I’ve concluded that I’m an Asexual which is why the Abstinence trip is easy for me. My issue is according to the church, Homo/Bisexuality are both sinful. The thing is though, Asexuality means that a person does NOT experience sexual attraction, and thanks to everybody saying “Go have sex. It’s awesome.” or “You’re a 20 year old male. Of course your sexually attracted to someone, you just haven’t found her yet.” and other stuff I don’t like, I have become repulsed and even terrified of sex. So, according to this article, I’m sinning for not being willing to provide consent.
Is this article correct? If it is, does that mean Asexuality is sinful?
You don’t diagnose Asexuality. Asexuality isn’t a disease or a mental disability. It’s a sexual orientation like Homosexuality, Bisexuality and Heterosexuality.
HETERO__sexuality = Sexual attraction to a person of the opposite gender
HOMO__sexuality = Sexual attraction to a person of the same gender
BI__sexuality = Sexual attraction to a person of either gender
A__sexuality = Lack of sexual attraction to any person regardless of gender. It is common for Sexual activity to be replaced with Sensual activity.
My only guess would be a confusion between asexuality, which is an orientation, and “loss/lack of libido/desire”, which can be caused by hormonal imbalances or other medical conditions.
To the OP, I don’t think asexuality itself is sinful, just like other orientations are not sinful in and of themselves. If you are single, it could even be beneficial in living chastely.
The time when sin might enter the equation, and what the article is referring to, would be denying your spouse sex within marriage, but that applies to heterosexuals as well.
People make mistakes in this area all the time; human sexuality is complicated. A quick bit of research will show that there are pathological conditions (hormonal imbalances, psychological conditions, for example) that are often confused with non-pathological asexuality. I don’t see a reason not to consult an expert, unless it’s not covered/you can’t afford it.
I have a Libido but I am terrified of having sex and repulsed by the sight for lots of reasons, the main two are of course what I mentioned in the beginning. Sexual Attraction from what I’ve heard and read is where you want to have sex with someone, and the mere sight of a woman (or man) turns the person on. That has never applied to me, ever in my life.
The difference though between Asexual couples and Heterosexual couples is that most of the time (not always), Heterosexual couples are both into sex, and because they have no repulsion, it’s easy to give consent. But with Asexual couples, not only are they uninterested, but they don’t typically like it, and usually are also repulsed by it.
I actually have a Girlfriend, and I’m pretty sure she’s heterosexual. So, my issue is that if we were to get married and she wants sex, I, being the Asexual, would be forbidden to say no. I would have to give consent or else I’d end up in a sinful state. So, the only way around this is basically never asking her to marry me. That’s a problem because I actually want to get married some day, and she has gained my trust and respect, and I do love her (despite being too terrified to tell her:blush:) but with this rule, if I want to be happy, I can only marry another Asexual.
I actually have a Girlfriend, and I’m pretty sure she’s heterosexual. So, my issue is that if we were to get married and she wants sex, I, being the Asexual, would be forbidden to say no. I would have to give consent or else I’d end up in a sinful state. So, the only way around this is basically never asking her to marry me. That’s a problem because I actually want to get married some day, and she has gained my trust and respect, and I do love her (despite being too terrified to tell her) but with this rule, if I want to be happy, I can only marry another Asexual.
The fact you are in a relationship and one day want to be married suggests your situation may be more complex than you think.
Marriage is inherently sexual; it is a man and woman coming together bodily to (if it is the will of God) procreate a family via sexual activity. Without the sexual activity, there can be no marriage.
If you had no desire to be married and were ok with your state in life, there would be no need to further investigate it. But if you imagine marriage in your future, it is crucial to determine what that state is really about.
The thing is, that my hormones are working fine. Aside from having Nocturnal Enuresis, everything else is perfectly normal.
And to add, not trying to be rude, but saying my testosterone levels, and hormone levels are abnormal is part of why I am repulsed at the thought of sex. Only a few people including but not limited to my friends on the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) forum understand that I am perfectly normal. Asexuality is in fact a Sexual orientation, not a hormonal imbalance or anything else.
I have another take on this: in a society that is drenched in sexuality: fashion, media, entertainment, expectations, “open” dialogue amongst way too many, sexual references, sexual overtones and inferences, my reaction often is to pull away from the exaggerated openness and live a much more chaste life. Some have called me asexual but As a part of nature I feel very female, very attracted to men, have dated and fallen in love with lovely men who probably welcomed my lack of obvious sexual manipulation, the obviousness has always been a turnoff to me. I am also an introvert by nature.
Who was it that said that a saint exaggerates what is missing in society? Perhaps you are very sexual but not living up to our society’s facade of openness. We have high levels of sexual assault and abuse, infertility, abortion, depression, anxiety, and not much room for children. Perhaps the standard of what is sexual has gone askew.
My conclusion so far is that God created a big world. If all of us wandered around with potent hormones, it might get a bit more dangerous than it already is. Learn more about yourself and your health. Talk openly but carefully with the girlfriend. Don’t conclude anything about yourselves yet. Pray and learn, but try not to judge yourself against our crazy culture. You might be more close to sanity than most.
I don’t think anyone here has a bias about your orientation. No one is saying that one explanation makes you normal, and the other is abnormal. You may well be completely asexual, and due to no pathological conditions. And that’s completely fine. But please don’t get offended that some of us are recommending that you investigate whether you do have one of the aforementioned conditions. If you have no bias, it shouldn’t matter what the finding is, right?
Christian, as a practicing psychiatrist let me say. If there is anything over the centuries that the Catholic Church has shown the world is that it has one of the poorest understandings of the human mind (Not soul, I’m not looking for a barrage of Aristotelian theory) around.
Asexuality is indeed a real verifiable orientation (there are actually response tests that we can use sometimes to prove it) thought to exist in about 1 in every hundred people.
It might be too early to say if you are, some people just have a very low to non existent libido just like you get individuals with very high sex drives.
There is one thing I should mention though, obviously I’m not an asexual but from my experience working with them they generally are disinterested in rather than repulsed by sexual acts. They won’t be disturbed watching porn for instance, they’ll just have no interest in it. I would try and consider the other reasons that might be causing you to feel frightened about sex, there are several anonymous hotlines and websites designed for asking about this kind of thing.asexuality.org/en/
Physically it seems like you are healthy in that area, so presumably that’s not a problem.
The reason perhaps that some are questioning your self-diagnosis of asexuality is that you say you are repulsed and terrifed of sex. This seems closer to a phobia than the mere disinterest the word asexual implies, and why I would suggest this might not be asexuality but something else for which, if you want to marry a non-asexual woman, you might want to consider options.
The requirement in marriage is that the reasonable needs/desires of the spouse be filled in this area. If both spouses agree and remain in agreement to abstain, this is not a problem as I, random stranger on the internet, understand it. This is all something you might want to enquire of a moral theolgian.
What does your girlfriend think about all this?
ETA: Did not see second page of replies… sorry for repetition!