Is enough consideration given to women's sex drives?

When you hear of people struggling with a high sex drive and proclivity to lustful thoughts, do you think that the Christian community is more receptive of the concerns of men’s sexual issues than for women’s, or do you think that the concern is roughly equal for both genders? Sometimes I think that it is believed that women can handle celibacy more easily than men can, but I’m a woman with an extremely high sex drive and I wonder if it is hard for a woman to find the same level of support/compassion for this problem than it is for a man. If I’m wrong, please by all means correct me nicely:)

I think you are right. I think there is an attitude that if you are a woman you don’t have a sex drive. I think that is a pretty stupid idea.

The whole sex thing is given to us by God. It is beautiful and is a wonderful gift from God to us. To bad there are so many concerns about it and people mis-using it.

I think instead of saying all the things you can’t do sexually, and spending so much time dwelling on them, we need to discuss all the really neat things you can do.

How many people are lonely? The sexuality that God gave us brings people together and gives them a chance to have a better life.

Catholics are repressed when it comes to sex. Not deliberately, but I just can’t imagine a good Catholic having sex at a drive in movie, or on a hike. I am sure that good Catholics do those things, I just have a problem with my imagination.

I don’t think there is any lack of compassion for women in that area, it’s just that men generally struggle with lust 100x more severely than women. When it comes to a problem with lust, the assumption is that the person is male.

I think men tend to be more visually oriented, and thus struggle with lust more on a day-to-day basis walking down the street. This is, of course, a generalizaton. Just from talking to friends, male and female, however, I find that most young men (including myself to some degree) are somewhat aroused the moment an attractive woman in revealing clothing walks by. For most women I know…it takes a bit more…

Everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Only natural. :slight_smile:

There’ve been plenty of times in history when the accepted wisdom was that women had much stronger libidos than men. This tends to lead to the idea that weak little women can’t possibly control their raging hormones, though, and that usually leads to women having their freedom restricted A Lot.

OTOH, there’s been other times when people somehow deluded themselves into believing that women had no desire for sex, and were just totally passive little frail flowers. This is what boys think when you raise boys with no female contact! Heh!

I think the truth is that men and women both have strong desire; that individual men and women have different amounts of it at different times and from different causes; and that generalizing too much about such things is foolish.

But we humans have no trouble finding ways to be foolish, eh? :slight_smile:

You might want to read The Thrill of the Chaste, by Dawn Eden. She doesn’t have any illusions about how strong women’s sex drives are, and many people have found her book helpful because of its straightforward honesty.

To me it seems like the whole Western world falls over backwards trying to accommodate everyone’s sex drive, but that religious people are only a little bit kinder than nonreligious people about limitations. The woman with a very low sex drive, the man or woman with none, the man with ED, get little acknowledgement beyond being treated like a problem.

Anyway, I wanted to clarify something.

I didn’t mean to imply that women had the same issues of visual lust as men, although I can name a few things that I could see on TV that would ignite me physically at the drop of a hat. Although I am not visual like a man I get just as stimulated as easily watching sexual acts. If I see a scantily clad woman I do not get aroused immediately the way a man does, but if I see a sexual act with lots of kissing and caressing, I will get immediately aroused as a man does while looking at a woman.

So what I am trying to say is that while the source of a woman’s high sexual desire may be different, it does not mean they desire it less. They just might get ignited from different sources. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have the same level of struggles with their sexuality.

I would recommend Real Sex by Lauren Winner. She takes up this problem. And no, she’s not Catholic (she’s a convert from Judaism and a candidate for the Episcopal priesthood), but in my opinion what she says in that book is mostly compatible with Catholicism (she’s softer on birth control and masturbation than an orthodox Catholic would be, but a lot more respectful of the Catholic position on those issues than many liberal Catholics–i.e., she sees a problem with birth control though she’s not willing to go “all the way” to the Catholic position).

Edwin

I didn’t mean to imply that women had the same issues of visual lust as men, although I can name a few things that I could see on TV that would ignite me physically at the drop of a hat. Although I am not visual like a man I get just as stimulated as easily watching sexual acts. If I see a scantily clad woman I do not get aroused immediately the way a man does, but if I see a sexual act with lots of kissing and caressing, I will get immediately aroused as a man does while looking at a woman.

Dang. :coffeeread:

Here, here Lady Bug!!!

I have always had a tremendous drive myself and I have been told “You should have been a man”. The norm?

Why would you think you have a problem with your imagination because you should not be ‘going there’ anyway if you are a Catholic? Other folks’ sex lifes are not your business and should have no place in your imagination.:slight_smile:

I don’t see how these sentences follow.

Catholics are repressed when it comes to sex. Not deliberately, but I just can’t imagine a good Catholic having sex at a drive in movie, or on a hike. I am sure that good Catholics do those things, I just have a problem with my imagination.

Why would any decent person have sex in a crowded public place like a drive-in theater?

I have to admit that I don’t really understand the question because this is not a Christian community issue. This is an issue between a husband and a wife. If the couple is Catholic, neither should refuse their spouse (within reason) if the spouse wants to “celebrate their sacrament,” because that goes along with the wedding vows. So, I don’t get how this is an issue outside of the bedroom and between a couple. It is private and does not involve a community at all.

Agreed. And, couldn’t you be arrested for that?

If you were caught, I suppose so, but why would you ask?

The original poster had a curiosity and is now being told the question had no place in the forum. :shrug:

Well, maybe I’m looking at it wrong. I don’t know why, but I just went with the idea that we are talking about married women, but I realize I am wrong to have done that. Perhaps the OP is asking as a single woman, which changes things a little bit, but not completely because even married Catholic couples are called to live lifes of chastity. With that being said, I still do not understand how struggles that are so personal are the business of any community. They would be the business of the person involved, their spouse if they are married, and the person’s confessor. To me, it does not matter if the person is male or female. Am I missing something? I just don’t get it.

Perhaps she is married. Perhaps her husband ignores her. Maybe she is seeking guidance from fellow Catholics to see if her experience is normal, or abnormal. I am not sure. I just know for me, I feel if someone musters up the courage to talk about something that may be painful for them, I try to have an open heart.

Peace.

I would think the advice would be the same for anyone who has a problem controlling lustful thoughts or struggling with a high sex drive.
Think about something else. If you are prone to get turned on by watching other people kiss, etc., change the channel.
If I know I have a problem with something, instead of entertaining it, I need to focus on something else. Think of all the good things you could be doing (volunteer work, etc.) instead of focusing on your sex drive. Is there any other alternative?

I see now. My response was not charitable and I apologize, though I still think discussing this with spouse and confessor is a very good idea. Even though it is difficult, we are all still called to live chaste lifes, whether our vocations are to be a priest, remain single, get married, etc. Depending on individual circumstances, sometimes that is harder than other times, but it is still what He asks of us.

Peace to you as well.

Discussing with her spouse, or a counselor, yes. A Priest would have no frame of reference. Thank you for seeing the charitable side of the equation. I am such an emotional woman that I often tend to see that before the logical side. Your idea WAS a good one. I just didn’t want her to be afraid to share.

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