Is being hugged for comfort dangerous?

As a single man who sometimes feel depressed or anxious, I tend to like the idea of getting a girlfriend who’ll comfort me and wrap her arms around me as I lay my head on her shoulder or chest. Something like that would certainly make me feel protected and loved, but is it selfish or lustful for me to want that?

No

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Considering your other thread

It may in fact be dangerous for you.

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Max. If you have depression or anxiety, a girlfriend cannot fix it and it is wrong to put your happiness on someone else’s shoulders.

If you have depression or anxiety, speak to a qualified mental health professional who can help you deal with your issues and get to a healthy mental state where you will be able to be an equal partner in a relationship.

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I think it’s a normal human thing to want affectionate healthy touch, but yeah, that’s not necessarily available to everyone at any time.

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It’s normal to want physical touch. It’s a human need so much so that children for example can die without it. If you don’t have a girlfriend you can seek out hugs from friends or family or even a pet. Nothing wrong with having a girlfriend or wanting physical touch with a girlfriend as long as you realize it won’t solve your problems. It is normal to want a partner in life.

I hugged a woman at work years ago. Now she’s my wife.

But seriously, no. A lot of people hug for comfort in a non lustful way. And I’m not talking about side hugs either. You hug family, don’t you? (Pre-covid that is)

For a while, I’ve been trying to suppress my lustful or sexual thoughts and desires, but it keeps coming back and I feel overwhelmed and frustrated at myself. Despite me praying, this problem keeps persisting. Part of me wants to stop being so preoccupied about liking the female body, but the other part of me wants to let myself admire it while trying not to lust (which seems almost impossible). I just feel like I’m playing with fire at this point and I don’t know what to do. I feel bad.

For a while, I’ve been trying to suppress my lustful or sexual thoughts and desires, but it keeps coming back and I feel overwhelmed and frustrated at myself. Despite me praying, this problem keeps persisting. Part of me wants to stop being so preoccupied about liking the female body, but the other part of me wants to let myself admire it while trying not to lust (which seems almost impossible). I just feel like I’m playing with fire at this point and I don’t know what to do. I feel bad.

It’s normal to have sexual desires and it’s normal to be attracted to the female body. While I understand not wanting to give in, you shouldn’t let it preoccupy you so much that you lose peace. The female body is beautiful but I’d say it’s best not to be staring at women’s bodies unless maybe it’s a piece of art or your wife. There are a lot of other beautiful things in the world you can focus on. Why are you so worried and preoccupied with finding the female body attractive or having natural desires?

“This kind cometh not out except by prayer & fasting !”
Try not to eat unless you’re pretty hungry, that should help

‘Above all, we must be especially alert against the beginnings of temptation, for the enemy is more easily conquered if he is refused admittance to the mind and is met beyond the threshold when he knocks.’ - The Imitation of Christ

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I just don’t understand why exactly sexual desires is okay if Lust isn’t. I need to know what exactly is sexual desire. I’m familiar with what lust is, but what makes sexual desires different? Is it wrong for a single person to have that kind of stuff?

You already have another thread on this topic. Have you spoken with your priest?

Nah. I would talk to a priest but it’s rare I’m able to do so. All I can do is talk to a friend of my who used to be a monk, as well as doing my own research.

Sexual desires are natural and they are not something you can necessarily you control. God made you with sexual desires because sex is good and necessary to make babies. It’s good and normal that you want sex sometimes and that you are attracted to women. Lust may be indulging those desires in bad ways. It’s not so great to be staring at a women’s body who is not your significant other. It may not be good to indulge those desires by fantasizing about women you see or turning to porn. But there is nothing wrong with craving sex sometimes and finding the female body beautiful and arousing, just don’t indulge in those feelings and act on them since you aren’t married and the Catholic Church teaches you cant

Haven’t you got several threads all asking pretty much the same thing? It sounds to me like you need to:

  1. Seek help for problems you seem to have around being depressed and anxious.
  2. Form a more mature and well informed understanding about Catholic teachings on sexuality and marriage.
  3. Think about dating suitable Catholic women if you feel that you may be ready to begin discerning marriage.
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As someone who was on anxiety and anti-depressants for a year over two years ago, I would say the biggest advice I can give is to not make someone else your crutch, don’t put your struggles on someone else because it isn’t healthy for them. I felt the same way you did and was interested in someone (my now girlfriend) but I could not be with her until I dealt with the underlying issues causing my anxiety and depression which meant meeting with a therapist multiple times, speaking with my doctor and taking medicine.

I haven’t taken an anti-depressant in over two years and it took a lot of personal work to get to where I am at personally and now I have a great relationship that builds each other up and is not me using someone as a crutch for me to feel better and wanted.

My prayers are with you.

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A comforting hug is a wonderful thing. This world would be better off if there were more of them.

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