Hi there, thanks for looking and replying. I was wondering, is it bad to fantasize about having a beautiful wife and children, but also fantasize about having sex with your wife? Not in a lusty way, but simply imagining the joy of doing so?
I can’t see how thinking about a future act that is objectively holy would be sinful in of itself, however, the deeper your minds wanders into the sexual realm, the more you dispose yourself to sin in the here and now.
There is a time and place for everything. For the increase of your own peace, I would recommend safeguarding from such fantasies, even though they are not wicked. It might be bound to spontaneously come up from time to time, but I wouldn’t grab onto those occurrences and turn a trailer into a movie. It would be imprudent. You’re basically getting yourself excited with no means of fulfilling that excitement.
i think it pretty much depends on what do you fantasize about, do you fantasize about the act? you know, like normal lustful toughts but with the diference of it being with your “wife”, or is it just that you think about how good will it be to be able to give yourself enterely to someone else, in which is more like fantasizing about the feelings more than about the act.
nonetheless i would suggest you speak about this with your priest.
I would consider those impure thoughts. Just because your mind creates a woman from scratch doesn’t make it okay. For example, there are adult cartoons which don’t depict real people, but viewing these would still be a grave sin. I agree with TK421. Engaging in those fantasies could cause you to become aroused without having a moral outlet for that arousal. In general I don’t like any fantasizing because it is fake. What if God calls you to be the priesthood or to live a single life? Those fantasies could get in the way of what He wants for you.
Some dreaming is probably okay to learn what it is you want in a wife. For example with myself, I like to play video games, so I sometimes think “It would be nice if I had a wife that liked to play video games.” At the same time I use this thought for temperance. “If I marry a woman that hates video games, I might have to cut back or stop entirely playing video games.” So I don’t become too attached to video games, knowing that someday I might have to stop playing them the rest of my life (this is good in general too since we all die someday and leave these things behind).
altough Im with you on the rest of the post, this two parts sound quite strics.
I know that too much fantasy can be dangerous, but some will help you, like fantasizing on getting a good grade, Going to Heaven and such, can become motivation, besides if it were wrong there would not be Catholic novelist, Like the author of the Lord of the rings.
and the second, i mean it is something good to relinquish stuff to make others life happier, but there is a limit, what if your “wife” hates videogames?, then she should not play them, or the sight of a jumping plumber is enough to cause a great discomfort to her, caused by anything other than lack of tolerance?
(of course i put “wife” because we are talking about a hypotetical person.)
Yeah, maybe I am too strict on fantasy. It is probably okay as long as it is not impure, but I try to live in the present, not in the mind. What I do is more visualizing. I visualize getting a perfect A on a test or visualize myself hitting the golf ball in the hole. They are all very brief fantasies. Outside of that I do planning, which is maybe a form of fantasizing. I think of the steps to achieve some goal, and plan out some rough dates for each step to achieve the goal. Of course with any planning, I am always ready to change plans if God’s will is different than mine.
As for your second point, I have many other interests besides video games. I can find other things to do if my future wife didn’t like video games. I aspire to live a life of sacrifice for others. As long as the sacrifice is in line with God’s will, I do what I can to please others. I am far from being a saint. I have lazy times and selfish times, but I always look up to the saints.
P.S. I believe in two kinds of “God’s will”. There is His will where He directly influences our lives (tells us to do something or prevents us from doing something). Then there is His will that we are to live by, such as following the commandments and His Catholic Church.
One ought* not* engage in such.
I realized, after what DMC12 said, I am fantasizing about the feeling of giving myself over to another completely. But fantasizing is a confusing subject for me… Does the Church have any official teaching on it? Obviously we should avoid lustful or even non lustful fantasizing about sex because it could lead to greater sin. But what about in my case, fantasizing about the feeling?
One ought not engage in such fantasizing. Such feelings are to await the marital life.
By fantasizing about the feeling do you mean the physical feeling of sex or the emotional feeling of being so close to someone? I agree that the former is wrong, but the latter seems more permisseable to me