I’m just asking this because I feel curious and if what I thinking is right. I know we all had crushes on someone and were friend zoned or rejected by them.
I think it’s more of nature’s way… If someone rejects you, then I’m guessing they don’t have romantic feelings for you. A relationship like that would certainly fail, or at least be very unhealthy.
I used to date a guy in undergrad seriously for several years. Then we broke up, because he was interested in two other girls, and that was when I discovered he hadn’t ever broken up with his old high school girlfriend. There were a couple of guys in my major who I liked as friends, and was thinking about getting to know better. Guy #1, instead, was completely obsessed with some other girl; and Guy #2 never gave me any encouragement that he wanted to see if our relationship could go beyond just hanging-out-friends.
So I ended up developing a relationship with Guy #3, because he expressed interest in me, and I was like, “Well, why not get to know you better and see where this goes?”
Eventually, Guy #1 and the girl he crushed on broke up. Guy #1 suddenly remembered that I was a fun person to hang out with, and leaned on me to help nurse his broken heart… but I did it as strictly-friends, because I was dating Guy #3. He dropped lots of hints, but nope, I was dating Guy #3.
Eventually, we all graduated. I ended up marrying Guy #3. Guy #1 is living with someone, but I don’t think they’re married. I don’t know if Guy #2 ever developed a relationship with anyone. My original boyfriend ended up marrying a totally different person than either of the two people he dumped me for or his original high school girlfriend, who he was cheating on with me, unbeknownst to me.
But that would be an example about how, out of eight? different relationships, only two of them ended up in anything permanent. If I had ended up marrying my original serious boyfriend, it wouldn’t have been healthy for either of us. Guy #1 and I were both interested in considering each other, but our interest was never mutual… the timing was always wrong. Guy #1 also would have preferred to have married his original crush, but they took things too far, and it cratered their relationship. Guy #2 was a good guy as a friend, but had zero romantic interest in me, and had zero interest in being my rebound boyfriend. Guy #3 and I were both interested in each other— and it worked out, and I look forward to it continue to keep working out.
But there was a lot of angst, drama, and heartache along the way.
That thinking is probably not right. As Catholics we often thinks that “God has a plan” and “there’s a reason for everything” means that there’s mysterious double meaning to everything. Sometimes the reason is just the obvious, she/he doesn’t like you in that way.
That said, I do remember God asking me to get a better handle on myself before considering having a girlfriend (which is good advice by the way). So if you feel that you can’t have a holy relationship right now then by all means don’t try to. God speaks to us in those ways too–our thoughts and feelings.
Edited to add something I forgot: It seems that a lot of men who get classified as “creepy” have this sort of mind set: That the women want them, but they just don’t know it yet, or are unwilling to give them a chance. That’s a bad, bad, bad way to think. This sort of question boarders on that sort of thinking. People say no because they mean no. And you MUST respect that.
God doesn’t direct the minutia of our lives.
If someone isn’t interested it just means they aren’t interested.
Sounds like the poster in this case is female.
Is it God’s way of protecting us from being in a wrong relationship?
No. The other person has free will and is acting on his or her own.
However, it often happens that the rejected one is better off because of the rejection. When the dust settles, a better relationship or another life choice might be revealed.
Is it just me, or do kids today have a way harder time dealing with rejection? And are looking for deep dark meanings for anything.
You have a crush, you reach out, you get accepted or rejected,
If you get rejected it stings, but you really can move on.
The world is filled with so many people. You can’t rise or fall on the approval of just one person.
And consciously or subconsciously, we friend-zone people constantly. You start a new job or a new class—how many people land on your radar as potential dates? You’ve prolly weeded most of these new acquaintances out at first glance.
I do feel like some guys are not able to handle rejection well these days. I even heard extreme cases of this on the news as well.
I’ve seen teenage girls positively derail when their love interest doesn’t love them back, I mean, like triggering psychiatric symptoms.
Haha haha lucky you. God sure hasn’t protected me then. Maybe God only protects a chosen few.
Its just life - people forget its the tough moments in life that make you who you are not the happy moments - in what we say and how we react determine who we are - if God has anything to do with it - it would be for us to learn from it.
Boyfriends and girlfriends are a dime a dozen there are billions of them out there don’t get hung up on a dead end move on and forget it.
In my 20’s I was dating a guy that grew up in Catholic schools but was an unbeliever. Then I became a believer. I came into the Church. That long term relationship immediately fell apart.
Every morning I took God’s hand to start the day. I did not know if I was going to be married in the future or not but I told God that I trust you with my future. I prayed for my future husband every day, often multiple times, got in my prayer zone and asked that God guide him today, protect him from harm, help him to make good and holy choices.
I told God I was serious about having a Catholic marriage. I told God that if a guy was not actively attending Church and going to the sacraments, there would be no second date. I went on dates, there were no second dates. So what does a person do? Say a prayer of thanksgiving. A prayer of confidence that God who loves us is walking with us. It’s a time, like all through our lives, where we get to say Jesus I trust in you. I will praise you and bless you today and all my life.
So when you find a special someone who gets your attention and they put you in the friend zone, you take that to prayer and stand on the rock of faith. Praise and bless the Lord, thank him for his kindness, especially in disappointments. This applies to our whole life and singleness is only one of these areas of life that we can experience disappointment. Jesus I love you. Jesus you are my rock and my eyes are fixed on you.
Lord I want to honor you with my singleness, with my dating, with my married life. Help me to be faithful to that.
Many could say that getting friend zoned is just the natural course of life. We as Catholics have the opportunity to make it super natural. Make it a time of grace, of faith.
It’s just you. Rejection has been a big deep issue for people of all ages (not just youth) for centuries. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t have literature like “The Sorrows of Young Werther”.
I was rejected by my crush objects a number of times all through high school as I was looking for more of a “relationship” than most guys were at that age, and I was absolutely miserable about that. It definitely had an effect on my life. That was 40 years ago.
I do think it affects some people more strongly than others. My mother for example was not really interested in having relationships with guys until she was way up into her 20s and 30s. She explained to me that she had a lot of girlfriends in high school who would get into a big romance with a boy, get engaged, and then he would go off to war (WWII was going on) and the girl was left to wait at home to see if he would make it back alive/ in one piece, and in the meantime the girl couldn’t go out dancing or have any kind of fun because she was waiting for the guy she was promised to, etc. My mother didn’t want to be in that situation, she wanted to have fun and not be committed to anybody.
In my definition, a “crush” is somebody you never even dated. And to get hung up over this seems like a really bad idea.
But I do see these girls going waay overboard in their emotional responses to the guy not like-liking them back, and in cases where he didn’t even lead them on. It was all a fantasy in their own head.
Being “friend zoned” is just Reality’s way of telling you that your emotions got ahead of the actual relationship you have. It happens.
I suppose it is Divine Mercy when not every smitten, infatuated lovesick heart finds a reciprocating smitten, infatuated lovesick heart to have a prematurely intimate relationship with. There is that. Still, sometimes luck runs out and they do find each other. Sometimes it ends with them telling their story to a newspaper 60 years later, but most of the time, not so much.
Being friend zoned or rejected, is more nature’s way… as was said earlier.
However, when you’re making arrangements to meet up, and her boyfriend…that you didn’t know about…walks in the restaurant… just maybe the holy spirit’s looking after you and preventing a bad relationship…just sayin.
God is alwyas wathcing over us. But to make a blanket statement such as yours is getting to rigid…Somethimes we need to let go and just trust the process without holding on tighly to every last detail
‘Is being friend zoned or rejected by your love interest God’s way of protecting us from being in a wrong relationship?’
It doesn’t have to be, but it may well be.
Chev: God, please, let it work out, finally, already, not like the 357894 cases before.
Chev: God, please…
2 weeks later:
Chev: God, thanks for not letting it work out, just like all the 357894 cases before.
Chev: Yes, I know.
But I also pray if she were to be happier with someone else or alone, if that were to be better for her (mostly thinking about salvation as the no. 1 important thing), then let her be with someone else, or alone, I concede. There is no reason to think God isn’t listening to these prayers as well, granting exactly the boons I’m asking of Him.