It looks like your ready for a higher, greater, understanding of your faith which results in a stong, unbreakable closeness with Christ and Our Lady. At this point you already have ‘the Faith’ which is the more than enough.
But your soul requires you to seek for the lost pearls of understanding, even though you own the jewlery store with many great pearls. This will turn ‘the faith’ into ‘your faith’, BUT it will still be in compliance with ‘the Faith’. So do not entertain thoughts of leaving the Church if you find a pearl in a dark corner [of the internet] because ALL pearls come from, and are property of The Catholic Church! Gods Spirit will testify to what is true according to Jesus and his Word (CCC:687)
Right now all thats happening is God’s Spirit in you is testifying to you a Truth. You know Jesus because he’s ‘in’ you. So you know that Jesus would never bash babies heads on rocks or think of making people eat feces etc. So you wonder about God being Good and are not satisfied with the answers. Well maybe there IS answers for you, but like a great pearl they are hard to find.
-Muslims shout ‘God is Good!’. They may not know why they’re saying this? Someone must have, and many of them could have the same pearl as many Saints like St. Therese below:
-“We can never have too much confidence in the good God… As we hope in Him so shall we receive.” -St. Therese of Lisieux
Either way, what if we’re reading too much into things. We dont want to split God into 2 forces… that doesnt sound right.
Could it be that God was justified in his actions? Well, if ‘God’ appeared to you right now and asked you to kill your child, would you do it? Would Jesus do it as it would violate his own Word? If God is unchanging, then how could God ask Abraham to sacrifice his son on an alter, when we know Jesus wouldnt do this and the Bible throughout prohibits speaks this kind of sacrifice because it goes to Satan essentially. Then who asked Abraham to do this, and why would he be rewarded for breaking God’s ‘eternal law’?
I dont have answers to any of this, but I feel close. Whatever the answer, Jesus will testify to the truth - not the scripture itself. and I ensure it agrees with the Catechism which all the pearls do. Maybe its as easy as the spelling of ‘God/Lord’ etc… yeah i wish. I believe the Pearl is to be found in ‘God of the Old Testement’ type conspiracies. Usually theres a 1:20 hour ratio before a ‘eureka’ moment happens and i come accross the Truth that someone happens to blurt out, or casually comment. Then that will set me on my way.