be very, very hard.

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, attempting to divorce is gravely wrong; however, separation may be allowed under grave circumstances. Divorce itself is impossible (though an annullment MIGHT be - but don't count on it). Therefore, be prepared to be single for the rest of your life.

Your husband permanently depriving your children of access to the sacraments and engendering hatred towards the Church is, in my opinion, grave justification for such separation. However, you should not take my word for it. Seek counseling from an orthodox priest.

If you are forced to separate, then immediately file for divorce and custody in conjunction with your lawyer. Since you are prepared, you will have an advantage. If he files for divorce first, then you will already be prepared. If you do fight, you must fight to win; accept no settlement that does not involve primary custody for you. It is highly likely the secular courts will grant you both joint custody, so he can still preach his filth, but at least if you have primary physical custody you can provide a home where love of the Church and the sacraments is strong. And you will have to do that - like, requiring a rosary a day from your kids and setting up a shrine to Mary in your house. You will need solid catechesis to keep your husband's poison from winning over the kids.

This is a terrible situation you are in. I have been in it - and to date have been blessed by my wife coming around (or at least not impeding my daugthter's access to the sacraments). However, I have been through divorce before (first marriage declared null by the Church), and I know what I'm talking about. It's very horrible and painful and I wish it for no one.

However, when the stakes are the souls of your children, sometimes you have to be willing to stand up, put yourself on the line, and fight with all your strength.

I will pray for you. Please feel free to PM me if you wish.

God Bless


#16

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